Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → The Nergyl War (better than faceless ^-^)

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thoadthetoad

5,642 posts

Peasant

Posted August 30, '08 12:42pm UTC

Hello! I have had this in my head and just want to say, I HAVE THIS COPYRIGHTED!!! Yeeeaaahhhh! Anyways, here goes the introduction.

+++INTO+++
I, one of the few surviving this accursed war between 3 worlds am documenting my life as a soldier. I have no family, friends, or acquaintances. They have all died from this slaughter. It started in year 1998. An undocumented space-craft had crashed, I dug this information up in a government file when I started in the military. Apparently, the craft had no pilot, and before we could take any samples of it, it borrowed itself into the earth like a tick. Unlike a tick, this parasite would kill everything.
After ten years, two gigantic aircraft covered the sky. One with colors of gold and white, with the other jet black and dull gray. Each had two symbols similar to each other. The symbols were so simple, yet so hard to put into words. Each aircraft had covered the sky everywhere. No sun was to be found at that time, and pure fear had struck. The darkness only lasted for a short time, about 30 minutes or so. Not even starlight had gotten to the earths surface that day.
Two years later, people were starting to dissapear. Cities started to go dark, and families were never heard of again. This wasn't only in the United States of America. It was thought to be a world-wide Armageddon. Christians thought it was the beginning of the rapture. Sadly enough, only half that statement is true. Later people started to investigate the dead towns. They were horrified with their results. They found that the buildings were covered in a odd substance. Plants of unkown origin had started to form. The seeds of the plants were highly volatile and unstable. The leaves of the plant were harder than steel.
The findings of the dead town were scary, and the world went to panick. Some 10% percent or so of human population commited suicide, thinking it was the end. Other people fled from dead towns, or had hidden in remote places. All attempts were in vain. The findings found at dead towns were only of the outskirts. After the alien subjects that were found, they had waited to go farther into the city. Another crisis seemed to have followed, a human contact with something of a monster. Afraid that it might be a predator, people took to the fight or flight, sadly enough, we fought. This was not a good choice, for they had been freind. We were to blind to see it. They liberated a couple of dead towns, making it of pure gold and peace. Some buildings even generated their own light. At this moment, when the dead towns came to be. The earth was now caught in crossfire.
+++end of Intro+++

Like it? leave a comment. I, like most times, just did this off the top of my head. Please enjoy. ^-^

Hello! I have had this in my head and just want to say, I HAVE THIS COPYRIGHTED!!! Yeeeaaahhhh! Anyways, here goes the introduction.\r\n\r\n+++[b]INTO[/b]+++\r\n     I, one of the few surviving this accursed war between 3 worlds am documenting my life as a soldier. I have no family, friends, or acquaintances. They have all died from this slaughter. It started in year 1998. An undocumented space-craft had crashed, I dug this information up in a government file when I started in the military. Apparently, the craft had no pilot, and before we could take any samples of it, it borrowed itself into the earth like a tick. Unlike a tick, this parasite would kill everything.\r\n     After ten years, two gigantic aircraft covered the sky. One with colors of gold and white, with the other jet black and dull gray. Each had two symbols similar to each other. The symbols were so simple, yet so hard to put into words. Each aircraft had covered the sky everywhere. No sun was to be found at that time, and pure fear had struck. The darkness only lasted for a short time, about 30 minutes or so. Not even starlight had gotten to the earths surface that day. \r\n     Two years later, people were starting to dissapear. Cities started to go dark, and families were never heard of again. This wasn't only in the United States of America. It was thought to be a world-wide Armageddon. Christians thought it was the beginning of the rapture. Sadly enough, only half that statement is true. Later people started to investigate the dead towns. They were horrified with their results. They found that the buildings were covered in a odd substance. Plants of unkown origin had started to form. The seeds of the plants were highly volatile and unstable. The leaves of the plant were harder than steel. \r\n     The findings of the dead town were scary, and the world went to panick. Some 10% percent or so of human population commited suicide, thinking it was the end. Other people fled from dead towns, or had hidden in remote places. All attempts were in vain. The findings found at dead towns were only of the outskirts. After the alien subjects that were found, they had waited to go farther into the city. Another crisis seemed to have followed, a human contact with something of a monster. Afraid that it might be a predator, people took to the fight or flight, sadly enough, we fought. This was not a good choice, for they had been freind. We were to blind to see it. They liberated a couple of dead towns, making it of pure gold and peace. Some buildings even generated their own light. At this moment, when the dead towns came to be. The earth was now caught in crossfire.\r\n+++[b]end of Intro[/b]+++\r\n\r\nLike it? leave a comment. I, like most times, just did this off the top of my head. Please enjoy. ^-^

14 Replies

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Gantic

11,892 posts

King

Posted September 5, '08 3:13am UTC

Interesting but interest dissipates a little. Not because of the story but the prose. The prose needs to be tightened. Cut a few words or phrases that drag the story. For example:

Christians thought it was the beginning of the rapture. Sadly enough, only half that statement is true.

Afraid that it might be a predator, people took to the fight or flight, sadly enough, we fought.

Cut out the word enough or maybe even Sadly enough,. (I'm not sure if the latter will read quite the same though.) The word enough doesn't modify the word sadly much.

Enough picking. I'm looking forward to the next part.

offline

thoadthetoad

5,642 posts

Peasant

Posted September 18, '08 3:00am UTC

I am now in the jungle city of New York, year 2352. What was once a busy town has now turned into a steamy pile of horsecrap smiting the surface of the earth. Plants grew everywhere, and the island of Manhattan had become a deadtown. My regiment has been sent out here to see if the deadtown was friend or foe. The "fallen" that we had shot at had guaranteed our reckoning, even though he was once a friend willing to help in this war. Turns out, there was a giant war that had been in the making since the dawn of time. A supernatural race of Nergyl daemons had taken over a planet, and could not reproduce. They found that by striking down a creature of any stature, that one of their larvae would be hatched. The fallen were a simple race, the dead Nergyl daemons. They were pure good, and the Nergyl's were pure evil. The first golden city, a fallen dead town, had told us these things. The fallen were willing to help, but seemed not to have taken the assault on their brother lightly.
"Hey Charlie, got a smoke?" I said. Charlie was my best friend since the 3rd grade, and had always been beside me since then.
"You know I'm off that **** now, I chew gum." He says back in a merry tone.
"Will you two shut up? If the dead town is a dead town, they'll hear us and we'll all be dead!" our regiment leader, Sargent Clyde, had always been a loudmouth and a hypocrite. No one really liked him, but we followed orders anyway. Creeping across several pieces of rubble, I kept on the alert. The air smelled like oil and rotten potatoes. The air tasted even worse. Some people were already seeing some of the "emerald-pods" that were as hard as a rock and smelled like cherries. Several minutes passed before we reached our first objective, the Manhattan bridge. The underground army didn't want to risk an attack from the sea, considering were up against an enemy that nobody has ever even heard of before. About halfway across the bridge, we saw our first enemy. It was tall, had dry looking skin and a bug-like maw. It was drooling green liquid all over the place. It had dry, jet black skin, small paneled eyes like that on a fly. It's arms were more of tentacles, and it's back was slimy and shiny (or at least what we could see of it). It was rummaging through some of the emerald-pods and plucking it's odd, large bulbous shiny fruit.
"This must be one of them, ready your guns!" Sargent whispered. Just about everyone was pretty shocked, and another group of our team had actually pissed themselves. I was the first to aim a gun. With a .22 calubr rifle in my hands, I aimed straight for it's head. Right when I took my gun up, it heard us. Immediately, it jolted right to my position. Thinking that I was alone, it charged. A loud bang came from the gun with my eyes turned wide. The thing just fell back, it had no wound!
"Oh my god. . . .!" I thought. Everyone else jumped up from their positions, pointed at the beast, and opened fire. Every single bullet seemed to ricochet off it's tough, shiny skin. After a few of us had to re-clip, it flew off towards the dead-town.
"Holy ****! Let's get out of here, we found out that it was a dead town!" Sarg said. No one really made a response, but just nodded and started running. After escaping from near death, we heard something that made our hearts stop. A monstrous roar that of a tyrant came from behind us. Along with a stampede of footsteps. "My god! Let's get the hell out of here fast!" Sarg screamed. I was the only one to look back, and it was the most terrifying experience I had ever had. There was a collusus beast coming towards us. It had four legs, a sword as long as a telephone pole, and a small shield about the size of a T.V. The sword was midnight black and had eyes on it. The eyes moved, looking at each one of us, with teeth on the side of it. Without another moment to look at it's monstrous glory, I ran. Heart beating, pulse racing, I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. After five minutes of endless running, it caught up to our group. Another roar came from it. I looked back to see just how far it was, and I saw more of it's face and arms. It was very muscular, and had a mask like helmet on. The helmet was flat on the front view, with a large emerald green visor. On top of it was three plaque-yellow horns. It's small shield had a emerald green broad side. It took one mighty swing at our group, and 3 of our troops fell. Sarg being one of them.
"We have time to mourn for them later, keep running!" I had yelled at the group, me being in the front. "Quick! go into that building! Maybe we can find cover from that thing!" We went into a big sky-scraper, filled with office building computers and supplies. We were safe for a time, and waited to hear the end of the monsters roars coming from outside the doors.

+++ To Be Continued +++

I put a lot of time into this one. I'm off to do my math homework now. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE comment on it. I really want to know what all of you think of it. PLEASE?!?!?!

I am now in the jungle city of New York, year 2352. What was once a busy town has now turned into a steamy pile of horsecrap smiting the surface of the earth. Plants grew everywhere, and the island of Manhattan had become a deadtown. My regiment has been sent out here to see if the deadtown was friend or foe. The "fallen" that we had shot at had guaranteed our reckoning, even though he was once a friend willing to help in this war. Turns out, there was a giant war that had been in the making since the dawn of time. A supernatural race of Nergyl daemons had taken over a planet, and could not reproduce. They found that by striking down a creature of any stature, that one of their larvae would be hatched. The fallen were a simple race, the dead Nergyl daemons. They were pure good, and the Nergyl's were pure evil. The first golden city, a fallen dead town, had told us these things. The fallen were willing to help, but seemed not to have taken the assault on their brother lightly. \r\n     "Hey Charlie, got a smoke?" I said. Charlie was my best friend since the 3rd grade, and had always been beside me since then.\r\n     "You know I'm off that **** now, I chew gum." He says back in a merry tone.\r\n     "Will you two shut up? If the dead town [i]is[/i] a dead town, they'll hear us and we'll [b]all[/b] be dead!" our regiment leader, Sargent Clyde, had always been a loudmouth and a hypocrite. No one really liked him, but we followed orders anyway. Creeping across several pieces of rubble, I kept on the alert. The air smelled like oil and rotten potatoes. The air [i]tasted[/i] even worse. Some people were already seeing some of the "emerald-pods" that were as hard as a rock and smelled like cherries. Several minutes passed before we reached our first objective, the Manhattan bridge. The underground army didn't want to risk an attack from the sea, considering were up against an enemy that nobody has ever even [i]heard[/i] of before. About halfway across the bridge, we saw our first enemy. It was tall, had dry looking skin and a bug-like maw. It was drooling green liquid all over the place. It had dry, jet black skin, small paneled eyes like that on a fly. It's arms were more of tentacles, and it's back was slimy and shiny (or at least what we could see of it). It was rummaging through some of the emerald-pods and plucking it's odd, large bulbous shiny fruit. \r\n     "This must be one of them, ready your guns!" Sargent whispered. Just about everyone was pretty shocked, and another group of our team had actually pissed themselves. I was the first to aim a gun. With a .22 calubr rifle in my hands, I aimed straight for it's head. Right when I took my gun up, it heard us. Immediately, it jolted right to my position. Thinking that I was alone, it charged. A loud bang came from the gun with my eyes turned wide. The thing just fell back, it had no wound! \r\n     "Oh my god. . . .!" I thought. Everyone else jumped up from their positions, pointed at the beast, and opened fire. Every single bullet seemed to ricochet off it's tough, shiny skin. After a few of us had to re-clip, it flew off towards the dead-town.\r\n     "Holy ****! Let's get out of here, we found out that it was a dead town!" Sarg said. No one really made a response, but just nodded and started running. After escaping from near death, we heard something that made our hearts stop. A monstrous roar that of a tyrant came from behind us. Along with a stampede of footsteps. "My god! Let's get the hell out of here [b][i]fast![/b][/i]" Sarg screamed. I was the only one to look back, and it was the most terrifying experience I had ever had. There was a collusus beast coming towards us. It had four legs, a sword as long as a telephone pole, and a small shield about the size of a T.V. The sword was midnight black and had eyes on it. The eyes moved, looking at each one of us, with teeth on the side of it. Without another moment to look at it's monstrous glory, I ran. Heart beating, pulse racing, I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. After five minutes of endless running, it caught up to our group. Another roar came from it. I looked back to see just how far it was, and I saw more of it's face and arms. It was very muscular, and had a mask like helmet on. The helmet was flat on the front view, with a large emerald green visor. On top of it was three plaque-yellow horns. It's small shield had a emerald green broad side. It took one mighty swing at our group, and 3 of our troops fell. Sarg being one of them. \r\n     "We have time to mourn for them later, keep running!" I had yelled at the group, me being in the front. "Quick! go into that building! Maybe we can find cover from that [i]thing[/i]!" We went into a big sky-scraper, filled with office building computers and supplies. We were safe for a time, and waited to hear the end of the monsters roars coming from outside the doors. \r\n\r\n[b]+++ To Be Continued +++[/b]\r\n\r\n\r\nI put a lot of time into this one. I'm off to do my math homework now. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE [b]PLEASE[/b] comment on it. I really want to know what all of you think of it. PLEASE?!?!?!

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Aquajag

89 posts

Nomad

Posted September 18, '08 4:04pm UTC

I am now in the jungle city of New York, year 2352. What was once a busy town has now turned into a steamy pile of horsecrap smiting the surface of the earth. Plants grew everywhere, and the island of Manhattan had become a deadtown. My regiment has been sent out here to see if the deadtown was friend or foe. The "fallen" that we had shot at had guaranteed our reckoning, even though he was once a friend willing to help in this war. Turns out, there was a giant war that had been in the making since the dawn of time. A supernatural race of Nergyl daemons had taken over a planet, and could not reproduce. They found that by striking down a creature of any stature, that one of their larvae would be hatched. The fallen were a simple race, the dead Nergyl daemons. They were pure good, and the Nergyl's were pure evil. The first golden city, a fallen dead town, had told us these things. The fallen were willing to help, but seemed not to have taken the assault on their brother lightly.

The fallen were the same race as the Nergyl demons? Or not? That's confusing. It just isn't clear what you're saying here.

You can also trim things up, as was said earlier. For example:

It was tall, had dry looking skin and a bug-like maw. It was drooling green liquid all over the place. It had dry, jet black skin, small paneled eyes like that on a fly. It's arms were more of tentacles, and it's back was slimy and shiny (or at least what we could see of it)

So was it dry or slimy? Just say tentacles, not "arms were more of tentacles," just say "instead of arms it had tentacles." You could combine the descriptions: "It had dry, jet black skin that appeared slimy and shiny (or at least what we could see of it). It had small paneled eyes, a bug-like maw, and tentacles." then spice it up from there. Just a suggestion.

Well I'm certainly curious about your story. It is unique, as far as I've seen. However, your writing needs some work. I'm not trying to be harsh, just trying to give feedback since you've asked for it. Check your spelling, and grammar, there are some basic mistakes. You need to figure out what verb tense you want to use, and stick to it. Also, I find the story confusing. Not because I don't know what's happening yet (though i don't) but because your explanations of what's happening are not clear at all.\r\n\r\nFor example:\r\n[quote]I am now in the jungle city of New York, year 2352. What was once a busy town has now turned into a steamy pile of horsecrap smiting the surface of the earth. Plants grew everywhere, and the island of Manhattan had become a deadtown. My regiment has been sent out here to see if the deadtown was friend or foe. The "fallen" that we had shot at had guaranteed our reckoning, even though he was once a friend willing to help in this war. Turns out, there was a giant war that had been in the making since the dawn of time. A supernatural race of Nergyl daemons had taken over a planet, and could not reproduce. They found that by striking down a creature of any stature, that one of their larvae would be hatched. The fallen were a simple race, the dead Nergyl daemons. They were pure good, and the Nergyl's were pure evil. The first golden city, a fallen dead town, had told us these things. The fallen were willing to help, but seemed not to have taken the assault on their brother lightly.[/quote]\r\nThe fallen were the same race as the Nergyl demons? Or not? That's confusing. It just isn't clear what you're saying here.\r\n\r\nYou can also trim things up, as was said earlier. For example: [quote]It was tall, had dry looking skin and a bug-like maw. It was drooling green liquid all over the place. It had dry, jet black skin, small paneled eyes like that on a fly. It's arms were more of tentacles, and it's back was slimy and shiny (or at least what we could see of it)[/quote] So was it dry or slimy? Just say tentacles, not "arms were more of tentacles," just say "instead of arms it had tentacles." You could combine the descriptions: "It had dry, jet black skin that appeared slimy and shiny (or at least what we could see of it). It had small paneled eyes, a bug-like maw, and tentacles." then spice it up from there. Just a suggestion.

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thoadthetoad

5,642 posts

Peasant

Posted September 18, '08 7:43pm UTC

i see your point. Just to clear some things up on the Nergyl - Fallen, the fallen came to be when a Nergyl daemon dies. They look extremely different, but they derive from each other. When a Fallen dies, it turns into a Nergyl daemon, just as any other being would do. When a foe of the Nergyl daemons are killed, then a larvae from their "hatching chambers" comes out to grow into another larvae.

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Aquajag

89 posts

Nomad

Posted September 18, '08 11:29pm UTC

Ah. You might try to make that clearer in the story (though it still sounds fairly complicated). Thanks for clarifying.

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thoadthetoad

5,642 posts

Peasant

Posted September 19, '08 1:13am UTC

no problem. I should do that. I will, but it will be when the next chapter comes out of the attack on the deadtown that our heroes just faced. I will make this chapter soon, so don't worry.

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jpx111

264 posts

Nomad

Posted September 20, '08 4:33am UTC

Hey thoadthetoad...nice story. I have some suggestions/comments...

I have no family, friends, or acquaintances.

- I like this sentence A LOT

They have all died from this slaughter.

- I don't really like the 'have'...

An undocumented space-craft had crashed, I dug this information up in a government file when I started in the military.

- *gulp* run-on sentence!!! I'd put a semicolon instead of a comma...and the last part of the sentence sounds weird to me...

before we could take any samples of it,

- since when do people take samples of spacecrafts?...they usually take the whole thing...

Unlike a tick, this parasite would kill everything.

-adding a 'However' before 'unlike' wouldn't hurt anyone...

After ten years

- I don't like how it sounds...maybe you should put something like 'Ten year later'

Each had two symbols similar to each other.

- This would be better if you said something specific about where the symbol was... like on the fuselage or something...

and pure fear had struck

- please say who it struck...

earths surface that day

-you mean "earth's"

Cities started to go dark

- maybe something like 'cities plunged into darkness'

They were horrified with their results.

-you mean 'findings' not 'results'

They were horrified with their results. They found that the buildings were covered in a odd substance. Plants of unkown origin had started to form. The seeds of the plants were highly volatile and unstable. The leaves of the plant were harder than steel.

- try using colons here...it would be a great place to use one

The findings of the dead town were scary, and the world went to panick.

- this sentence sounds sorta kiddish and doesn't go with the other sentences... :P

Other people fled from dead towns

- 'Others' would be better instead of ' other people'

The findings found at dead towns were only of the outskirts.

-you need to find a better word than 'findings'
- 'of' ( i know you meant 'on' could be changed to 'at'

That's all i could find in the intro...I'm too tired to give detailed thingies on other sections too...if i sound too picky or whatever, please tell me...i will shut up :P
You need to work on your flow a bit more

Hey thoadthetoad...nice story. I have some suggestions/comments...\r\n\r\n[quote]I have no family, friends, or acquaintances.[/quote]\r\n- I like this sentence A LOT :D\r\n\r\n[quote]They [b]have[/b] all died from this slaughter.[/quote]\r\n- I don't really like the 'have'...\r\n\r\n[quote]An undocumented space-craft had crashed, I dug this information up in a government file when [b]I started in the military[/b].[/quote]\r\n- *gulp* run-on sentence!!! I'd put a semicolon instead of a comma...and the last part of the sentence sounds weird to me... \r\n\r\n[quote]before we could take any [b]samples[/b] of it,[/quote]\r\n- since when do people take samples of spacecrafts?...they usually take the whole thing...\r\n\r\n[quote]Unlike a tick, this parasite would kill everything.[/quote]\r\n-adding a 'However' before 'unlike' wouldn't hurt anyone...\r\n\r\n[quote]After ten years[/quote]\r\n- I don't like how it sounds...maybe you should put something like 'Ten year later'\r\n\r\n[quote]Each had two symbols similar to each other.[/quote]\r\n- This would be better if you said something specific about where the symbol was... like on the fuselage or something...\r\n\r\n[quote]and pure fear had struck[/quote]\r\n- please say who it struck...\r\n\r\n[quote][b]earths[/b] surface that day[/quote]\r\n-you mean "earth's"\r\n\r\n[quote]Cities started to go dark[/quote]\r\n- maybe something like 'cities plunged into darkness'\r\n\r\n[quote]They were horrified with their [b]results[/b].[/quote]\r\n-you mean 'findings' not 'results'\r\n\r\n[quote]They were horrified with their results. They found that the buildings were covered in a odd substance. Plants of unkown origin had started to form. The seeds of the plants were highly volatile and unstable. The leaves of the plant were harder than steel.[/quote]\r\n- try using colons here...it would be a great place to use one :D\r\n\r\n[quote]The findings of the dead town were scary, and the world went to panick.[/quote]\r\n- this sentence sounds sorta kiddish and doesn't go with the other sentences... :P\r\n\r\n[quote][b]Other people[/b] fled from dead towns[/quote]\r\n- 'Others' would be better instead of ' other people'\r\n\r\n[quote]The [b]findings[/b] found at dead towns were only [b]of[/b] the outskirts.\r\n[/quote]\r\n-you need to find a better word than 'findings'\r\n- 'of' ( i know you meant 'on') could be changed to 'at'\r\n\r\nThat's all i could find in the intro...I'm too tired to give detailed thingies on other sections too...if i sound too picky or whatever, please tell me...i will shut up :P\r\nYou need to work on your flow a bit more :D

offline

Ricador

3,722 posts

Shepherd

Posted September 20, '08 5:52am UTC

I enjoyed what you have so far.

Keep it coming.

Just one question:

Do you know what is about to happen before you type it?

offline

thoadthetoad

5,642 posts

Peasant

Posted September 20, '08 7:14am UTC

not entirely, I get a main Idea and go along from that.

Jpx, since I figure you'll point this out when you read the next chapter and say it's contradictory, I'll point it out and say I didn't mean to.

I have no family, friends, or acquaintances.

in the second chapter it verifies that he does have ONE friend, and his name is Charlie, he also is part of a regiment, so the acquaintances thing was contradictory also. I didn't really mean to put this there and yeah. Now then, my explanation to all the gramatical errors and stuff. . .well, this is kinda a rough draft. Also, I am only a 13-year-old so I need to do more than one draft in order to make it immaculate. Thanks for the healthy critisism, and please, comment more. The next chapter will be in aproximatly. . . .12 hours, and it is currently 1:14 A.M. my time.

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thoadthetoad

5,642 posts

Peasant

Posted September 26, '08 2:11am UTC

Finnaly! I get back to this god forsaken thread. It has been what, 50 HUNDRED YEARS?! anyways, I'm going to blow on my thumb and pop this dang chapter out of my butt, so no promises that it will be especially good. FEAR MAH FILLER

. . .nevermind, writers block. JUST TELL ME WHAT U THINK OF MY NERGYLS PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ

offline

thoadthetoad

5,642 posts

Peasant

Posted September 29, '08 9:39pm UTC

Since I don't want to give the people who actually read my stuff any false hope, I just want to say that nergyl war is going on a small hiatus. I don't have enough time so yeah. . .I'll notify when it goes back on a regular schedule.

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Demonarian23

415 posts

Nomad

Posted October 2, '08 5:57pm UTC

ya ok i read it its cool i quit

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thoadthetoad

5,642 posts

Peasant

Posted October 2, '08 7:14pm UTC

ya ok i read it its cool i quit

You quit? Um. . .. ok then. . . .

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thoadthetoad

5,642 posts

Peasant

Posted October 4, '08 12:48pm UTC

*cracks fingers*
OK! Sorry for the slump everyone. . . .SRSLY, THIS IS THE NEXT CHAPTER! TERRACOTTA PIE (curse you SOAD!)!!!!!

"Shit! Corporal, go on the roof and see if we're stuck in this damndable postition!" I shouted taking charge of all others. All he did was look down, mourn and went upstairs. "Charlie! You go with him for backup in case we find another one of those things," I said again. Looking around, I saw that the building we mistook for a safe place was torn to hell with scratches and looked very unstable, that monster was probably going to get in soon. After waiting for about 10 minutes, the group came back from the roof.
"Status report sir!" Said the corporal.
"Good, what did you find?"
"Well sir, it looks like this building will topple over if we can somehow push it."
"What good would that do us?"
"There is another building not too far away from this one, if we could jump to the next building we could get the hell away from that thing." Thinking the idea was crazy as hell, I thought it over. No way, that's stuff that actors do in ancient action movies. . .there's no way that all of us would make the jump, but we don't have many choices. . .damn!
"Ok, corporal, your the only Idea we got, so we'll use it. That thing will break into the building in about 10 minutes."
"Split squad B, do you have that C4?" I asked.
"Yessir! What are you thinking of doing with it? Throwing it on the monster?" One of the team members answered.
"Kindof, Team A and C get to the roof, back to backs, this place might be crawling with things we don't know of. Team B, help me set the C4 on the wall, corporal, which direction was the building?"
"It was to the south, away from where the monster is pounding."
"Alright, B team, help me set it up on that side. Godspeed!" Placing the C4 in the right place while the others went into position, I wondered if I was going to make it out alive. "Set it for a good 15 minutes, we're going to need it to go up the stairs." Simply nodding, the team did as they were told. After the bomb was set, we rushed without even thinking of bringing out our guns. Thankful to god, I was releived that none of our team had died in the elevator and that we didn't die from any of those things.
"Brace yourselves! This is going to be a bad blast!" I screamed. The bomb detonated and the house shook. The 30 seconds after that had seemed like an hour. Aiming my jump and hoping for the best, I just waited. The house wasn't moving!
"Go to the south part of the building! we have to put more weight on this before it can crawl up the stair well!" My plan had worked, and the building started to fall. I glanced over my left shoulder and my best friend charlie was scared shitless. He had always been afraid of heights, and had hated falling. I grabbed his hand and said, "Jump!" All teams had grabbed the rooftop. Me, squad B, C, and part of A was able to climb up. 3 members of squad A had fallen to the ground. I looked down at the monster, I guess it thought that the blast had killed us, so it walked back to the dead town.
+++End of Chapter+++

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE comment, if you read it, I can't stress you ENOUGH to comment on it. I don't even care if you say "it was good" or "terrible". Even though I DO rather you comment something constructive, so that way I can change it to the readers liking.

*cracks fingers* \r\nOK! Sorry for the slump everyone. . . .SRSLY, THIS IS THE NEXT CHAPTER! TERRACOTTA PIE (curse you SOAD!)!!!!!\r\n\r\n    "Shit! Corporal, go on the roof and see if we're stuck in this damndable postition!" I shouted taking charge of all others. All he did was look down, mourn and went upstairs. "Charlie! You go with him for backup in case we find another one of those things," I said again. Looking around, I saw that the building we mistook for a safe place was torn to hell with scratches and looked very unstable, that monster was probably going to get in soon. After waiting for about 10 minutes, the group came back from the roof.\r\n     "Status report sir!" Said the corporal. \r\n     "Good, what did you find?"\r\n     "Well sir, it looks like this building will topple over if we can somehow push it."\r\n     "What good would that do us?"\r\n     "There is another building not too far away from this one, if we could jump to the next building we could get the hell away from that thing." Thinking the idea was crazy as hell, I thought it over. [i]No way, that's stuff that actors do in ancient action movies. . .there's no way that all of us would make the jump, but we don't have many choices. . .damn![/i] \r\n     "Ok, corporal, your the only Idea we got, so we'll use it. That thing will break into the building in about 10 minutes." \r\n     "Split squad B, do you have that C4?" I asked.\r\n     "Yessir! What are you thinking of doing with it? Throwing it on the monster?" One of the team members answered.\r\n     "Kindof, Team A and C get to the roof, back to backs, this place might be crawling with things we don't know of. Team B, help me set the C4 on the wall, corporal, which direction was the building?"\r\n     "It was to the south, away from where the monster is pounding."\r\n     "Alright, B team, help me set it up on that side. Godspeed!" Placing the C4 in the right place while the others went into position, I wondered if I was going to make it out alive. "Set it for a good 15 minutes, we're going to need it to go up the stairs." Simply nodding, the team did as they were told. After the bomb was set, we rushed without even thinking of bringing out our guns. Thankful to god, I was releived that none of our team had died in the elevator and that we didn't die from any of those things. \r\n     "[b]Brace yourselves! This is going to be a bad blast![/b]" I screamed. The bomb detonated and the house shook. The 30 seconds after that had seemed like an hour. Aiming my jump and hoping for the best, I just waited. The house wasn't moving! \r\n     "Go to the south part of the building! we have to put more weight on this before it can crawl up the stair well!" My plan had worked, and the building started to fall. I glanced over my left shoulder and my best friend charlie was scared shitless. He had always been afraid of heights, and had hated falling. I grabbed his hand and said, "[b]Jump![/b]" All teams had grabbed the rooftop. Me, squad B, C, and part of A was able to climb up. 3 members of squad A had fallen to the ground. I looked down at the monster, I guess it thought that the blast had killed us, so it walked back to the dead town. \r\n     +++End of Chapter+++\r\n\r\nPLEASE PLEASE PLEASE comment, if you read it, I can't stress you ENOUGH to comment on it. I don't even care if you say "it was good" or "terrible". Even though I DO rather you comment something constructive, so that way I can change it to the readers liking.

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