Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → KOA Chronicles I- The Beginning

All was well in the Kingdom of Armor. For three thousand years, the country existed in a blissful golden age. The Kings had been benevolent, ruling justly. The latest of this line was King McNeely VII. He was assisted by a wise, noble council, the Council of Armor. The people were contented, all 215,000 of them. Crime level was virtually nil, except for the odd spammer. All was right, till three months ago.

The founder of the McNeely Dynasty whose name has now been lost to the ages had fought an evil being, the Naughty Sorceress Carlie at the Beginning of Time to gain control of the Kingdom and free the people whom Carlie had enslaved. He succeeded after an epic battle, banishing her to the Far North, imprisoning her in Castle Lupravia. For three millennium, she bided her time, gathered her forces and retrained herself in the dark artsâ¦

Now terror stalks the land. Carlie struck back finally, leading vast hordes from the Void across the land. The King was taken by surprise and imprisoned in a plexiglass prism, unable to break free. The Council was corrupted, a shadow of its former glorious self. One by one the great lords of the Council felt their will submitting to Carlie. The Naughty Sorceress granted a few of them great powers, throwing the weaker ones in the cell with the King. The Lord Morgreche, Keeper of the Royal Seal, was turned into the Prince of Spookiness. Duke Ubertuna, Chief Justice of the King was through a mysterious ritual resurrected as the Lord of Cold, installed in Castle Lupravia. Sir Devoidless, Commander of the Royal Guards resurfaced as the Viscount of Heat and was sent to the Desert of Skulls to the South. Dank, the ex-kingâs Royal Treasurer succumbed to the Sorceress, receiving the title Knight of the Sleaze. Lastly, Baron Strop appeared as the Tsar of Stench, ruling the Capital, Jacinto as a puppet of Carlie.

The populace was terrified; creatures of the night appeared and took them to the Sorceressâ lair, evil experiments conducted on them where their brains were altered, so they spoke in perfect grammar and talked less etc. Their freedom of speech was lost; there was acute food shortage, general mayhem⦠The most hated and drastic change was that SPAM meat was banned.

But not all was lost. One of the Councilmen had escaped and raised an army. The great Spamlord Jaza rose. The angry peasants flocked to his side, gathering whatever weapons they could find. Mercenary groups from other nations rushed over and joined the Grande Armée. Leetomancers once the Royal Mages of the King led by their Archmage, Demus sided with him. Rebellion quickly ensued, chaos reigned.

The Sorceress responded with haste. The Five Lords gathered their armies, the core of which comprised the Loyalists, men who had been tricked, coaxed to join the Sorceress. Void monsters were summoned from magical portals. War was inevitable.

It came. Lord Jaza trounced the Sorceressâ forces at the Battle of Tortuga. He captured more than half the Kingdom. But it was not to last. The Sorceress by some unspeakable black magic conjured up the Grey Plague, and slowly Jaza started losing ground, losing fortress after fortress. Just two weeks after the first battle, Jaza had lost half of his men to the epidemic. One Mercenary Captain left. Merciless, a hardened warrior had lost hope and defected with his army. With this betrayal, all was lost.

At the last skirmish fought, the Battle of Aether, Jazaâs army was utterly massacred, weakened by disease and with little will to fight. The Sorceressâ Void wizards drove Jazaâs army of the battleground. Her Spam Clubbers and Troll Tamers slew all of Jazaâs Leetomancers, decisively ending the battle. Jaza was captured, and thrown into a dirty pest infected jail cell, constantly tortured to give up his spamming ways.

When the victorious army left, the battlefield was strewn with mutilated bodies, survivors groaning and lying on the ground, the ravens of war circling above. As lone wolf gave a mournful howl, a dark figure rose weakly from the ground. Demus had survived, thirsty for revenge. For Jaza, for his Brother Mages ⦠It has begunâ¦

(~To be continued~)


Disclaimer: Any reference to people and their namesâ, real or fictitious is very very regrettable and unfortunate. All work was written by nichodemus though certain elements have been inspired by Armor Games, the fighting fantasy series and KOL (Kingdom of Loathing). Thank you. More will follow.