Once there was a great warrior born amongst many other kids. His name was Zezima. He is now older and has been teaching others how to become a warrior and never show fear.
"Zezima!" says a warrior as he comes running up to Zezima saying something "We have a war on our hands and we have to fight, They're comming by sundown!" "Hmm, Get our soldiers ready and archers, we might need to have some catapaults."
"Sundown is almost here, Zezima." Says a archer above the castle walls. "I know, wait! There is a large army, THEY HAVE ARRIVED!" Says Zezima with a rough tone. "Tell the town to go home and hide!" Says Zezima. "On it." Says a soldier.
It is now sundown and they are closer...
"Positions, people!" says Zezima "Archers... Fire arrows ready..." "FIRE!!!" The sound of the arrows are flying past catapaults and soldiers. "SHIELDS" Says a Warlord called "Masamune".
Zezimo would be better, it is more masculine. Past tense would make it more dramatic, and give you the oppotunity to give it more realism and more describtive text: It is now sundown and they are closer...
The sun set slowly, and its golden rays made the marching army look greater and more fierce as the dying light made their armour crimson.
That is okay, I just come with a little critique when I can.
And... I love details. I often write stories, where there is little or no speech...
fire arrows do look better when at night. The sun blazed a few minutes over the edge of the world, then all was dark but the fire between the archers. They had little or no arrows left, but Zezima was eager to finish it. He himself took an arrow and fired. The flame flew through the air like a hawk of fire, flying free before it fell, hitting a soldier as its sharp head turned towards the hard, cold ground, dragging the soldier into darkness with it.
Yeah but my point, Zezima sounds like "Zeh-zee-mah" to me people think it is "Zih-zeh-mah"...
I always pronounced it Zeh-zee-muh, instead of "Zeh-zi-muh". Idk, where people get that.
The sun blazed a few minutes over the edge of the world, then all was dark but the fire between the archers. They had little or no arrows left, but Zezima was eager to finish it. He himself took an arrow and fired. The flame flew through the air like a hawk of fire, flying free before it fell, hitting a soldier as its sharp head turned towards the hard, cold ground, dragging the soldier into darkness with it.
yep, there is also a quote button by the image button and the image button is by the link button and the link button is by the Italic button and the Italic button is by the Bold button. . . . . .WHOO! *sneezes with a giant string of snot out of my nose. . .owwwww!*
