The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue. When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's. Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter. When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris. In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe. Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes. Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
lolz was that an original one from the site or did you make that up yourself.
my personal favorite is "When Chuck Norris does push-ups he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down." and "Chuck Norris actually holds every single record in the guiness world record books. All the other people's records are the closest they ever got"
this is Chuck Norris kicking butt from the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny
the angels sang out with an immaculate chorus down from the heavens decended Chuck Norris Who delivered a kick which could shatter bones into the crouch of Indiana Jones Who fell to the ground writhing in pain as Batman changed back to Bruce Wayne But Chuck saw through his clever disquise and squeezed Batman's head In between his thighs
here is the link for the ultimate showdown http://www.ultimateshowdown.org/
