The Armor Games website will be down for maintenance on Monday 10/7/2024
starting at 10:00 AM Pacific time. We apologize for the inconvenience.
The Armor Games website will be down for maintenance on Monday 10/7/2024
starting at 10:00 AM Pacific time. We apologize for the inconvenience.
3868 | 3766929 |
First, I will post the overall rules, and then I will post the specifics about this week.
Original rules, as stated by Ubertuna:
It must fit the week's theme.
It must be submitted by the deadline.
It cannot have inappropriate language in it.
It cannot be stolen (if you plagiarize, we will find you).
Talking about Lucifer's poem I really liked his!
So I judged it too yesterday but had an AG mishap and couldn't post it. But I saved it on my CP so here goes nothing!
Lucifer
The poem is great as a whole but all good work deserves a bit of constructive criticism and judging! So I shall begin...
The first stanza was well made, with a full rhyme. But I thought the last bit was awkward, for a lack of a better word. The rhyme seemed forced so it kind of stretched the ending giving me a 'bleh' feeling. An essence of mediocre, if you may. Anyway something along the lines of this should fit better:
When I see my giant oak tree
Glisten after a cool summer shower,
I grow giddy and climb it with glee.
As time flies by, hour after hour.
I added giant because it keeps each line around the same length of sound. Changed 'the tree' with 'it' because the sentence had a rhyme in it and that made it seem silly. Now the last sentence still fits in nice but doesn't have any awkward feeling to it.
Second stanza has great text in it. Nothing really to say about it, because it's yours. Anything that I would want to say would just be things I prefer.
Third stanza is almost there, but the only change/revision to make would be to take out the word 'maybe'.
Is it the water or maybe the sun you saw?
->Is it the water or the sun you saw?
I don't think that fourth stanza is written correctly. Because to me It feels like it doesn't belong in the poem. Maybe this works better?
::
With each torrental burst,
I wonder if you're gonna be the same
As that dainty shower first.
Or that beast that can't be tamed.
::
*That fury knows no bounds,
Like the fickle woman alone.
The guilt you carry always comes around,
To the dainty, you better stay at home.
*That works better because your indirectly talking about a downpour, not directly. So no more' your', just 'that'.
The ending really finishes off the poem well, and gives that true meaning of rain. Overall well done. If this was a scored by a scale of 1-10 this is an 8!
Props!
actually you should know that in poetry it gives depth if the lines are not roughly the same
by replacing "the tree" with "it" you have destroyed the dual line dexilic hexameter style of the quatrain.
Is it the water or maybe the sun you saw?
->Is it the water or the sun you saw?
I haven't destroyed anything because the poem hasn't actually changed so thus I haven't done a thing besides give my opinion as a judge oh so does well. ANd I think that makes a line seem silly if you have the same end rhyme in your poem in the line that ends the end rhyme.
For some weird reason Im getting the feeling you called me a retard...
For some weird reason Im getting the feeling you called me a retard...
I haven't destroyed anything because the poem hasn't actually changed so thus I haven't done a thing besides give my opinion as a judge oh so does well. ANd I think that makes a line seem silly if you have the same end rhyme in your poem in the line that ends the end rhyme.
Sorry I was grumpy and tired, lol. I knew you didn't mean what I thought you said after I posted that, a little late but stuff happens. Anyway vote for Valhalla for this weeks poetry, it'll be fun!
DDX and Choazmachine, I really liked LuciferSatanis but I liked choazmachines better, its just based off of who is judging.
Second Place! Thanks so much for the consideration. I was skeptical about placing, due to the shortness of my poem, it was actually adapted from a song I wrote a while back. Thanks again adrecka!
A good theme would be. . .life.
2 votes for life, 1 for valhalla.
Well I don't know if we have done life before, I dont think so. I like life, but i also think its a very broad topic. Which can be a good or bad thing. I'm still unsure what the theme should be. AHWWW being judge is HARD.
But I think this week the theme is....Life, sorry choazmachine. Maybe next week.
Life: Write about your life, your take on life, a life, how you should view life, ect....
I was skeptical about placing, due to the shortness of my poem
How about life as a dog. I guess someone thought "Whut?" on my poem. But at least I got an award!
Life would be a giant of a topic. The judge would have a hard time deciding due to the wide variation. How about a smaller topic encompassed in life. Like the life of a specific person, your life etc.
Life is a broad topic, but I think I can handle it. As long as everyone promises to not get mad over my choice
Thread is locked!