Oh my god! This is the greatest movie I have seen in my life! There is this guy named Indiana Jones, who is named after his dog! Which is pretty understandable. I had a rat named Whyoming Smith once. And he is abducted by this woman who kinda looks like a Russian Dominatrix! Not that I've been to many Russian Dominatrixes. Only 4. And he is out to solve the mystery of the Crystal Skull! He is always figuring out religious mysteries! In the first one it's Judaism, the second one is Hinduism, in the third one it is Christianity and in this one it is ALIENS! Which I think would be Scientology. I was almost a scientologist once! Except that they said I was to down the earth for them. So Indiana Jones comes out and he's like a bazillion years old! How is it he keeps getting older? Don't you remember the last movie The last Crusade? Or the second to Last Crusade? That guy was like "Drink this cup and it will give you eternal life" and "The wrong cup will suck the life from you". I think he took the wrong cup. Because something really sucked the life out of him! I mean he looks really bad. And the kid from transformers is in it. He is kinda like James Deen except that he has no balls. I mean it man, no balls. There is this scene where he is fighting with a sword and like a million things hit his balls. No reaction! If something hit my balls I think I would have a reaction. I'd be like "Dude, thats my balls". And the woman from the first movie is in it! Except that she is not like a bazillion years old. She is like.. Umm.. Half a bazillion years old. And they are off to fight the aliens. What is it with Spealburgs aliens? Close encounters, E.T, War of the Worlds, and now this. I think Steven Spealburg is an alien. What human being could possibly make the lost world? And the bad guys are kinda like Nazis except they are Russian. They are Russian Nazis. I like to call them Russies. So Indiana Jones is running from the Russies! And he gets out his whip to whip them. Seriously, who carries around a whip? I mean aside from Russian Dominatrixes. And they get to the kingdom of the crystal skull. Where they come across the ALIENS! And the Russian Dominatrixes is like "Tell me all your secrets" and the alien is like "Boo!" AHHHH! And the pyramid turns into a giant flying saucer! There is a giant flying saucer in an Indiana Jones movie! It's about freaking time! And the aliens are like "HMMMM!!" and the woman is like "AHHHH!!!" And the saucer is like "bovobovobovo" and I was like "Are you sure this isn't the Kingdom of the Crystal Myth"? Because I'm a myth, this is the kind of stuff I see. And then Indiana Jones is like "Where did they go?" and the other guy is like "The space between spaces" and I'm like "I think you are all on Crystal Myth". And at the end they play the famous Indiana Jones song! Indianaaaaa Jones is heeeere. He's been arouuuuund for like a million years. But the best part of the movie is when the big rolling ball comes after him! Wait, no that's not this movie. But he pulls the guys heart out of his chest. Wait, no that's not this one either. Where he is fighting on a big tank! No, no thats not it either. I don't remember much about this one. I just remember Indiana Jones, a Russian Dominatrix and aliens. I don' think I saw the movie! I think I must have gotten high instead. I mean who would actually put all of that stuff in a movie? I guess my advice is, watch Indiana Jones high and you will get a movie about aliens. That should be on the poster! -Indiana Jones, he got so high he saw aliens- Thats mostly what the scientologists do anyway. ...Hi.
