Top three and one runner-up pour le contest, oh hoh hoh. Also, sorry if I miss a capitalization or something . . . pSX(sephiroth isn't going to stop himself!) is totally raping my shift keys.
The runner-up, so close to being in the top three . . . orion.
Execution of nature,
Destruction of Earth,
Diabolical rupture,
Gives mountains birth.
Ending of the world,
Soon to have the world fall apart,
The crust swirled,
Creation of Earth's heart.
Masterful creation,
Life of deathly sorrow,
Flat lands ****ation,
Worldly difference on the morrow.
Millions of years in a day,
Creates the monolithic structure,
Even mountains shall not stay,
Death of infrastructure.
Lively creation,
Birth of life,
Inspire admiration,
Killing strife.
The first stanza is absolute gold. give me a whole poem of that quality, and it'd be second or first. The flow, rhyme, and mood are great. The second stanza, however, messes it up some. The first line feels short in retrospect to the second, and the double usage of 'world' causes a hiccup. The third line is short again, while the third is back on track. The third stanza is also good, and the rest of the poem evens out a bit. It's a bit off-the-wall, like wajor's, but the flow of a lot of it just feels awkward, and not really in a good way. you have mood totally down, though. Apocalypse was on my computer screen for a while as I read it. I had a tough time choosing between you and moonfairy for 3rd place, to b honest.
Third place, we have a short and sweet poem by the one and only lunar pixie that ever comes by AG . . . Moonfairy!
Where the sky reaches the land
Higher and higher
Touch God's hand
An overwhelming desire
To reach the peak
At peace with the life
No more answers to seek
No more strife
For me
Just live
And be free.
I'm a sucker for the rhyme scheme you have, I'll admit it. I like how you beat arond the bush with the poem, never really mentioning a mountain but describing it in such a down-to-earth (how PUNishing) way. The last three lines I end up reading as one because they're all so short.
Second place, with an acrobatically verbose work . . . wajor!
Down deep to the cold, dark and foreboding depths of the ocean;
Where few if any creatures dwell,
except for the tiny amoebae in their isolation.
Waiting patiently for the earth to make up its mind;
At just the right time,
to slowly, quietly, almost gently open a door,
On the ocean floor.
Some time later, it begins with the earth giving a deep sigh,
causing an exciting convulsion;
Exciting because you see the earth,
wants to give birth.
To what, you might ask?
Oh, but not yet, not time yet to share its gift.
This gift will be a wonderful surprise for you that,
at first seems too simplistic.
This gift may wait a million years to take shape,
and grow into something majestic.
So, have patience and rest a while longer but,
not too long for this birth can be quite a disruption;
As it takes shape and grows taller and wider, rocks will tumble.
When rocks tumble the earth starts rumbling,
Making it sound as if the ocean's grumbling.
All the while, slowly, gracefully the gift takes shape;
It grows taller, wider until one day the waves,
no longer conceal its landscape.
The day we've been waiting for,
the birthday of a mountain, resplendent!
Not at first, for now it seems merely a platitude,
later to be covered with new life, lush and tropic.
Perhaps 40 thousand years or more, depending on latitude,
and longitude for the gifts magnitude,
To become fully realized as scenic.
Now the mountain's surface is abundant;
Resplendent with vibrant colors of choice flowers and fruit.
The Mountain is ready for a name,such as a man names his suit his, Sunday, wool or brown.
This mountain could grow up to be an island grand or repugnant.
Just like a string of pearls,each more beautiful than the first,
or in desolation.
All alone, small, not even a bay or a town.
I think c/ping this doubled the length of my post, lol. Anyway, I have to respect that you can maintain good flow throughout most of the poem when its so verbose - most of the poem is very well-balanced. The 4th and 5th lines in stanza 3 seem slightly short when read as two separate lines. Also, the rhyming hiccups a bit on the word 'resplendent' in stanza 6; while this reads as intentional, I'm expecting another rhyme, and it catches me short a little each time I read it. But still, I heavily admire the effort you took in balancing outthe flow of the poem with all the words you used, and the elegance of your vocabulary adds a lot for me.
Who could top wajor with the 1st place prize? Do you know? no, so I'll tell you! It's one of everybody's two favorite debating canines featured inthe WEPR, wolf!
Amid all this wonder
I am but the lonely traveller.
A walker of twisting paths that lead ever on.
Past the roof of the world
Where there are no clouds
To hide me from the eyes of the sun.
Where the wind bites me,
And strips me to the barest parts of me.
Where snow ever gleams
Like pure diamonds.
And far off you can hear the silence.
You can hear the silence
And it is here that I climb,
To escape.
Here, to the roof of the world.
I fixed up the typos and the homonyms for you. This poem has a feeling of warm, comforting solitude that really gets the heart of the theme. You really captured the spirit and essence of a Tibetan mountain. The poem really unfolds near the end, touching on the emphasis of hearing the silence, the escapism of such majestic altitude. The poem isn't without its problems - you overuse the word 'me' in the middle of the poem, for example, and you like the word 'ever' quite a bit - but the flow of the poem, which is good even written in free verse, along with the embodiment of the theme, earn it first place. Get yer merit.
New theme is Strings. This is another thinker like the temperature one, so I'll give you two weeks for it. Deadline is August 1st.
