Time We Never Had
Where have you gone?
Down some dark deserted drive that trails ever on?
Into the lost light that lives among the grey gloom of the night?
Into the black shadows that hide hideous things from sight?
I wander aimlessly from place to place
Clutching at the phantom image of your face.
It withers and strugles to escape my mind's eye,
As if all I have said and done, has come to hurt you, and make you cry.
But, still, through this cramped crowd of peerless wanderers I press,
My heart is a shallow thing, I must confess
For, ever in my heart I ponder one night so long ago,
When I heard you whisper the word, "Angelo."
These half made streets that I walk
Forever hear the heels of my soles go tock, tock.
And it seems to me that all else has faded,
And into this monsterous, onerous ocean, I never waded.
But still my heart bears the scars of our last parting.
How we fled the grand places! So young and swift, so darting.
In the night we made our home
And so we passed out days on the grassy loam.
Ah...how we spent those days.
Alas, now it is all a haze.
A haze...a haze...
How I yearn for those sun filled days.
Where we could count the blue birds by song,
O a beautiful escape from the city throng.
Ah the places we went!
Now the seem so broken, so bent.
In these latter days I have come to questions,
Not by any virtue of curiosity I assure
But, by my own actions I must concure,
With whole stately manner in this affiar,
I have begun to wonder, "Did you ever care?"
For, it seems to me that you have led me blind
And into dark places where I have no hopes in which to fine
The way out and back to you.
No way out and back to those places I once knew
And not in ten score years
Shall I ever find a more hated place than these empty fears.
This wandering of empty streets
Amid grey fog, purple fog, red fog, black fog, and endless sleets;
A ceaseless search for one so lost,
I fear my sanity may be the cost.
The cost of which I must pay
To find once more a brighter hope, and light of day.
While the drum beats roll on and on
I ask myself edlessly, "Where have you gone?"
How long have a combed these coridoors?
Glancing at old and worn barred doors!
Only to prowl these long lost streets
With a broken mind and weary feet,
It seems so drear in the end.
I was once told, "Drink is your only friend,"
So silence sighs in the face of all hopes and dreams.
Which slowly give way to endless screams.
Ah, but where am I now?
I smell the salt and tang of the sea,
Is this the place that has called to me?
Is this the place where you ran and hid?
And with a cruel cold smile that did
In truth reveal those wicked fangs.
Is these where all of man hangs?
The sea.
The sea that has cried out to me,
And bid me come ease my worries in its waters,
To forget the names of sons and daughters,
To let go of all I hold dear,
And place my mind far from fear.
My fears of those emoty street I once tread
The sea softly tells me, "They are dead."
A knife to the heart to be sure.
For this disease there is no cure.
No cure in which to make me whole,
I've given my heart, mind, and soul
To the sea.
To you whispering voice,
"No god was I! I had no choice,
But to submit to my wicked ways."
The days, it seems are in a haze,
O such a lovely haze I do recall...
But now that summer has faded into fall
I must go where I am needed most,
And as it slips away I offer this one last toast:
O give me your thoughts and fears!
O give me your worries and cares!
I shall take them away, across the sea!
Please do not weep, for you cannot follow me!
But, at last, alas, I go to the sea.
Ah, the tost has been given,
The streets now cleared,
And away I shall sail.
Away...away into a brighter day.
And now I realize I have given
What was not mine to give.
O, but smile sweetly for the world,
Cherish these moments we never dreamed.
As I whisper on my sailing shipe.
Alas, my life has finally brought me
To the sea.
You weep away the sunset hours
Though the sky is clear, you bring showers.
You weep, you say, forevermore,
Until heartless sea devours the shore.
But my dear, my love, my friend
All that lives must come to and end.
Fear not death or passing time,
It is not a punishment for some long forgotten crime.
Hold our memories in a secret jar
The, you'll know, I shall never be far.
But know that I love you forever
From the bottom of my crimson heart.
You left me, and I you.
Yet, never did, and never shall we bid
Adieu.
This poem tells the story of two lovers who have parted ways, the man, grief sticken falls into a madness in which there seems little escape. He ever wanders his old haunts and the places he remembers where he and his love visited in hopes of finding the joy and happiness that he once knew. However, these attempts fail and he eventually ends up dying from his grief.
The woman led the man on to believe that he was still loved, for a time, before turning her back on him completely (3rd stanza). Yet, upon the man's death she realizes she has made a mistake, and yet it is too late to change the past. However the last stanza is the voice of the man's ghost giving his love one last farewell as she contemplates suicide. In the end their love did not die.
The crossroads in life are many and varied, and they do not always intersect when we wish them to, or they come when we wis they didn't. Unfortunately we cannot keep the things we cherish the most no matter how much we might wish it. I wrote this poem almost three years ago thinking I knew what it was about. I realize now that I only now have come to terms with only part of the themes within this work.
And yes, the explaination is important.
