Well Topic Says it all Have your best jokes here [b](BUT NOT SUPER OVER THE LINE ULTRA MEAN JOKES) well yeah u get the point and u may add "yo momma" jokes to ill check into dat one well
"I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead."
"I saw a charity appeal in the Guardian the other day, and it read "Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water". And I couldn't help thinking, she should move."
"I did a gig in the US once for the homeless. I said "It's nice to see so many bums on seats"."
"Theres been a lot of talk about genetic engineering I was wondering, is it wrong to breed piglets specifically for the purposes of weaning paedophiles off babies, only I'm thinking of starting a company called "They'll squeal, but not to the cops"."
"A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said, "All right, but we're not going to get much done.""
"When I was a kid, I used to have an imaginary friend. I thought he went everywhere with me. I could talk to him and he could hear me, and he could grant me wishes and stuff too. But then I grew up, and stopped going to church."
"I hear J Lo got her bottom insured for $10 Million, I wonder if that included contents"
"Question to people about to be hit by a tornado:
Why aren't you moving?
God will protect us.
Who do you think is sending the tornado?"
"Twenty years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that's disappointed? Still no superheros."
"I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it."
"If you tell a girl you like her but she says "I love you more like a brother", suggest a weekend in Norfolk. Unless you're from Norfolk, in which case it probably is your sister."
"I hate those e-mails where they try to sell you penis enhancers. How many do you have to get before paranoia sets in. I got ten just the other day. Eight of them from my girlfriend. It's the two from my mum that really hurt."
"My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying "Can I have a new bike?". He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike."
"I grew up in Slough in the 1970's, if you want to know what Slough was like in the 1970's, go there now."
"My favourite road sign is 'Falling Rocks'. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have a sign saying "Random accidents ahead", "Life's a lottery, Be lucky.""
"I was out with a friend and he came over with a pair of girls. I said to him "They're like buses." He said "What? Because you wait for ages and then two come along at once." I said "No, they are like buses!""
Um if there goin To be super long plz u have the right to post them in Different Reply(s)
I just thought it would be easier to post them all at once. Avoids spammy type stuff. Yay!
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose."
A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fucking cross? It's like going up to Jackie Onassis wearing a rifle pendant.
"People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting?" Guy said, "Way-ul, we didn' wanna be ab-duc-ted." If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction."
