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Story Contest

Posted Mar 16, '14 at 3:05pm

kylefitch1

kylefitch1

111 posts

Sorry Freakenstein, no prizes. Just the satisfaction and experience.

I'm sorry, the contest will be postponed until further notice.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

 

Posted Mar 16, '14 at 6:29pm

kylefitch1

kylefitch1

111 posts

Further notice.

Contest back on!

 

Posted Mar 21, '14 at 6:20am

Shoeminor

Shoeminor

389 posts

Two girls walk into a shop and one is wearing unmatching shoes.That girl says to the other,"Where`s the cereal?"The other said,"I dunno,but you certainly got out the wrong side of bed."

The next day the same thing happened,but with a different girl.

Then she was going to the movies still wearing the wrong shoes with her daddy,and asked him,"Why do the girls at the shop keep saying I got out the wrong side of my bed?"

The dad replies,"?You`re wearing your left shoe and my right shoe,that`s why!"

THE END

 

Posted Mar 21, '14 at 12:30pm

MattEmAngel

MattEmAngel

7,036 posts

The story of comedy:

Once upon a time, comedy was born. Some say comedy started in Ancient Egypt, where many things started, such as paper and triangles. The pharaohs were having a bad day because the slaves weren't as happy as they usually were, so they called their magicians and soothsayers to do magic and say sooths to encourage the slaves. First they tried beating them harder, but that didn't work. One of the magicians tripped and fell into the Nile river where he was eaten by a crocodile. This made everyone laugh because pain and death are one of the funniest things ever.

From that day forward the pharaohs threw a magician into the Nile every day to encourage the slaves. This worked well until Moses showed up and used his ultimate powers to free the slaves via the Underground Railroad and the Emancipation Proclamation. The slaves grew up in a better land, but never forgot the things they learned from their ancestors about comedy and pyramids. Every year the slaves, who are now normal Jews for the most part, sacrifice a lamb to the Nile, although they have to sneak into Egypt to do it because Egypt is still mad about the plagues of liberty.

The Jews used the forbidden power of dark matter to transfer comedy to all the corners of the world (this was before the world was a globe, because globes have no corners). At first people thought it was dumb because it wasn't nearly as funny without the Nile river. Finally the great Sensei of China, Lord Uzumaki, summoned a crocodile to the China River and fed it with the blood of his enemies. This was only funny if you understood the reference, and since only people in Japan got the reference, it wasn't that effective. Fortunately, Japan was a first world power and transferred their feelings to other people and comedy was spread.

Nowadays people rely on much less violent things for comedy, like bananas and racist jokes, and only the Jews remember the one about the Nile river. Unfortunately China is still bitter about not getting the reference, so the Chinese dictator banned humor, which is why Chinese people always look sad. It isn't a lack of food or space or anything. They just don't like humor. They also don't like Japan, which resulted in the great China-Japan war that ended with America dropping two bombs on Japan because they wanted people to get along. No one thought this was funny.

Then came the Dark Ages without comedy. Then they stopped. That was hundreds of years ago and just about everyone who remembers it is dead. Fortunately comedy came back with politicians like George Bush and Joe Biden saying dumb stuff that late-night shows quote all the time because they ran out of original source material a decade ago. Thanks to democracy and David the Letterman and stand-up comedians telling racist jokes, we now have more humor than we know what to do with.

At one point, America tried shipping some humor to China because they sent us a lot of cheap stuff for free, but China didn't want it and instead attacked the ships in the Three Day War. The Jews helped out because they didn't like people fighting about their national history and with the combined power known as Amerijew the Chinese were defeated. No one remembers that war anymore because it wasn't funny.

 

Posted Mar 21, '14 at 12:35pm

MattEmAngel

MattEmAngel

7,036 posts

The End.

 

Posted Mar 21, '14 at 4:09pm

FishPreferred

FishPreferred

1,715 posts

This looks a bit like something out of A Child's History of the Middle 1900's by Easy, Simple, Glossover, & Passoff Ltd.

 

Posted Mar 21, '14 at 9:21pm

MattEmAngel

MattEmAngel

7,036 posts

This looks a bit like something out of A Child's History of the Middle 1900's by Easy, Simple, Glossover, & Passoff Ltd.


Inspired by Peter Nguyen. An example of his work can be found here.
 

Posted Mar 22, '14 at 7:34pm

StormWalker

StormWalker

7,377 posts

If you don't like crude humor, you shouldn't read this.
===
Once there was a squirrel. He spent all of fall gathering acorns to hoard up for the winter, as all squirrels do.
But then, a few days from the start of winter, the squirrel said, "Instead of burying my nuts this year, I'm going to something radical! I want to be noticed! I'm going to be the squirrel that STANDS OUT!"
He climbed a tree and looked out over a field contemplatively. Already, other squirrels were entering the field and burying their nuts. He watched them do so.
After a day and a night of thinking, pondering, and wondering, it came to him in one glorious epiphany. "I know!" he shouted. "I'll bury my acorns instead of my nuts!"
With that, he hopped from the tree, walked between the ranks of squirrels with their nuts buried in the cool earth, and proceeded to dig a row of holes, plop an acorn in each, and cover them back up while the nut-buried squirrels stared at him in shock. "What are you doing?" called one in amazement. "Aren't you going to bury your nuts?"
The squirrel shook his head and kept heaping dirt over the acorns. To all the questions asked of him, he replied, "I want to be planting trees, not releasing seed!"
The End.

 

Posted Mar 22, '14 at 7:49pm

MattEmAngel

MattEmAngel

7,036 posts

Once there was a squirrel.


I knew nuts were going to be involved. Haha.
 

Posted Mar 24, '14 at 1:57am

Shoeminor

Shoeminor

389 posts

Mine didn`t involve father sleeping with daughter.

 
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