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Assorted Writings

Posted Mar 2, '13 at 10:06am

OperationNilo

OperationNilo

4,066 posts

Sometimes me and my girlfriend exchange short poems. But now, sir or m'am, I want opinions before giving her the stuff. So I would really appreciate constructive criticism for poems that I will post up now and then. Thanks for taking the time to do it!

This first one I call 'Palaces of Stone'. It can mean several things, and I had a single meaning when I wrote it. Pretty strange, huh? Anyways, I'd definitely appreciate your giving a 'meaning' to these assorted words:

[I]Once the proud, the erect,
The crown jewel of the throne.
Elegant and pleasing,
The firm and steady hold,
In palaces of stone.

Scorned, now detested,
Now made of weak bone.
Abhorrent and molesting,
Detestable and prone,
Away from palaces of stone.

The pleasing flower hides
Beneath the mantle of winter.
However, it withers and dies,
Taken and stoned like the sinner,
Away from palaces of stone.

The people go mad and protest.
They are not evil. They know not.
What a blessing is upon them!
Up in a tree they tied a knot,
Away from palaces of stone.

The flower was taken without mercy.
Compassion, they did not show.
Alas, what a great loss would be,
That of a virgin away thrown.
Ever so far away from home.

Tears streamed down,
Dear God, where are you when we need you the most?
When you need them, then
Where are the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost?
Away from palaces of stone.

A quick prod was enough.
But it wasn't that way.
The young face turned pale.
The beautiful castaway,
Away from palaces of stone.

At last, a rebirth.
At last, I could be with her.
At last, she was home.
At last, with the few of us.
Inside a Palace of Stone. [/i]

 

Posted Mar 2, '13 at 10:07am

OperationNilo

OperationNilo

4,066 posts

Shoot. Italics fail.

 

Posted Mar 3, '13 at 2:13pm

StormWalker

StormWalker

7,601 posts

I'm not good at reading deep into stuff, I tend to take things at face value.
There's prolly a meaning in there, but I don't like poking into things :3
But I really like it, the way the words fit together, and the color of everything slides into kind of a muted pastel background, with hilights of gray here and there.
Aaaand there goes the last bit of sense, because once I start describing what I see with the colors, nothing makes sense anymore. Annoying synesthesia. :P

 

Posted Mar 3, '13 at 10:23pm

OperationNilo

OperationNilo

4,066 posts

You have synesthesia? I have always wanted to know how that feels! And thanks, by the way. Something is something.

 
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