Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Haiku Contest - Broken Bond (page 531, due: Feb 2)

Okay people! Here you are. I would have liked to have posted yesterday, but I was away from my computer ALL day! I'm aware that in my judging I made up a few words but if you don't know what they are, that's okay!

Here are the results for this round entitled 'The Thanksgiving Spirit. You will get my little 'opinion blurb' and then a point rating. You can get 4 points total for presentation, 4 points total for readability and 2 points total for grammar, punctuation, spelling and construction respectively. If you do well your haiku can total 16 points in all. One misspelling means you lose a point. Two misspelling means 0 points. Three misspellings means -1 points. The same idea applies with grammar, punctuation and construction. It DOES NOT apply to presentation or readability. Those are measured completely by my instincts.
The Special Awards: The Three Thankful Awards and the Allusion Award are judged by entirely by points. The system is different though. 2 total is the highest possible for all six categories. These are the haiku's that were good but didn't make it into the top 5.

Thankful Award: Bronze - rayoflight3
Oh my God! Thank God
that I have God to thank for
this Thanksgiving Day.

2 points for presentation - The idea of this haiku is beautiful. It is so creative to put the primary reason for thankfulness into a little verse like this. We always forget to stop and think why we are even alive today, so this haiku nailed its 2 points of presentation cleanly to the board.
2 points for readability - There are no glaring mistakes loud enough to make this a chore to read. Good job!
1 point for grammar - I won't criticize your usage of the appellate 'God' but I would like to point out how many times you used the word 'thank'. Thrice. If the word 'God' had been any other word you would have gotten 0 points for grammar. Smart save.
2 points for spelling - Every word has been spelled correctly without prejudice.
1 point for punctuation - There should be a comma between 'Oh' and 'my'. It's just like saying 'Hello, Merrill, how are you?'
1 point for construction - The first sentence marred this haiku somewhat with its sudden un-commaâd exclamation. If it is meant as an address to God then it should be followed by 'Thank you' but obviously that would have ruined the haiku irreparably. There is a shift where you seemingly address God and then go on to speak to someone else. When speaking to Duke you wouldn't say to his face 'Thank Duke I got my bike back'. You'd say 'Thank you, Duke, for getting my bike back'. The same rule applies.
9 points overall - Good work! Keep writing!

Thankful Award: Silver - Gantic
Thankful for merits
Or the pride that comes along?
--A change on the breeze.

2 points for presentation - This haiku is like a breath of fresh air with its utopian presentation. It reminds me of a dish so perfect I'd afraid to eat it.
2 points for readability- Another bulls eye! I didn't necessarily want a walk in the woods but I got one!
1 point for grammar - There's one little thing. 'A change on the breeze' isn't a complete sentence.
2 points for spelling - Once again, error free in this quarter.
2 points for punctuation - Everything is so clean we can eat off it.
2 points for construction - Everything measured out to the nearest 100th of an inch is also acceptable.
11 points overall - Good work!

Thankful Award: Gold - Ernie15
What is it we need?
Matters not, for what we have
Is what we live by.

2 points for presentation - Is a beautiful girl in a beautiful dress with a beautiful crown and beautiful shoes too much?
2 points for readability - We wanted to go down the creek, without a paddle. And we did.
2 points for grammar - Perfection is a must when you are a master of words.
2 points for spelling - Not one jot nor dot was marred. Good work!
2 points for punctuation - Commas, semi-colons, colons and all marks enjoy being treated right, period.
2 points for construction - The architect, the foreman and the workman worked together on this one.
12 points overall - Good job on a beautifully worded verse. In this world for every force there is an equal opposing force. For the worst haiku there is the best haiku. Even though this one doesn't exactly fit the theme and if it does it does so vaguely, it embodies the marriage of good looks, perfect grammar, punctuation, spelling and a stellar creation.

Allusion Award - Maverick4
Thanks and Curses
Once two brothers met;
Their diffences bent one
To serve the other.

1 point for presentation - The title doesn't connect well with the haiku. In other news, the idea of this haiku is grim, something we all need in our lives. It seems to speak of a deeper meaning hidden within the words, for which its 1 point of presentation is aptly earned.
2 points for readability - This haiku flows like a smooth, calm river. No complaints here.
2 points for grammar - The grammar is flawless, the mark of a true master of words.
1 point for spelling - Even if Grammar does boast a clean shirt, Spelling can't always make that claim. 'Differences' makes a difference unlike 'diffences'.
2 points for punctuation - Immaculate usage of semi-colons, commas, and the like, period.
2 points for construction - The construction only a superior writer would have chosen.
10 points overall - Good work.

5th Place - xXxDAPRO89xXx
The turkeys roasting
Their gentle yet great smells waft
Thanksgiving's essence

Thank you for your submission! It is greatly appreciated. It makes me hungry just reading it, with its powerful speech about turkey when it's roasting. I'd like to point a few things out however. In the first line 'turkeys' should be 'turkey's'. Remember, your sentence is actually, 'the turkey is roasting', so apostrophe 's' is necessary. It's still not correct though because you follow it with 'Their' in the next line. There's only one turkey so 'their' won't cut it. One last thing, there is a lack of punctuation in the first and third line. So, here's the lineup for this powerfully tasty but grammatically weak haiku.
4 points for presentation,
4 points for readability,
2 points for grammar,
2 points for spelling,
0 points for punctuation,
0 points for construction,
12 points overall.

4th Place - The_Gentlemen
Hands have been shaken.
The dinner is now ready.
Warmth of amity.

Your haiku tries to embody the spirit of Thanksgiving but it is somewhat vague. Hands have been shaken, but over what or for what reason? Not only that, 'warmth of amity' isn't a complete sentence. The ideas expressed here are all beautiful in their own right but forced together they seem out of place and don't get along well.
3 points for presentation,
2 points for readability,
2 points for grammar,
2 points for spelling,
2 points for punctuation ,
1 point for construction,
12 points overall.

3rd Place - GhostOfHorror
This Thanksgiving Day
our spirits are together
as our hearth is warmed.

While this is a very lovely, poignant idea rolled into a haiku it reeks of cliche-ness, in my opinion. It also has a clumsy quality to it if you read it through several times. In other news, you've managed to capture what most people think of when they hear the word 'Thanksgiving': spending time with family and friends. The only thing is that it's kind of hard to compare togetherness to a warm hearth. Just thought I'd throw that out there. It might have been better to say 'our spirits are together as our hearths are warmed' I'm assuming everyone doesn't share the same hearth. Good job though on an excellent haiku. Except for the slight clumsiness which affects readability and construction, you've stayed true to the 'Thanksgiving Spirit'.
4 points for presentation,
3 points for readability,
1 point for grammar,
1 point for construction,
2 points for punctuation
2 points for spelling
13 points overall.

2nd Place - Salvidian
I survived disease,
Hardship, war, every last pain,
To get one turkey...

While I enjoy the comedy here it doesn't embody the Thanksgiving Spirit as much as the others and that's why it's 2nd place. Explains a lot, doesn't it? It almost puts down the Thanksgiving Spirit as if all it's about is getting one turkey. Good work though, you've managed to create a grand haiku out of a trite matter. I can't complain about readability and your grammar, spelling, punctuation and construction are perfect.
2 points for presentation
4 points for readability
2 points for grammar
2 points for spelling
2 points for punctuation
2 points for construction
14 points overall.

1st Place - Nichodemus
Thanksgiving's essence
Infused in a splendid bird,
Floats down the gullet.

Congratulations. For a haiku it flows very well. All one sentence without short choppy sentences makes it a jewel among haiku's, or so I think. The spelling, construction, grammar and punctuation is perfect. Punctuation is important, even if it's a haiku. Using an icon, the turkey, that has come to symbolize Thanksgiving and everything we generally associate with the holiday as your subject you've created an elegant work of poetic art. Your choice of words also adds to the piece, like using essence instead of odor. That's why you've placed 1st in this Thanksgiving Spirit round.
4 points for presentation,
4 points for readability,
2 points for grammar,
2 points for punctuation,
2 points for construction,
2 points for spelling,
16 points overall.

There you have it! Good work everyone and good luck on the next round which Emperor will be taking over. I will fade peacefully into the back ground for a while but trust me, I'll be back! Thank you to everyone who participated.

Thanks for putting in so much effort to judge the haikus. However, I found it a bit odd that you used grammar and punctuation in the criteria. The omission of punctuation marks can be intentional, and fragments are acceptable, even in prose. I think overall flow should be given much greater precedence over grammar, unless there are egregious mistakes. Good job nonetheless.

Great judging, been a while since everyone got some critique on their haiku.
Congrats to nicho.

Anyhow; can't wait for the next theme.

Argh didn't make it in D= one of these days I will have a good haiku -_-â¢

Congrats to nich!

The NEW THEME is: Paradise of Ice (no meth references please). It will be due at 11:59pm AGtime on Dec 13.

I'd like to point a few things out however. In the first line 'turkeys' should be 'turkey's'. Remember, your sentence is actually, 'the turkey is roasting', so apostrophe 's' is necessary. It's still not correct though because you follow it with 'Their' in the next line.

One last thing, there is a lack of punctuation in the first and third line.

Punctuation? I thought poetry didn't require it... But okay i'll do it next time ;P
Thanks for judging though

New theme is meh, paradise of snow would've been more fitting for the time of year, but hey.
I'll try get something in.

Paradise of ice.
A parade never-ending.
The one icey life.

Hmm... I think i can do better. But thats my submission. BTW 500th post! Yippee!

Paradise in ice,
Like a frozen area of ice,
They live in ice now.

This is one of my best submissions.So let the best Armor Gamer win.

Like a frozen area of ice,

Paradise of ice
Its where I keep all my food
Refrigerator

Maybe a more serious one soon :P

Ok EmperorPalpatine i ment Like a cold area of ice

Cold air passes through...
Winter finally is here!
Paradise of ice!

Let me change that to :

Cold air passes through...
Winter finally is here:
Paradise of ice!