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Blade's Creative Writing

Posted Mar 20, '13 at 6:58pm

Bladerunner679

Bladerunner679

2,534 posts

around the beginning of january, I was assigned to a creative writing class in my highschool. so far, the class has proven to be one of the most fun I've ever had before, and I think some of my pieces are good enough to go onto this section. what I will do is give you the context of the assignment, and then post the piece itself. feedback isn't necessary, but you're more than welcome to post some.

this is my first assignment for this class, and the object of the piece was to describe what I did over a four day weekend. the kicker to this, however, is that I cannot use the letter "E". here's my attempt:

On a four day duration, I didn't do much. I saw two films, I did naps, cook food, and not much ancillary stuff was also in my participation. I did scrub my living spot, and got paid for it. I did work a bit at my Tom Thumb, and I also did stuff my mouth with italian food. I saw sam mattingly at film building, but not for all that long. At film land, I saw Hobbit, and Django. That was about all I did during that duration.


to clarify, sam mattingly is a friend of mine, Tom Thumb is a grocery store chain in Texas, and it wasn't meant to be coherent.

-Blade
 

Posted Mar 20, '13 at 7:36pm

Bladerunner679

Bladerunner679

2,534 posts

I forgot to mention, I'll add a new one on every few days.

-Blade

 

Posted Mar 20, '13 at 9:22pm

OperationNilo

OperationNilo

4,065 posts

Nice, I'll look forward to it.

the kicker to this, however, is that I cannot use the letter "E". here's my attempt:

That's a funny class you got there, mate. I must say, I envy you.
 

Posted Mar 22, '13 at 1:48am

Bladerunner679

Bladerunner679

2,534 posts

I have just enough time to post another one. This assignment was done in the middle of January, and I believe was my third assignment. The teacher gave us a single quote ("give me the package"), and told us to write a short story based off of the quote. Here is my attempt:

"Give me the package," the man screeched. I wasn't in a mood to go against him seeing as how the barrel of his Uzi was making a pressure mark on my forehead. "Alright, alright. Just get that thing away from my face." I knew what was in that package he so desperately wanted, and I really wasn't going to give it to him, but it's funny how a fully loaded sub machine gun changes a person's mind with eerie efficiency. As I picked up the box, I felt the creature stir inside while I was passing it along to him. "Thanks for the service," he said while smiling that wolffish, meth-stained grin of his. He threw a was of hundreds in my face, and kicked my door open again as he left.


As always, feedback is appreciated.

-Blade
 

Posted Mar 22, '13 at 1:50am

Bladerunner679

Bladerunner679

2,534 posts

Oops saw my mistake. Change "was of hundreds" to "wad of hundreds".

-Blade

 

Posted Mar 22, '13 at 10:04am

pickpocket

pickpocket

5,985 posts

Pretty good, especially the last one.
Although, dont doors tend to open in...? So he couldnt kick it open, unless he knocked it off it hinges.
Will these be more school assignments or of work out of school?

 

Posted Mar 22, '13 at 5:50pm

Bladerunner679

Bladerunner679

2,534 posts

For the most part, they will be from school, but I plan on continuing over the summer as well.

-Blade

 

Posted Mar 24, '13 at 1:10am

pangtongshu

pangtongshu

9,823 posts

On a four day duration, I didn't do much. I saw two films, I did naps, cook food, and not much ancillary stuff was also in my participation. I did scrub my living spot, and got paid for it. I did work a bit at my Tom Thumb, and I also did stuff my mouth with italian food. I saw sam mattingly at film building, but not for all that long. At film land, I saw Hobbit, and Django. That was about all I did during that duration.



*On a four day duration, I didn't do much. I did, though, watch two films, nap, and cook food; a small amount of ancillary tasks also found way into my actions, such as scrubbing my habitat, which I was paid to do so. I also did a bit of work at my local Tom Thumb, prior to stuffing my mouth with Italian food. Finally, my pal Sam Mattingly and I hung out at a film building to watch Hobbit and Django.

Something like this would allow the grammar to flow more properly

I like the second one..a good action story could be made from that. You could have, however, added a bit more to the scene..but still give it the feeling of fear/drama...have the main character basically rattle off certain key points about the situation/area he was in (was he tied up? What was the room like? etc) in quick succession as if he was scanning the area..then bring the focus back on the gun in his face. This will make the scene pop out more...as it wouldn't be an expectation (like..have the quote..then the character state to the audience his situation..and end it with the looming barrel of the gun in his face)
 

Posted Mar 24, '13 at 1:19am

Salvidian

Salvidian

4,299 posts

On a four day duration, I didn't do much. I did, though, watch two films, nap, and cook food; a small amount of ancillary tasks also found way into my actions, such as scrubbing my habitat, which I was paid to do so. I also did a bit of work at my local Tom Thumb, prior to stuffing my mouth with Italian food. Finally, my pal Sam Mattingly and I hung out at a film building to watch Hobbit and Django.


Improving this a bit more by rewording certain phrases. The grammar wasn't too bad, so I didn't need to touch up on much of that.

Within a four day duration I didn't do too much. I did, however, watch two films, nap, and cook food; a small amount of ancillary tasks also found way into my actions, such as scrubbing my habitat, which I was paid to do so. I also did a bit of work at my local Tom Thumb prior to stuffing my mouth with Italian food. Finally, my pal Sam Mattingly and I hung out at a film building where we watched The Hobbit and Django.

You might want to go back and reword the entire last sentence. It seems too simple relative to the rest and redundancy is good in writing.
 

Posted Mar 24, '13 at 1:28am

pangtongshu

pangtongshu

9,823 posts

Within a four day duration I didn't do too much. I did, however, watch two films, nap, and cook food; a small amount of ancillary tasks also found way into my actions, such as scrubbing my habitat, which I was paid to do so. I also did a bit of work at my local Tom Thumb prior to stuffing my mouth with Italian food. Finally, my pal Sam Mattingly and I hung out at a film building where we watched The Hobbit and Django.


Gotta stay away from them E's..like his assignment states =p
 
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