Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Periodic Poetry Contest - Theme: Touch of Truth (Page 390, due Jan. 28)

Abscess makes the heart grow fainter

Spelling error in the first line?

Spelling error in the first line?

Abscess makes the heart grow fainter. Unless you really did want the word to be abscess.

Unless you really did want the word to be abscess.

Final submissions have to be made in two day's time.

Coma

Watching the clock tick,
realizing I am sick.
I have no idea who I've become,
this new mind of mine is a slum.

Time has been cruel, time has been sly,
but I can't keep up with everyone walking by.
All of these years, what did I miss?
The last few years, I was in silent bliss.

What must I do to regain all that have been,
to undo the values of my sin.
I can't hide the taste of iron in my mouth,
I fear my time may almost be out.

Tried to remove the weird squares. Hope it worked.

You clock away ignoring all strife,
With a will, a vision, a goal to claim,
Much have you witnessed, in your endless life,
The rise to and fall from fame.

How long has your time been?
Oh mighty, who measures other's times,
How many great lives have you seen?
How many more smirched in the dust of crime?

But what in this long life, have you attained?
Your long glory in poetry over-exclaimed,
What moral from your story can be gained?
You are but a beast that can not be tamed.

The glory of mortals in the ground who lie,
Are immortals with thrones above the sky.

Yeah, my first comment in this thread. And I tried a sonnet.

Submissions have been closed. I'll try to judge soon. As always, judging position is up for those who want to after this round.

I'm afraid I can't do a thorough debrief on the judging this round; I'll be listing the top three, and just a minute description. PM me if you really really want an indepth opinion. The quality of the poems seems to be getting much better, so kudos to everyone!



Third: Zaork

Characters

Abscess makes the heart grow fainter
Am I here to sit and wait or
Will this mindless, heartless grater
Find a way to fill the crater?

What else to do but lie upon
The insufferable metallic hum?
It grows incredibly the same, along
The emptiness around my lung

A vital sign shakes the sheet
The tablet laying at my feet
Springs into life as if a fleet
Of lovers hands make cautious greet

Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Give it time and it will wander
To another heart along the
Flitting, fleeting never longer.

One of the more eloquent and refined poems submitted; the rhyming throughout almost makes this pensively sing-song.


Second: Parsat

Alas,
The glory days.
I knew them well enough.
When pens clashed, spilling ink on page,
When forms and rhyme would flow like precious blood,
When hearts of poetry engraved.
The prosody they loved
Will always
Last.

Ah, good old Parsat injects more quality into the contest. I like how at the climax of the poem, it rises to a crescendo that's not only represented by the diction, but the physical structure of the poem itself, dragging the high point out. And a poem about past poetry always plays the nostalgia card nicely.


First: gnosiphile


Neocortical Slaves

Though vague and surprised, the R-complex perceives
the passing of cycles of cold and of heat.
The languishing days go swimmingly by
while each does its best to pass on and survive.
'Til finally at once they leave piles of meat
having never considered the coming defeat.

But oh, not for us, neocortical slaves!
We parse out the night and we labor by day.
We wait for the chill to creep into our bones
always hoping at best that we won't pass alone.
We struggle and toil full knowing futility,
though sometimes the best of us has the facility
to recognize patterns in things and reations,
eventually finding the Lorentz contractions,
the method by which we can slow down decay
and swing past the average that we tend to stay.
But nevertheless it still cannot change
the perception of passage or the end of our range.
So forward we look, never knowing how far,
having once been, and perhaps will again, matter in stars.


I like how the poem hits all the right notes there, and shows how the perception and knowledge of time is not necessarily a desirable thing when we compare our sense of impending futility and coming despair with baser life forms. The diciton was apt, crisp and of course, it stood out from the rest. Not that the rest were bad, but this made for a more mature read.



As usual, good job everyone! gnosiphile, go and ask a mod for your merit.

The next theme will be Distances and Spaces, and as per normal, deadline closes when there are sufficient entries or the time lapse is too long. Whichever first.

You and Me:

The distance between us grows each day,
I can feel you slipping away,
The space in my mind is filled with you,
I'm afraid, that my time is due,
This is headed towards a messy ending,
One that all will remember.

Falling away, from this place called earth,
I'm awaiting renewal, a new birth,
This life is close to over,
I need you by my shoulder,
This is headed towards a messy ending,
One that you will remember.

On a side note, Mav will be taking over as judge from this round onwards. Multiple reasons, one it's not fair for a judge to remain one for more than a few rounds, because poetry is subjective, hence my opinions will almost certainly be different from the chap next door. Next, life throws curves balls, resulting in a paucity of free time at inconvenient periods. And last, I still want to take part in future rounds. So anyway, don't kill your next judge, and good luck~

So anyway, don't kill your next judge

Hopefully y'all can distinguish my relativity to the theme and the flow to my poem.

"A Poem to my Triumph"

Paramount to my previous endevours;
An idiom to my paradox:
I'm surprisingly getting closer, yet farther away;
A paradox to my metaphor:
Space is a melody, which time sings;
A metaphor to my conclusion:
This gap will close, in time.

Again, hopefully y'all can see what I did there. =)