Write down your favorite jokes here This is mines: A man is driving in the highwaysand sees a weird sign that says drive quickly, we exchanged a empty cemetery for a hospital.
Sorry for the double post but this is a short and sweet one. PS-change the names like last time.OK. Paul Keating entered a pub with a pig on a leash. He ordered two beers, one for him and one for the pig. After a couple of rounds, the barman's curiosity got the better of him. 'Where did you get him?' he asked. 'I won him in a raffle,' replied the pig.
One day, two guys are walking through the park. One of the guys looks depressed and the other asks why. The sad man replies, "I have a blood test tomorrow. They're going to cut my finger."
After some time, the second guy starts to cry. After being asked why, he replies, "I have a urine test tomorrow..."
ok there were two blondes from Ohio driving to disneyland. They got about 2 miles away from it when they saw a sign that said "Disneyland left" and the blonde driving the car says well we better go home then.
There was a blond, brunette, and a red-head stuck on an island. The island had no other people, food, or fresh drinking water. The only prominent thing on the island was a tall cliff that led down to the ocean.
One day, a genie appears and tells the women, "I will turn you into anything you want under one condition. You must run and jump off the cliff before making your wish.
The women agree. The red-head goes first. She starts running. She jumps off the cliff and yells, "BIRD!" She turns into a bird and flies away. The brunette starts running. She jumps off the cliff and yells, "FISH!" She turns into a fish and swims away. The blond starts running. She trips over a rock and yells, "CRAP!"
One night, 3 guys were in a bar. There was 1 white american, 1 black american and 1 filipino overseas work (filipinos don't speak good english much, remember that). Then, a gorgeous woman stepped in, went near them and said, " Whoever uses the words liver and cheese in the most creative sentence will have me for tonight." So, the white said, " I love liver and cheese." But the woman said, " Too weird." Then, the black said, " I hate liver and cheese." She said, " It's not creative enough." Then the filipino said, " Liver alone, cheese mine!"
If you've ever heard of the two, this is a 'Dad and Dave' joke. Dad and Dave were standing watching a dingo licking its privates. Dave said to Dad: 'Just between you and me, I've wanted to do that all my life.' Dad said: 'Go ahead, but I'd pat him a bit first. He looks pretty vicious to me.'
Here's another funny one. A nun is in the shower when there's a loud banging at the convent door. All the other nuns are out the back, in the garden. 'Who is it?" she calls out. 'I'm the blind man from the village,' is the reply. So she runs downstairs in the nude and opens the door. 'Great knockers,' says the visitor. 'Where do you want the blinds?'
Back for more eh? Well take this one for size. Q. Why wasn't Jesus Christ born in Australia? A. Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
A woman has just divorced her violent husband and puts an ad in the newspaper for a new one. She put that he must have no arms so he cannot punch her, no legs to kick, but must be great in bed. The next day the doorbell rings and she sees a man on the floor with no arms or legs, but she still had one question. "Are you good in bed?" The man replied, "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
