I have come to show you all the truth about our lives, the universe the end of the world. As of yet, there is only a sparse section of the holy text done. But more is to come! Have faith. Join today, and learn the truth!
The Book of Breakfastarianism
Commandments: And the Lord spoke thusly:
1) Thou shall not have any meals before breakfast. 2) Thou shall not forget to eat breakfast and thou shalt keep it delicious. 3) Thou shall not make wrongful use of breakfast by eating instant or pre-made breakfasts. 4) Thou shall not steal food from your neighbors plate at breakfast. 5) Thou shall not covet your neighbors breakfast nor his seat in the booth by the window.
The Beggining
In the beggining of time, there was nothing. But then came forth a mighty rumbling. Twas the stomach of the Lord, and He was famished. So He spoke. And He did say "Let there be light!" And the universe was washed with light, for the Lord could not make His meal in the dark. He then made all the stars in the sky and all the planets surrounding them because He thought they looked very nice. In doing so, He made a cluster of stars and planets he named the Milkyway for it sounded tasty. This galaxy became His favourite, so He made a decision: He going to create a planet with man upon it so they too could see the beauty he Made. After seven days and nights, the Lord was done making the planet and man. And the Lord did grin. And the Lord then did feast. He ate the skies, stars and the planets. He then spoke "This way, I shall always be able to watch over and protect man along with the universe around him." Feeling accomplished and satiated, the Lord then went on His way.
"And thus spake Maher-shalal-hash-baz, the mighty breakfast-chef-prophet, in the first and eightieth year of the reign of the Lunchites; thus spake the Lord, that ye shall have no meal before thy Breakfast unto me, yea, even thy Most Holy Breakfast unto me. Amen."
I must make a example to the heathens from my girlfriend, for she does not partake in this, the holiest of meals. It shall be done, in the name of the Almighty, and although it will cause me great suffering to rip her in twain, this task must be performed. I will then go to the most holy ground, Denny's, where I can gorge and reflect.
considering this is hours later, I don't feel bad double posting. An example of God's hunger: 2 Kings: 2 23-25 (my bible teacher's favorite quote)(it is unaltered) Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, âGo up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!â 24 So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two she-bears came out of the woods and ate forty-two of the youths. 25 Then he went from there to Mount Carmel, and from there he returned to Samaria.
I shall fast and eat only cereal for these next forty days. Only the most humble of grains will be within it to show my utter gratitude of a life of servitude and of the meal: conscripted breakfast.
I encourage everyone to join us, for the message and values of Breakfastarianism are ones that everyone can follow.
And so all can know, if we get the required amount of followers I will attempt to make it an actual religon. Until then, congregations shall not be held yet they will be described. Furthermore, the holy texts are being fleshed out. I will post updates as they come.
To join, either simply mention it on this topic or leave me a message on my profile.
Have faith, brothers and sisters. May your pancakes always be fluffy and eggs cooked correctly.
Oh my... I may have to look into the beliefs of this more carefully. I am in agreement that breakfast is by far the best meal of the day. My boyfriend disagrees with me on this... it truly saddens me.
Then join us, sister! The holy texts will someday be finished, and all shall be answered. Until then, have faith and convert your boyfriend. If need be, I will even make him delicious pancake and eggs. I am that devoted.
I don't think there is anything that is better than bacon... except maybe chocolate? MAYBE. What about bacon COVERED in chocolate... oh man, I think I have something there!!!
