POETRY
MathWiz99
Under the old oak tree,
Fighting their battles evermore,
in hopes to getting freed.
For they were meant to be war criminals,
For a war still going on around them,
Both were wounded deeply,
But they held hands everstill.
As the fight grew on,
the Lovers stayed where they were,
Until a cold hand wheeled them,
off in a cart,
for death do them part.
It tells a story but it doesn't show crucial bits to infer the greater story. Other than being told so, it doesn't show or hint why they were meant to be war criminals.
theconquerer111War causes love and death,
and in each some are lost.
Take for instance, Beth.
She has paid the ultimate cost.
Or take a look at Seth.
He always is getting bossed.
Those who cannot handle
the power of love and death,
are destined to be caught in
The War of Love and Death.
It seems the rhyme scheme disappeared in the middle and then ended by rhyming power with war. The rhyming is a bit forced. This one also has a lot of telling but not much showing. How does War cause Love?
THIRD
Riptizoid101A war that is fought without an army,
Battles that are fought without guns,
Usually fought with words that are smarmy
Yet their words still weigh many tons,
However, both sides conjoin if they no longer develop
A common cause; A goal which both of them
Wished to achieve. A goal which enveloped
Both of them. Their fate had them condemned
Because it was no longer there.
The two fought as foes,
But they withered away, blessed
As friends, And although
Feelings could never be expressed,
Their happiness was guaranteed.
The rhyming feels forced because it doesn't read naturally. The repetition or rather the redundancy in the middle works to illustrate a back and forth conflict but it gets vague after the first four lines.
SECOND
pangtongshuThe darkness slowly crept along with swift haste,
It's brighten'd smile shadowing the land
And covering the ground in which I stand,
Whilst unveiling the enemies I face.
On either side, the other side: a smile.
A greeting from such a long farewell,
But with the obstacle of equal hell,
For such conquest I aim to quell.
The thunderous applause crack'd across the sky
As the cloudless night drew an eerie silence.
Their gazes grazing over me; silent.
Tonight shall be the lovers' final goodbye.
I feel their stares, trying to pierce through,
As if it'd be any help for them.
I stand, intrepid, waiting to condemn,
but with a sudden movement the chaos grew.
The lover to my left darted violently,
While the other grac'd along carefully.
He must have thought she did so beautifully,
But not so much as my blade pass'd through silently.
Her body hit the ground ever so peacefully,
Ever so gracefully, with never more a breath.
And when I kiss'd her cheeks, cover'd with death,
His rage exploded, and he charg'd forcefully.
Never shall you know the look of true intent,
The look of a man with no more left to lose.
The look of a man whose inner being has been let loose.
The look of a man as, from his body, his head is sent.
His body crumpled to the ground
As I took in the silence of the area.
But again broke out mass hysteria,
As she came down with a most impressive sound.
Love, or so you all call her,
Spoke to me with a voice truly serene.
"You may have taken their lives clean,
But more are out there, and you they abhor."
Then, at once, she was gone as she came.
A tyrannical one, she really is,
Vying to rule all with the ruse of loving bliss.
So, in order to halt her, I became.
I am view'd the villain, until one's final breath.
Such is the price to pay for being Death.
It tells a story that fits the theme well, but the execution could be improved. The construction doesn't hold up the content well. The erratic rhyme scheme though doesn't work here where the speaker appears to try too give an air of power and formality. It's mostly ABBA with perfect, imperfect, and slant rhymes and the second stanza is ABBB. It would've been better one (or two) way or another. Also, I'm quite certain "grac'd" and "charg'd" are not legitimate apostrophes because "grac" and "charg" are not words.
FIRST
StarSpriteA never ending war between mankind.
Not over land and gold,
But of hearts and growing old.
We all want just one,
To keep to ourselves.
Our lovely little secret,
In our souls held by a spell.
A most blissful feeling,
That cannot be compared.
A personal journey,
With only one that can be shared.
But what is true bliss,
Without catastrophe?
How can we reach true joy,
Without agony?
Is not the taste sweeter,
When its prologue was sour?
I can't tell if the poem is supposed to rhyme but not really or it just happened that way, but the last line is makes the poem. It concludes and touches on conflict and loss while focusing on love, which (obviously) accentuates that love is the most important or most favorable but without the contrast, it means nothing.
HAIKUtheconqueror111
Warring Love and Death,
Dragging people down with them,
Breaking others lives.
It is better to work the theme into your poem rather than stating it outright. In this context, it isn't specific to this theme. You can replace the first line with different things and the remaining lines will remain true.
MathWiz99Earth shattered like glass
The Kiss that is always last
From shadows of them
This one is too vague and leaves me with questions. The image of earth shattering is nice, but who are "they" and what is "the Kiss"? Other then then the world falling apart, I can't infer much story behind this.
THIRD
pangtongshuLove succeeds once more
The Lovers, perish'd, unite
Death conquers once more
This one has the weakest in terms of imagery and the story too general. Success, perish, and conquer are rather broad and don't produce a specific image, except maybe "I Hate Sandcastles".
SECOND
FallenSkyI'm sorry my love
That I had to pierce your heart
To keep you with me
This haiku is the darkest one of the five. Death and love seen not has enemies but on the same side.
FIRST
ParsatTake cover, my love,
I lay claims on your embrace:
The right to bear arms.
Good imagery. It evokes war without mentioning war itself. And death? Well, that's a part of war.
Congratulations,
MoonFairy and
Parsat! Post your entries to
ContestWinners to receive your merit.
The theme for July is
Google Poems due July 24th, 2013. It doesn't have to be strictly a Google poem. It could be any search engine poem or simply a
found poem using the suggestions from a search engine. Please include the original search term as a title or somewhere else in your post.
