So. I am certain this is not the first topic of death, probably one of many but I don't want to put this in a pile of other topics about it. I want this to be specific. Not how you feel about it or what you believe but. Well I don't know this is my first time seriously posting here so, let's see if I can strike up a conversation. The reason I put doing nothing in the title is because the only time I have ever thought of death is when nothing is happening. Friends tell me to relax, stop doing things, playing games watching movies, sleeping and just relax. But I can't, because if I relax the first and foremost thing I think about is death. First I try to fathom how long an eternity is, I can't right now but when I am truely doing nothing and think about it. All the years that go by and the meaninglessness of it all and everything literally makes my brain hurt at the back, like I am trying to cram 1000 pounds of information in a .01 pound bag. It scares me, it truely does, that is why I will never truely relax. It's actually why I come to ArmorGames, there is nothing to do and I am online and ArmorGames keeps me busy, oh a new post here! A new post there! Comment yay! OH I have an idea post! Usually it's busy and it keeps me from thinking about it, if not I find anything to do. Which brings me to my next point of the fact that I am so afraid of not existing for the rest of my life I am almost scared not to believe in another world, along the lines of heaven. Now I am agnostic and from my belief of the term I do not deny nor acknowledge god, he is in the middle there and I have no real stance on his existence. But when the thought of death comes to mind I feel almost compelled to believe in god or I am not going to exist forever. But if I sacrifice my time in life to praying for god and going to church then I die, he doesn't exist and there goes me wasting a ton of my only time I will ever have ever, heck and I won't even know because I won't exist. So then I am not sure whether to believe in god or not at that point of my "relaxing". So I decide heck why don't I try praying, so I do. Outloud once and in my head once because I don't know which I am suppose to do and I won't ask anyone. Just asking him to give me a proper sign on if he exists. Never get anything or I just don't notice. But anyways. I am just so scared that everything will have to end and I can't stop it. And I am fine with having limited time but when it's done I won't even remember, I won't be able to recollect. I will be gone. And I try and think about me nothing thinking, forever, not existing forever. It's all so much. So.. people ask me all the time why I am always on the computer and games and online and stuff. I always just say I like it, and I do. I love it. But do I love it because of, it? Or do I love it because it keeps me from just thinking about things. Or both! But honestly though I do love coming online and chatting here. It keeps me going, keeps me busy and I appreciate it so much. But yeah I have never told anyone this, I don't know if this is the right forum I don't know if this will be read, blammed, or ignored I don't know. I am just really tired and want to go to bed. So, this is my first time in the more serious part of the forums and I don't even think this is suppose to go here. Not sure what I expect people to talk about. But. Just this stuff in general, I can't really put a word on it. Sorry if no one cares and this is a duplicate. But I thought what I have to say is more important than in the middle of page 73 somewhere where I will be forgotten within a minute. Anyways. Bedtime. So hope someone can get some good out of this and maybe strikes a good conversation, if not sorry lol. I will go back to my funny puns and one liners by the morning!
Ah well. I just wrote that at around 2am or something so I wasn't in the mood for paragraphs. As for thoughts I still think about it and sortoff freak out a little, like in the subway of car ride home. Was just thinking about how long eternity of not existing is and then trying to think of the years before I die. 70 years(hopefully) is quite a long time and I have trouble imagining that so that is good. But I keep thinking about what if I die in a stupid accident or get a disease or something. That would unbelievably suck. My only chance at life and it could be cut for by 40 years or something. It's just such a bitch it's unbelievable. I just got an iPod so I am hoping to get a bunch of songs and whenever I am subway-ing or something I can pop it in and not think about things, but not sure how music will help. Will see!
I dunno, it seems like we all have our little distractions for these questions (like your IPod), but we all have to answer them eventually.
I'll agree, it is a harrowing thought when you realize that death could be sooner than you think, and so I've made it a priority in my life to make sure that I have no regrets when I'm dead.
Here's my advice: try not to think about it too much whatever happens after life happens but what we CAN do is live life to it's fullest and try to be the best we can be.
At some point you've GOT to think about it, at least a little. I can't imagine what it would be like dying before even thinking about what death or life after death is like.
I think there is no such thing as a bad afterlife, hell for example. If there is a god/goddess/several gods, they are supposed to be merciful, and a hell doesn't click with that in my opinion.
I also see the validity in reincarnation or a lack of anything. It does make sense, but a time or place when everyone you love is together sounds much more appealing to me, even if there is some lack of feeling, of realness. Like a dream in a way. Fuzzy, unclear, not as vivid as life, so you have to live like there is no afterlife.
