ForumsArt, Music, and WritingPeriodic Poetry Contest - Theme: Touch of Truth (Page 390, due Jan. 28)

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DragonMistress
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DragonMistress
1,080 posts
Peasant

First, I will post the overall rules, and then I will post the specifics about this week.

Original rules, as stated by Ubertuna:

It must fit the week's theme.
It must be submitted by the deadline.
It cannot have inappropriate language in it.
It cannot be stolen (if you plagiarize, we will find you).


Also:

The poem must be created for this contest
A user cannot win two weeks in a row (though everyone is welcome to submit every week!)
Only one submission per user will be accepted

As we all know, the winner will recieve a merit, and their poem will be featured on the _Poetry_ page.


OK, on to this week's topic...Again, we are having a style instead of a theme. Also, this week we are having TWO WEEKS to do it, instead of the usual one. Why? Because this will be an EPIC poem. Or, rather, a parody of an epic poem. Generally, epic poetry is very long, and tells the serious story of a heroic figure. Well, this week, the epic figure is YOU! Write a long poem (I'll leave the definition of 'long' up to you, but give it a good go) about the heroic story of you! It can be silly, serious, whatever... just have fun with it. You have two weeks, so have a great time!
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Parsat
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Parsat
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Jester

LOL...Alt's better at judging closer to time than most of us... :P

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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Farmer

I dont have all day man! I got testing and crap 2moro and the next day. so I would really appreciate if judging was today!

trablis
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trablis
109 posts
Peasant

I made this one at school

Sadness
smells like growing mold in an old abandended house,
smells like doggy doo-doo on a clean carpet,
tastes like cake and brownies with no sugar,
sounds like a wolf howling in an old abandoned night sky,
AWHOOOO!
feels like a knife peircing through my heart,
feels like an empty soul in my body,
Sadness

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
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Farmer

Ugh, I know this is the first, and hopefully only, late reply . . . but could someone guest judge for me? I'm totally swamped right now, and I honestly have no time . . . .

Whoever judges, the new theme should be trenches(interpret it any way you want) and the deadline should be Saturday, June 4(or whatver the date is then)

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
3,391 posts
Farmer

NOOO NOT TRENCHES!!!!!! PLEASE NO!!!!!!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thepossum
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thepossum
3,046 posts
Peasant

So who gets to be the new judge?

thepossum
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thepossum
3,046 posts
Peasant

I mean it doesn't really matter to me but who's going to do it? Should we ask a mod to?...

EnterOrion
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EnterOrion
4,245 posts
Peasant

Somebody just judge. Or should I? Maybe someone who has been on this thread for a while? Oh wait that's most of us.

I'll do it if you guys want me too.

thepossum
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thepossum
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Peasant

OK then. But I like how you want to judge this one and you haven't even judged the Haiku one. That one has been due to judge for 5 days.

EnterOrion
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EnterOrion
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Peasant

I did that on purpose you know. Anyways, I'll judge that one first if it'll make you feel better. If someone better comes along to judge this one that'll be even better.

thepossum
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thepossum
3,046 posts
Peasant

Is no problem. Go ahead and judge whichever one you want. Or both.

EnterOrion
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EnterOrion
4,245 posts
Peasant

*Notice* This is temporary judging that can be overruled by any more senior members than me, the judge, or a mod, if it need be. Just to make that clear. So this is real if people want it to be, or just me spending my time doing pretend judging if the judging is deemed unofficial.

Fifth Place, Iron - LazyOne

Cold
Nor hot, nor tepid
Only some can feel it

The way it's supposed to be felt,
Only by winter it can be dealt...

And out of the few that feel it,
even fewer may hear it

The screaming voice of cold
tells things, never told

Cold,
It is a thing too pure
something too hard to endure

If you accept
If not, Percept

Receive the prize
of eternal demise...

It has a strange stanza layout. That doesn't restrict the poem, but it certainly is worth pointing out. Some of the words are out of place or off a little, but the rest is fine.

Fourth Place, Bronze - MoonFairy

Drastic Change

It is hot outside
But I am frozen.
There is nothing left
to keep me goin.

I am still walking around
And I still seem the same
But on the inside
There isn't a single flame.

I don't make a sound
Cause my heart doesn't beat.
I'm just waiting for someone
To help make me complete.

It's freezing in here
As cold as ice.
I'm waiting for my heart to melt.
But it won't,
Cause I won't make the same mistake twice.

You taught me
That even if something is great,
It will leave just like you did.
Cause it is my fate.

It was great until you went.
You just left me there alone
I will never forget what you did.
So now, I am fine on my own.

I don't need to feel like that again.
It couldn't possibly be good for any condition.
All the times that my heart skipped a few beats.
Boy, you played me like a pro musician.

So I don't need
A warm heart anymore.
Cause dealing with people
Became such a chore.

I will embrace the cold.
With open arms.
As you once did for me,
With all of your supposed 'love' and charms.

Yet there is still some hope left inside of me
That maybe one day,
Someone will come along,
And my world might not be so grey.

Quit being such a shutout.

Anyways, it was quite a dilemma where to place this. It's very good, and the rhythm and emotion were very good. The rhyme scheme was pretty good too. Good job.

Third Place, Silver - kingryan

The cold permeates,
Penetrates;
Frustrates;
Irritates;
All day and all night.
Yet I am warm.

The cold freezes,
Displeases;
Cause Sneazes;
And wheezes;
My toes are numb.
Yet I am warm.

The cold gnaws,
claws;
bores;
wars;
At the hearts of all.
Yet I am warm.

But your arms condole,
my whole;
my soul;
with no cajole;
And that is why right now,
I am warm.

I liked the creative layout of the stanzas. The continuous rhyme scheme was something that was special about it. Very good.

Second Place, Gold - Parsat

The Eternal Question

Lord, bless my spirit and my soul,
When heaven's ticket I have got,
I'll ask that question I don't know:
Is hell cold, or is it hot?

Some say that hell is made of fire
While others say it's like ice.
From SoCal summers, it's in the wire
That punishment is served with fire.
But stay in some white guy's house, pray tell,
Will teach you ice
Is cold as hell
And would suffice.

I like the poetic prayer style of the poem. It keeps flow perfectly, and none of the rhymes are strained. This is to be expected though, come on. It's you. I liked those last four lines especially. Nice.

First Place, Platinum - DDX

fever

Deluge of sweat and delusion,
The burning, the furnace,
My hunger only fuels confusion.
Why god, what is this purpose?

My body burns, but not in passion.
My eyes roll back, but not in pleasure.
Im am purging in the most ugly fashion.
Painkillers are my only treasure.

I am delirious with high fever,
My skin so hot it blisters
The ice is supposed to be my lever,
yet it disappears so quick like twisters.

Who would know that it could be so hot
On a december morn.
Maybe god would give me another shot,
Instead of leaving me forlorn.

I really liked this one. I read it at a really fast pace for some reason, and that added to the effect. Rhyme, rhythm, good. All of it. Anyways, awesome poem.

I would ask a mod whether or not my judging would count while you ask for the merit, though. It might not.

Anyways, as Alt requested the new theme is Trenches.

The deadline should be set by him.

PS: Anyone willing to criticize my poem would be great. Thanks.

Parsat
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Parsat
2,185 posts
Jester

Since you're a former judge here, and Alt requested a guest judge, your judging should be legitimate.

As for your poem, I think it retained too much of the remnants of rhyme/meter prose to have been effective free verse. It's not exactly prose either because of the spacing. The thing that's so hard to do with free verse is that every word cannot be metrical filler anymore; they must all be exactly right in their denotations and connotations. More figurative language was needed too, I think, to convey the effect of temperature.

EnterOrion
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EnterOrion
4,245 posts
Peasant

Thanks, Parsat. Greatly appreciated.

God's Killing Fields

Raining down a hail of shells,
Exploding into their hearts.
Slowly dying, hearing bells,
Dead before the killing even starts.
Screaming pain, lances men,
Soon will come the evitable end.

Tanks of steel across the land,
Shredding the German frontlines.
Machineguns, laying a line of bloodied sand,
Shredding all not killing by the mines.
Lead and rifles crack the air,
Filling the consripts with despair.

Running into uncertain fate,
People screaming out their fear.
Hear the booms, it's too late,
Screaming as they feel life disappear.
Gone away to heaven or hell,
Where they go no one tells.

Gas inhaled, soon to die,
The neuroagents shall kill you.
Fighting and dying for a lie,
Death comes, one and two.
Falling down, into your graves,
Where you sang songs in your caves.

While it never actually says the word 'trench' in it, it's about the first thing that comes to mind when I hear that word: World War I, which was essentially a trench war. Enjoy.

whimsyboy
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whimsyboy
979 posts
Peasant

Sorry if it's a bit violent.

Trench Parade

Running,
Through the muck and the myre,
Tripping
On the bodies and wire.
Falling,
Off blood-slippery cliffs,
You scream and you dodge
Those crippling hits.

Finding
Your friend's gory limbs,
Praying
And singing your hymns
Hiding,
Under corpse's shade,
While they run in the
Trench Parade.

Looking
At the gray dreary cloud.
Thinking
You're breathing just too loud.
Screaming,
As they find you there,
Stabbing, Shooting,
Your skin they tear.

Dragging,
Back through muck and myre,
Moaning,
You're chained to the tires.
Dieing,
Blood streams down your neck,
No going home,
No rain check.

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