ForumsArt, Music, and WritingA Mystery story!! Plzzz rate it..

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Roult
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Roult
30 posts
Nomad

MYSTERY STORY
Once there was a detective who was able to solve all the cases. His name was Jason and he had a assistant named Dave. One day he received a phone call from a lady named Miss Swarn who was in a big problem. She called him to her house.

Then she told him that she had a Uncle who opposed her literacy and was opposing literacy of girls. But Miss Swarn wanted to study and completed her studies completely and always had her rivalry with her uncle because of her opposition.

Then she told Jason about the main problem which was a mystery problem. She told that her Uncle was very rich and when he died he left his whole property in a will. Then DETECTIVE JASON tried his best to solve the case!!!

He checked the full room and got the complete analyses. Then when he entered their bedroom he found a envelope tied to a Drawer. But he found that nothing was written in that envelope. He only saw the signature of the two servants at the bottom. And after sometime he was able to see some characters written on the paper and told it to Miss Swarn and was sure that there could be second will also to confuse her!!!

Then he called everyone living in the house. But only there lived a couple of servants.. He asked them about the visiting of any people. They only said that nobody came instead of some workers!!!

Then Jason went to the location where the workers lived and asked them about what they had done which was said by the Uncle. They said that they had signed one will given to them by the Uncle. They said that their Uncle gave them one brick to cut a slight cavity!!

Then Jason went back to home examined the bricks of the home and found that one brick was slightly different from others!! He found the cavity and took out a piece of paper and found nothing on the paper...

Then he said to Dave that there is no meaning of finding the solution because it was a very difficult case.. He sat in the train. But when he was going his mind suddenly struck and said to Dave 'JUMP out of the train'.

He immediately went to the house and took the paper which he found in cavity and lit a candle under it!! He found some characters appearing and after sometime all the characters appeared!!!!! Then he found the conclusion that it was the second will...

Then he gave it to Miss Swarn and went back.............

When they were going Dave asked him that there was no meaning of the studies of Miss Swarn as she didn't solve the case.. Jason said that because of her studies only she was able to get the conclusion to contact a detective rather than sitting in confusion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Thanks for reading the story!! And plzz rate it....

If you have some more mystery Sories please write them here..


  • 38 Replies
Zanto_zsnes
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Zanto_zsnes
1,148 posts
Nomad

*cough.. cough..*

You try improving your story, it may attract more attention,
Fixing Typos, and try not to mess up the "Then" Starting Paragraph word, it is annoying & wrong.

Please try to use several words, that don't only consist in Then.
Like, He did or something else.

Thank you
~ZZ~

Zega
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Zega
6,921 posts
Peasant

So many thens... It gets irritating.

dudeguy45
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dudeguy45
2,920 posts
Peasant

My brain hurts....a lot.

Pazx
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Pazx
5,845 posts
Peasant

Use better English, longer words etc. It's a good story, but it isn't written well.

Also, the title of this thread sucks bad.

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

there isn't a lot of good sentence structure or flow either. . .work on that.

Pazx
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Pazx
5,845 posts
Peasant

Before you even THINK of writing a story ever again, learn to say 'Please'

...

phsycomonkey
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phsycomonkey
789 posts
Nomad

That's good!!!

Roult
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Roult
30 posts
Nomad

OK I will try to improve my other stories!!!

Roult
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Roult
30 posts
Nomad

Hello Guys!!

nichodemus
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nichodemus
14,987 posts
Grand Duke

Hello Guys!!


Erm what was that for?

The plot was rather okay...it could have been fleshed out even more. Try to wrap up every single character properly at the end.

And please do not use bolding and italics so frequently. It hurts our delicate eyes.
samdawghomie
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samdawghomie
3,551 posts
Peasant

Yeah, what nich said, please don't use bold and ittalics.
It makes it hard to read. Thanks.

Roult
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Roult
30 posts
Nomad

Ok I will not use BOLD letters!

Roult
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Roult
30 posts
Nomad

Do everyone of you know what is a will?

jorjor35
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jorjor35
456 posts
Nomad

That was a pretty good story. keep up the good work!

DDX
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DDX
3,562 posts
Nomad

his account has been banned. there should be no more posts here really.

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