I sat there mumbling to myself... my eyes adjusted to the dim coffee room setting. You could smell scent of extra black coffee being brewed around the corner. Fst6 was late... he never is late. As I glanced upon my watch, the stainless steel "DDX" face of the watch stared back at me. Suddenly, without warning, there was a loud boom, across the street, and Fst6 walked in calmly and sat down across from me.
"It's about damn time," I said
"Well, you've still got 9 chairs to go" He answered smartly
"Was the explosion your doing?"
Even though I knew the answer, I still had to make sure.
"yea, you like it?"
Success! I have my demolition man.
"The others will not be coming today,a s I have received word from tennisman24 that he is caught up in a little "trouble".
You'd think the grease man wold be "greasy" really. Tennisman24 however was far from it. Even though he gave off a cold feeling, from experience I knew he to be a warm guy. By the next morning I was alone again in the coffee shop, the other seats just empty. The first thing he did, was embrace me, sure it had been 5 long years since I last made contact with him, but the connection and exhilarating high you get from executing a white collar heist just makes you pretty much like brothers. Indeed quite the party, a grease man, a hacker, and a demolitions expert.
Yayay~ I post in Dan's thread! I read all the story, liked it, laughed at some bits and am now commenting. I've never seen Oceans Eleven.. or whatever... but I don't care cuz this story is much coolier. *waits for teh next segment*
Some old lady was yelling from behind the man at the door, something along the lines of young kids these days not moving when they're supposed to move.
I had to notice, you have a few moments like these where you kind of trail off to explain the area the story takes place in a bit too much. It's pretty well nice to be descriptive, but when there's something curious happening in the story, try not to stray off like that. =p
Other than that, the story is great. Keep it up, and i can't wait for the next writing.
Sorry MagiX, im not being... well mean. But a story is SUPPOSED to be descriptive.. Its better that DDX is adding more random descriptions and straying off the storyline slightly because it mixes up the whole thing. Its nice to have something little like that added in, because its also a bit of light humor.
It's alright, i know what you mean. But the reason why i brought up the point about straying away from the story is because up until that point i was focused on the plot of the story and the action that was going on, such as wondering who the mysterious person that walked in was, but when the story strayed for a bit, it kind of made me drop the enthusiasm that i had a minute before.
I'm not saying that it's bad to be descriptive, but it would help not to stray. All is fine though, and the story is great. =]
Agreeing a little with MagiX, mainly because it is a little off. A lot of description (though that was hardly "a lot" in one place, where the rest of the story is more focused about the plot/narrator/conversation seems a little off. Which means DDX should put in more description other places, or be less descriptive...
