OH MY GOD! This is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life! There is this bear who wants to be a kung fu master. And I think he is the bear from those Panda Express restraunts. And so he climbs these stairs and enters this big Chinese place to become the KUNG FU PANDA. Pandas will do that. I had an artifact that took up tap-dancing... Until I ate him.
And there is a female tiger known as Tigris and there is a female snake knows as.. Snake! ..... What do you call a female snake anyway? Snakestress? Mrs. Snake? The b-boobies snake? And they also had a MONKEY! All great films as monkeys! Remember Chairman of the Boar? That had a monkey in it! ..Wait no, that was Caratop. Who I think is a monkey. And the person who does his voice is Jackie Chan! Jackie Chan plays a monkey! And he says great things like... Like..... *scratches head* I don't think the monkey talks is this movie. WHAT THE HELL! You give Jackie Chan to do voice and then he never talks? That's bullcrap! He can barley talk already! Why would you hire him as a voice?
And there is a turtle who turns into flowers. I mean it, he turns into flowers! What kind of a power is that? "Look out for the turtle! He's gonna make the world smell like petunias!" "Watch out! He might whiskey swain to an air freshener commercial!" So the panda is being taught by a mousey who looks like Binky and the Brains love childs. So the mousey is like "You're the dragon." and the panda is like "No dude, I'm a panda". Then the mousey is like "You're right. Piss off."
But then this gray tiger breaks out of prison. And he takes out like a million rhinoceroseseseses! So the grey tiger and the big panda are kung fu fighting! I swear to god I didn't smoke anything. And the panda grabs gray tigers pinky, and the tiger EXPLOOOODES! He actually explodes! More movies need exploding gray tigers! Shino's list would be so much better if it had an exploding gray tiger! Instead I explore the morality of inner spirituality of all mankind. What a ripoff!
So go see Kung Fu Panda. Although don't try to train a real panda to do kung fu. Th-they don't like that. They mostly hate you. The next time I'm going to Panda Express I am gonna get a helping of Kung Fu Panda. With an extra serving of HAAYAAAHH!!!!! Hi...
They gray tiger will DESTROY YOU if you make a mistake like that again! ARHGHGHGH!
Now that's ironic. Tai-Lung is a snow leopard!
I remember posting a huge drunken (yes, drunken) rant about it on here a while back, and getting into a pointless argument too...but yes, big fan here. It's a favorite not because I think it's the best film I've seen but because it's one that appeals to me.
THE GRAY TIGER WILL DESTROY YOU!... Destroy you... If you make that mistake again.... and he will destroy me if he makes a lame joke like this again... /lame joke
