The bronze award; zakyman
A New Land
The sails have been set,
the royals and jibs,
as we depart for a whole new land.
The seas will be rough,
our patience tested,
it will all be worth it in that whole new land.
Rig the aft!
Remove the topsail!
There's a gale coming in.
The thunder was mighty,
the lightning dazzling,
and then it struck.
The ship broke in half,
I know not how many died,
all in search if the whole new world.
I was washed up ashore,
didn't remember a thing,
I had made it to this whole new world.
As I gazed across the beach,
I saw naught but beauty,
out of the corner of my eye, an imperfection.
The was a flag, one of the Spaniards.
They had beaten us.
They had made it to this whole new world.
And as I write this, I hope you will know,
of the tails of the captain and his mighty crew.
This is my final hour.
I walk into the camp,
my hands held aloft,
I heard the sound of many hornets.
Then nothing.
Raise the anchor!
I hear the cry.
I have departed for a whole new world.
Why Bronze huh?; While I loved what you did with the theme, especially at the end, the desired reptitions didn't quite gave off the effect they should've. Playing with stylistic figures such as abusive repetitions must be utmostly well done or else it'll become much more of a bother than a plus to your piece. It all comes down to how the piece flows; it jags at times, it throbs at others, it flows the rest; truly a work-breaker here, nevertheless, the finishing touch was nice and I praise you for it. My advice for next time; keep the inspiration and try a more classical approach in terms of rhyme scheme.
( Then again, judging is all but impartial; that goes for all who're not in the top three so don't stress it out )
The silver award; jeol
Travelling through the lands,
I will explore each deep crevice.
Everything I will take note of;
Nothing will escape my gaze.
Marching through these uncharted sands,
The desert is not quite so inviting -
I shall continue to seek out land and love,
Wandering the gentle lay of the 'scape.
On I shall move, through realms uncharted.
Though sometimes bland and unexciting,
Lands will be ever contrasting,
No matter where you may gape.
Explore with me this nature unimparted,
Let us set out to the grand vistas afar.
In the unknown, there is no dissent.
Come, escape with me to the uncharted.
Why Silver over Bronze? Solely because the poem, as a whole, flows very well. Yet again, the finishing touch is adequate, but repetitions here make me pout a lil'bit. Uncharted three times in a four stanzas poem? A little bold in my opinion; much more harassing than interesting, however, the rhyming scheme is very smooth; not too strict but pressed enough to leave a nice ring in the ears, good job. The take on the theme is rather unoriginal, but then again, most everyone went for something clear rather than figurative.
Still; Silver right, not too shabby
The deserved Gold award; EnterOrion
If a tree falls in the forest,
Will it be heard?
Can it be seen
By insect or bird?
Is it a glimmer of truth and a lie,
Or does it belie
The maps that shan't cry?
If a man is killed
By a bear of great zeal,
Do the maps he has drawn
Be false or be real?
If that man is I,
What does that make me?
A saint of leaden gold
Hiding my horde for ten fold?
Or am I a cartograph,
Of truth and false lines;
Am I a map,
With gold in my mind?
I carved a landscape
Of blood ice and snow,
I kept my mind open,
My dreams under tow.
For I am a man,
Exploring great lands,
From ice covered Siberia
To the shores of Japan.
Across golden seas,
Reflecting the breeze;
The barren wastes,
To be left with all haste.
A freeform poet of worlds I have seen,
My quill at the ready, always waiting to sing.
A dancing mark of ink on a page,
I have written this world,
A geologic mage.
If a tree falls in the forest,
Will it be heard?
It is heard by my heart,
As free as a bird.
That is remarkable. The most original, brilliant take on the theme in my earnest opinion. The freeform poetry greatly complements the imaginative way in which you composed that piece. There's much to grasp from this, and as usual, most is arbitrarily determined; reminds me of Zoark's works. While not relating too openly to the theme, it's rather the mood and mysterious atmosphere cleverly instilled by the constant questionning the really brings us back to the essence of what's really uncharted. Thank you Enter, you deserved it, merit for you.
The next theme will be: Hurts Like Heaven ( Yup, doing some publicity for Coldplay's new album; it's in store now, help yourself! )
And I was happy to be the judge this time around, I hope you'll find I did a good job, though a little late too. Not going to school this year, I'm awfully busy with work; today's my tenth day of worki in a row :P.
The deadline'll be fixed by wolf when he hooks up on things here, meanwhile, I'll probably participate in next round too.
If you need me anytime else, don't hesitate to ask Wolf.
