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dragonmaster10902
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dragonmaster10902
135 posts
Jester

So, I found an old dead thread that was supposed to be something like this, but due to some rule issues it never got off the ground. I thought I'd give it a try. Put in ONE chapter of a book YOU WROTE. Include story and chapter titles if you've got them (they are not required). This isn't so much a contest as a workshop. In addition to posting your own, you can post suggestions for earlier posters to improve their opening chapter/prologue. Keep it within 3000 words, but there's no lower limit (my chapters tend to be much shorter.) And keep any comments and suggestions respectful and kind. We want constructive criticism, not insults.

Extra rules: If you want to put a description or explanation of the story to fill in some gaps, feel free to do so. Also, the chapter doesn't have to be written specifically for this. You can take it from something you wrote for school, a contest, just for fun, or whatever. Anything's welcome.

Edit: If I've broken the rules by trying to revive someone else's dead topic (it was originally by @The904, who, far as I can tell, hasn't been active for years), just let me know and I'll shut it down. I just thought it sounded fun, and it was a shame the rule revisions that never happened kept it from moving forward.

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dragonmaster10902
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dragonmaster10902
135 posts
Jester

I thought I'd start off with one of my own. It's the opener of a story I've been working at for a while now. It revolves around two teenage girls set on an alien planet: one grew up there without any interaction with other humans, until the other one, who grew up on Earth, finds herself there without knowing how. The chapters are short because I switch perspectives often. Open to suggestions, as should be everyone who decides to post here.

Prologue
Once upon a time, there was a girl with no name, living on a planet with no name. A planet that no one had ever heard of, and no one could ever find. She didn’t know how old she was or where she had come from, and she didn’t care. She had no idea that beyond her planet were billions of others orbiting the stars she saw every night, and even around the sun she walked by in the day. In her mind, nothing had ever existed before she existed, there was nothing outside of what she knew, and nothing would continue to be after she ceased to be. She lived a simple life, sustaining herself on the lush vegetation that covered many areas of the planet. She had no companions besides animals that inhabited the planet, and wouldn’t have had it any other way, for she didn’t know that another way existed. Every day she would wander from her camp, farther and farther, seeking to find the next new part of her world, never desiring anything but to be free to explore. But that all changed one day…

lozerfac3
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lozerfac3
769 posts
Blacksmith

I like what you're doing here cuz I think this would be super useful if I started writing again. I encourage more people to join. In response to your entry, I like the concept. Although I can't find myself investing in the initial character, I believe you can do a lot with the characters. It's only the prologue, so you still have the opportunity to capture the reader's attention. My main criticism would have to be with the flow of the paragraph. The sentence structure only slightly varies throughout, which I believe makes it a little monotonous. And... idk what else. I just thought you deserved some feedback because I appreciate your work.

dragonmaster10902
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dragonmaster10902
135 posts
Jester

@lozerfac3 Thanks for that. I'll take it into consideration.

lozerfac3
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lozerfac3
769 posts
Blacksmith

No problem! Have you written the other chapters yet? I'd love to read some more samples if you don't mind.

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