Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Haiku Contest - Broken Bond (page 531, due: Feb 2)

oh i thought vinster was having a conversation with himself lol the armatars were the same XD

Hopefully, this'll be okay...stupid word coding. If a Mod read this, please delete the upper comment.
Judging time!

The disillusion award: Moonfairy

He left me alone
With my tears flowing freely
Haven't cried since then

That's quite a nice entry Moon; it feels like it comes from deep within you. It's a good use of the theme and it shows how hurtful it can be to love, and how it can change a person. Touching.

The chrysalis award: Avorne

a better life waits
unseen and without sorrow
I shed my dark past

The use of the word shed is actually pretty rich stylistically speaking, especially in this case. This shows how change can affect an individual in a beneficial way.

The esoteric explorer award: samdawghomie

I close my eyes shut
Places seen by no man waits
A world of wonder

I like how this Haiku's very esoteric while liberty still emanates from it. It makes me think of how traditional meditation's described in Hesse's books. Very spiritual.

The vindictive wife award: Thepossum

You are leaving me
For that skanky prostitute
Maybe I'll kill you

''Thepossumness'' to its full extent. This is one departure I'd remember for sure. The flow's pretty good, and the Haiku's very clear. Kudos for talking about prostitution and murder as poetically...I guess...

The first steps award: Teeheegirl123

A young bird's first flight
A graceful streak of freedom
Fading in sunlight

Every beginning is an end, and vice-versa. Very good entry this time Teehee, I like the stylistic work on that Haiku.

The April's fool *bad* joke award: Aknerd

You smile, jumping.
I smile because I took
your parachute. Bye!

That's a gruesome prank to pull! Well, you get a point for the humor, but phonetically speaking, the flow could've been smoother. Punctuation in something as small as a haiku can ruin its poetic impact, sadly. Good entry still; I lolled.

The sky IS the limit award: EnterOrion

Exit from the sky
Blazing into the heavens
Exploding mid flight

That's a great use of the theme Enter. That's one 73 seconds we'll never forget...I appreciate how each line is distinctive and help to create an evolution, or a crescendo if you prefer, until the final step of the progression, which is the explosion and the death of seven astronauts. There were actually eight departures on Challenger's tenth mission.

The ''God that sounds like a Beatles song'' award: 1337Player

I'm leaving yeah yeah,
Never coming back again
I got to go home

Well...I can't really come up with anything more than what the award says...I don't know what or who you're leaving, but I can't think of anything else than the Beatles when I read it. Put aside that, it shows a real desire to leave; a need to come home, nice.

The wrong syllable count award: Lupinestorm

My ascension now
On ethereal wings so pure
Departure for me.

Nice entry, I think that it's an emollient way to talk about death, it makes it look very serene...I guess it's how actual death must be though...In any case, try to get the syllable count right next time, because that could've been a ranking Haiku.

The funeral discourse award: Dudeguy45

He's gone from us now
he was a friend and colleague
goodbye orion

That's a very simple yet very nice Haiku. It sounds as if he's dead, I guess it reflects how incredibly appreciated he was. Good Job.

The ''Duh!'' award: Vinster132

Orion's leaving.
Even though he was a judge.
He is still awesome.

Of course Enter's awesome; talk about stating the obvious. I hope I do as good as a job he did. Now seriously, that's a good submission, and it cheers me up to see that we can have a community as friendly and dependable as Ag's one, especially in the Maw section. The separation of each line in its own sentence got me confused about what you meant though. I had to take them up individually and it broke up the Haiku's flow.

The Ouroboros award: Wolf1991

Beginnings are such
Delicate things. In which we
Must leave what we love.

The award says it all. I have some problems with the flow (it's not very clear how you wanted it to be punctuated), but the Haiku's intrinsic meaning makes up for that little break. Very good submission, I'll be waiting for more of these.

The ''love hurts'' award: Samy

You leave me again
Our life together wasted;
My amour worthless.

Again? Hmmm...sounds like someone's been having it rough. In any case, it's a deep Haiku in terms of personal experience, and it really seems like to one who's been left is affected by that departure. It reaches out to make us feel your anguish, touching.

Well now it's ranking time, and it's been though! A lot of good submissions this time, you didn't make it easy for my first judging! Now if I did anything wrong, you can always contact me on my profile and I'll try to explain why the ranks are that way, but I think I'll try to make it clear enough here^^.

Plastic: samdawghomie

I close my eyes shut
Places seen by no man waits
A world of wonder

The journey to self discovery is a long one, and it has awarded you a place in the top five! It's a pretty good attempt at doing something out of the box, and I like that kind of implicit writing.

Bronze: Dudeguy45

He's gone from us now
he was a friend and colleague
goodbye orion

It's a very sober Haiku, but it's the reason why it's so touching. You can feel the sadness and the anguish, almost visceral, as if Enter was dead and this was a funeral. It's the sound of quiet, resigned acceptance, and I like it. You liked Enter's judging very much huh?

Silver: wolf1991

Beginnings are such
Delicate things. In which we
Must leave what we love.

Even though the rhythm was a little off, the ambiguity inherent to the Haiku (The actual meaning is not blatantly obvious; implicit message) makes it quite a formidable entry. I'm eager to see more from you. Really, what killed it was the flow.

Gold: EnterOrion

Exit from the sky
Blazing into the heavens
Exploding mid flight

It's hard since I think you deserved that merit too, but I can't award two of them, so I guess I'll have to bear that grudge...In any case, it's a very good submission. It's only that TeeHee's one felt more vibrant. It was in fact the inverse structure that charmed me; you made a crescendo like Haiku, while hers was more of a decrescendo.

Platinum and merit winner: Teeheegirl123

A young bird's first flight
A graceful streak of freedom
Fading in sunlight

As aforementioned, your Haiku feels very vibrant while being quaint at the same time; the actual conciliation of these two created a magnificent imagery; yes, Iâm an Hesse fan. Go give work to a Mod, you deserve it.

Honorable Award: MoonFairy

He left me alone
With my tears flowing freely
Haven't cried since then

This one was really heartfelt, and it saddened me to leave it out of the ranking since it fought really hard for fifth place. It was a touching Haiku, and I think it deserved a mention too. Congratulation!

Well everyone, that's about it for this week. Sorry for those not judged or not ranked, don't feel bad about yourself, the competition was really something. As for next the next theme, it's going to be Anguish. Please tell me if you know it has already been used, I don't feel like strolling more than 100 pages
Good luck to everyone!
-Fallen

Well done, everyone - and A well deserved first place. I'd like to submit my Haiku for next week while I'm here.

My broken heart weeps
a venomous gaping wound
Alone and anguished

oh i thought vinster was having a conversation with himself lol the armatars were the same XD

Of course Enter's awesome; talk about stating the obvious. I hope I do as good as a job he did. Now seriously, that's a good submission, and it cheers me up to see that we can have a community as friendly and dependable as Ag's one, especially in the Maw section. The separation of each line in its own sentence got me confused about what you meant though. I had to take them up individually and it broke up the Haiku's flow.

*mumbles in discontent*

. . . I hate second.

Now, my haiku.

Infernal demons
Battle to destroy my mind
I'll never give in

Not nearly as good as the last one, but hey, early entry. I might make a better one.

Don't feel bad about second enter, like I said, it was utterly hard to decide wheter to give you or teehee the Merit.
And to Vinster, I'm very sorry if I sounded offensive, it wasn't my goal at all; it was just intended to be funny^^. I won't change my critic though, the flow was what dragged it down but it was still a pretty good and cheerful entry.
And Avorne, yours was very good, but since you won last round, I wanted to give everyone else a chance to rank too.
Now create for me, mwuahahaha...

I understand Fallen, As I said earlier in the thread - I realized that I couldn't win but still wanted to contribute. Anyway, I thought that the winner was very deserving and I know I couldn't have written a better Haiku about that theme.

Don't feel bad about second enter, like I said, it was utterly hard to decide wheter to give you or teehee the Merit.

"If you aren't first, you're last."

Whoever gets the reference gets a cookie.

*gives cookie*

There you go, enjoy. It's chocolate chip.

Oh horrible me
Why must I lack what I need
Deadline tomorrow

Exams are excruciating painful.

And to Vinster, I'm very sorry if I sounded offensive, it wasn't my goal at all; it was just intended to be funny^^. I won't change my critic though, the flow was what dragged it down but it was still a pretty good and cheerful entry

Oh yeah, my haiku:

Pain and suffering
Oh my gosh that hurts me bad
Yet I'm still living

XD And again, just to tell ya, I'm not really good at this. But I like making shots. =D

To whom shall I tell
My sorrow? That which drownns me,
And yet, brings me hope.

Pain and suffering
Oh my gosh that hurts me bad
Yet I'm still living