I don't get the... Well the patriarchy thing. It seems to me the natural product of biological differences. Nothing's being reinforced, and the idea that women are acting against their own interest genuinely feels conspiratorial. Maybe there's something to that. Maybe.
So, patriarchy. I'll use a definition from wikipedia as a starting point:
"Historically, the term patriarchy has been used to refer to autocratic rule by the male head of a family; however, since the late 20th century it has also been used to refer to social systems in which power is primarily held by adult men."
The Albanian 'sworn virgins', which you've mentioned elsewhere, would be of the former kind, of a strictly patrilineal society. The patriarchy currently present in most of Europe and America, addressed by feminist theory, is of the latter kind, usually less official (
legally, men and women are equal), but nevertheless very real. Literally: the vast majority of positions of political, judicial and economic power (among others) is held by men. There's a lot of argument on why that is, with some claiming that it is, as you say, "the natural product of biological differences"; and on the other hand feminists demonstrating the social and systemic issues responsible for it.
Re: 'the natural product of biological differences' - What differences, exactly? They would have to be demonstrable sex-based differences that make typically male individuals more apt to wield authority, and exclude other non-sex-based factors.
Re: 'nothing's being reinforced' - When I say reinforced, I mean that we are, through interacting with other people, types of media and society in general, constantly exposed to certain implicit normative values that we tend to learn, internalize and reproduce.
Maybe you don't yet fully realize how pervasive it is, I assume because you fall within the normative values that are constantly portrayed. As an exercise, just think of all the ads, especially for products like cars and cosmetics, and what kind of aesthetics, what kind of stereotypes they make use of. Or just take a small trek in the
Pointlessly Gendered Products reddit.
Another great resource is the youtube channel Pop Culture Detective. Two videos I've seen and can recommend are
Boys Don't Cry (Except When They Do) and
Born Sexy Yesterday
It's not just gendered stereotypes that are reinforced like that, by the way. For example, a large amount of the media (such as movies) we're exposed to implicitly or explicitly handle white able-bodied allo cis hetero men as the default, and everything else as a kind of deviation from that.
N.B. when I say normative values, I mean values considered to be the norm, or 'normal', which does
not mean that norm is natural or cannot be questioned. Frequently such norms end up being restrictive, discriminatory, and harmful potentially to everyone, for even the people who are considered 'normal' are being forced into a specific mold, and suffer when for whatever reason they don't appear to fit into that mold any longer. And people outside the norm are constantly subject to the pressure to conform, which often comes with issues of self-worth.
Re: 'the idea [...] genuinely feels conspirational' - Nothing like that. I think it's about power dynamics. Your original point was this:
"I find the feminist argument amusing. I get the point, but at the same time, the churches have always been grandma clubs. Sure, priest's a man. But most of the community is female. Even half the men who are there are were driven [as in oxen] there by their wives."
I was just pushing back against the idea that the church cannot hold misogynistic values because communities are "grandma clubs". Just because there are many women in Catholic communities doesn't mean that they're all politically aware feminist activists, and even if they were, the church's authority is held by men, so they can't do all that much. It's a fact that the church's vast influence and money is usually invested in spreading reactionary, conservative values all over the world. A woman supporting such values, for whatever reason, is effectively working against her own interests as a woman.