First, I will post the overall rules, and then I will post the specifics about this week.
Original rules, as stated by Ubertuna:
It must fit the week's theme. It must be submitted by the deadline. It cannot have inappropriate language in it. It cannot be stolen (if you plagiarize, we will find you).
Also:
The poem must be created for this contest A user cannot win two weeks in a row (though everyone is welcome to submit every week!) Only one submission per user will be accepted
As we all know, the winner will recieve a merit, and their poem will be featured on the _Poetry_ page.
OK, on to this week's topic...Again, we are having a style instead of a theme. Also, this week we are having TWO WEEKS to do it, instead of the usual one. Why? Because this will be an EPIC poem. Or, rather, a parody of an epic poem. Generally, epic poetry is very long, and tells the serious story of a heroic figure. Well, this week, the epic figure is YOU! Write a long poem (I'll leave the definition of 'long' up to you, but give it a good go) about the heroic story of you! It can be silly, serious, whatever... just have fun with it. You have two weeks, so have a great time!
A fresh, hot, steaming plate 'o judging is coming up this weekend! Just keeping you guys posted, and also announcing that entries are officially closed.
Orion, I will accept that entry because it is within my three hour grace period after entries are closed. You are very lucky, but make sure you post your poem earlier in the future.
hmmm..."judging coming up this weekend" he said....lol...someone has taken an extended weekend...taking care of the hang over before judging...and he's a minor and all :P
hopefully you judge soon alt...so we can get started with a new theme
Nah, I'm not a fan of alcohol. A nice Shiraz or Merlot(I like Australian ones) sip from my dad's wine glass is always a welcome thing, though. And also, I was thinking Dan (DDX) would mention the possible sexual reference in my last post, so I double-posted to make up for it, lol.
Judging! This one is gonna be a runner-up and a top two. WE got a lot of entries this time around.
A'ight, one runner-up and a top two. I'm stressed out a lot(my aunt's brain tumor is flaring up again, kthx) so yeah.
Teeheegirl - The Ocean is Crazeh
I swim my way Through the bubbly cold sea Every stroke cautious The sharks prey on me.
Astray from my school, As scared as can be If I wasn't so colourful You'd see straight through me.
Blinded and frightened Around me's all dark What's that in the distance? OH SNAP! It's a shark!
I try to be brave Keep my eyes open wide... Face it! I'm a fish! Who cares if I died!
The shark smells my scent My courage fades out What to do now... Should I scream, hide, or shout?
I try to escape, But the shark cuts my path I start to imagine My personal bloodbath
"OH GOD HELP ME HELP ME!" I yell in pure fear The shark looms above me I'm SO outta here!
The shark snaps me up In one quick and short motion I give a scream Heard throughout the whole ocean
I think this is probably My very last night I'm in the shark's mouth Dodging teeth left and right
A sudden jolt upward Makes me jump in surprise What in the world Made this massive shark rise?
There's that feeling of falling Then men's voices are heard Forcefully, the shark's mouth opens And I hear "Oh my word!"
A hand pulls me out But I don't even care I'm turning blue 'Cause there ain't any air!
I'm face to face with a man Who holds me close to his eye He gives a huge laugh Then throws me into the sky
If my friends were all here I'm wave a good bye then again, they'd all say LOL! Fish can cry?!
My eyes grow gigantic Like round dinner plates As I land in the water to see my school mates
Everyone looks at me Like I'm some sort of bird You know what I said? "Well...that was absurd!"
Your command of rhythm is truly acrobatic in this poem. Almost every stanza has a perfect flow to it, and it had a whimsical, epic poem feel to it.
They stare at the blue sky, standing in the azure They wait for it to be obscured by a shadow In the refracted light, they wait for the future One where they will be more to enjoy the sorrow
They remember the shores; the last soil that they saw For they now are a part of the waves, of the tide They roll in and out too, in the hourglass they hide Waiting for a black spot to feed their growing awe
For the ocean it gives but also takes away The unsuspecting ones, they will wind up as prey A boat on the surface, a God is seen below They wait in reverence, they can't pray, they can't bow
Longing for sleep to come, will the hourglass be turned How many will it take for God to be burdened Time is measured by them, the sons of the waters Ghost towns in the ocean, villages of dreamers
I enjoyed the combination of the expressive vocabulary and oceanic rhythm. I also noticed how the perceived length of the lines is longer at the top and bottom, and a bit shorter in the middle . . . denoting an hourglass? Intentional or not, it magnifies the depth of the poem. The rhythm is lilting enough to be like the ocean, whcih I also liked.
And the winner is . . . .
PARSAAAT!!!! Some people's favorite Asian poet takes home another win with an impressive poem called 'The Old Man at the Wharf.'
Red lanterns, they have disappeared Behind the swirling mist. Now there was but blue regrets Of home that he now missed.
And sick was he, complexion green, No ginger now his stomach soothe. Wished he now that ocean waves Might pacify and smooth.
His babe was born in far Toisan Though he could never know. His wife died in delivery; Her husband had his woes.
A scraggly boat now paddled in To Golden Mountain's harbor. But riches here were naught to find For life here was much harder.
There were no mountains glittering Or riches one would think. But there was a land of racism: Of "Chinamen" and "ch1nks."
One hardened day of bitterness A letter came from home. He burnt it, and his tidal tears Now brimm'd like ocean foam.
But human spirit does not die Nor distant memory. And that is why that old man there Is crying to the sea.
I'm not sure what I can say about this. It may be that I'm biased towards your style or something, but the overall feel of the poem - the lilting, ballad meter, the great rhymes, the tone - that really hits me. You don't like dark poetry very much, but you're able to practically do a one-legged sideways moonwalk right on the line between melancholy and melodramatic without falling a step out of line, and you show that here. Also, the way you refer to the old man at the end really hammers it home - as if you're talkingto a new resident of this wharf town and you're talking about the man. That puts things on a more personal level, which in turn puts the poem on another level I like to call first place. Go get your merit~
New Theme: Temperature(hot, cold, anything you like) Deadline: Friday, May 20 (I want two weeks this time :P)
