Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Haiku Contest - Broken Bond (page 531, due: Feb 2)
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A Haiku is a Japanese lyric verse form having three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables, traditionally invoking an aspect of nature or the seasons.
Well, that said, heres the rules:
1) The Haiku must be original (no plagarizing)!
2) It must fit the weeks theme
3) It must be submitted before the deadline
4) It must be submitted for the contest (no using works previously written)
5) One Submission per user
6) The Same User cannot win twice in a row (but there welcome to submit!)
Hopefully oneday the winner could get a merit...
The Deadline will always be a Wednsday, so the deadline for the first theme will be Wednsday, September 2. The theme is The Pond
(special thanks to 'thisisnotanalt'
- 5,299 Replies
I'm getting on the second part of judging now, it should be done shortly seeing how I did a crapload of work yesterday ^^.
It's done! Finally! Now let me enjoy my vacation...
The patriotism award; freakenstein
This place is OUR land;
Heavy is all our spirits,
Dim is your success.
Good god...after I had spent ten minutes of expressing myself on how ''our'' was only one syllable, I find out that you made a correct submission some pages later...Well, later judging for you people! Thank Freak for that mwuaha!...Regarding the Haiku's quality, I must say it is quite good. It reflects the measureless patriotism wielded by some nation's poeple; one that is bound to break down any barrier for the good of the ''greater number''; utilitarianism for dummy! Even though I don't believe the Usa to be the ''land of freedom'' it claims to be, I can see how this haiku relates to it or at least to something that claims to bear its own downright freedom...
The boy of the 101 award; Saving123
The sunlight burns my eyes
My shackles hang loosely off
My wrist. I am free.
Useless to tell you which game has driven my free times these days, hrm!...hrm!...Okay, this Haiku is a great submission for such a topic; it is vibrant and lively and I appreciate how you made the moment of contemplation lingers before finishing with a light and liberating ''I am free''. Very good use of punctuation, great flow and rhythm, thanks a lot for that one.
The war never dies award; MRWalker82
Cry "Freedom" and fight
Break free from the oppression
Take back what is yours
Every man is born free, but is shackled at the very moment of its birth; you have to fuel the eternal flames of conflict and earn yourself a place in this world if you ever wish to be free. That...is what your haiku inspires me. I'm certainly not one to decide whether it is true or not, but it is an accurate representation of mankind and its oppression upon itself. Nice job.
The freedom fighter award; savingthedream14
Hot here in Kuwait
I will tell you why I stay
I Fight for freedom.
Ah yes, history put together with poetry; that way we can feel the weight of countless struggles and generations on our backs, not to mention the blood we can almost smell on our hands when reading that...Man is prone to kill for naught; talking animals... Well that's a good submission, thanks.
The harder the spoon, the further the dig award; thepossum
Behind prison bars,
I have no hope for escape,
My spoon digs the hole
The good old ''dig a tunnel'' escape...Worked better when the cells were made on beaten ground; hurray for the far west! I just love how you made us all pay extreme attention on the spoon by specifying it was ''yours''...Good job at making us laugh. In any case, it's a good haiku, and it really depicts the despair and anguish of restless prisoners.
The ''Fair politics is a paradox'' award; Quina
I fail to be free
From the democracy here
Is it fair we ask?
Never can we be free unless we abolish these systems we made. Humankind is funny in the way it puts itself into submission to claim freedom...The right to decide is not freedom...It's all the contrary...good job.
The ''freedom is a candy'' award; HahiHa
Taste of gone freedom
Oh so sweet and appealing
But I can't leave now
Yes, freedom is often a double edged sword. However sweet it seems, it's an illusion most of the time but we'll talk about that some other time...I like how you picture freedom as ''something good that however isn't always the right choice''. It's a good pîece of work.
The ''refusal of bearing your serial code number'' award; dudeguy45
I don't want to be
a voiceless statistic, no
or a prison b****
We long for what seems to be freedom, and we would do anything to avoid such a fate as being a mere number or a prisonner; such is the destiny of the organic machine that is man. That was one straight to the point haiku. I have some problem with the second line's punctuation though, it messes the flow of the haiku a little bit. Good work nonetheless.
The non-skippy award; alexstargazer
Freedom can be good
But not in the hands of a
Heartless kangaroo
I don't know what to make of this, and I simply can't imagine how a kangaroo could turn evil; where are you skippy! The flow's okay, the rhythm too but...Well it certainly is quite random.
The effortless award; Crouchbite
Waffle waffle pie
Waffle waffle waffle pie
waffle waffle pie
I have absolutely nothing constructive to say about that...In fact it's in the judging as laughstock, enjoy...
The great escape award; Ernie15
Break out of the chains
Rush towards the distant light
Strife has disappeared
I can hear tales of miraculous evasions, stories of magnificent escape right here when reading that haiku. It really is a great submission, and I like how you pictured the passing from captivity to freedom by a tunneling light, as if it was the death of a life for the birth of another.
The ''don't talk to strangers'' award; tomertheking
Whatever you want
You can get without stangers
Dictating your life
The only thing I'd have to say about that pretty good entry's that the lack of punctuation makes it hard to follow. Of course we understand what you mean but as a Haiku, it should sound more natural and flow like water; it must be simple and understandable, as clear as wind and water. The topic is good though, and the haiku fits the theme, kudos.
The incomplete - or Harry Haller - award; Wolf1991
Give this man a soul.
He is yet whole. Only the
Wings of word free him.
Yet another remarkable piece of litterature by wolf; this is incredible. I've known troubled people as such; persons who could only escape the blankness of their pawn life when reading or writting. We're all like this...Imagination will always be the only door to freedom whenever we're kept away from it...Splendid job this week Wolf!
The Verne will kill you award; Aknerd
The last compass crushed
The directions discarded
I name a new north
I like the goegraphy side you've given to the theme; it broadens the horizon of an already pretty large concept. Being free to choose whichever direction'll be your own north is a concrete reprensentation of freedom and the use of the powers pertaining to it. Nice job again Aknerd!
The semantic award; obould
All can be given
But nothing can be received
There is no freedom
By admitting that you can't receive anything, you present us a world where everyone's bound to give whatever it is that makes them who they are to the others so they can learn. You can never teach, or even learn in someone's stead, thus you're never free from the shackles of your own reasonning. The freedom of not thinking isn't affordable for us humans. Do you believe in such a concept as freedom? I for one am not sure humankind can ever attain pristine freedom. Nice haiku, it gave me quite a good thinking, maybe fairly much than it actually should have. That's for you to tell me.
The wrong syllable count award; DrPepperRain
Run free in the wind
You are no longer bound to hate
Breathe in the fresh air
Second line has 8 syllables...oh well, I can still comment it I guess. It's good; simple yet moving and somehow very soothing. I like how you made man reunite with nature in such a fresh and energic way. Good job.
The saintbark award; Zoark
towering above
non-conformist deities
envy the freedom
Technically speaking this is a very well made haiku seeing how it relates to nature. The structure is perfect and the theme is bent with a natural touch, which makes it look all the more grand and impressive. Great work.
The ''Skittles taste like freedom'' award; member565
It is peaceful now
Grey has turned into colours
Freedom is living
Reminds me of the essay I wrote some time ago. I can clearly picture a bureaucrat taking his tie off and walking out of his grey office into a vividly colored world; into freedom. The problem with freedom is that it doesn't pay much...Anyways! Good entry, I'm glad you chose that one, it's a nice haiku.
The ''run to the hills'' award; tuxedopenguin
Our shackles broken
Running, sweat into our wounds
Stinging, but home free
Well, we've had plenty of entries about escaping, but that one is different, both in its punctuation and meaning. I personnaly like the way you mark a pause after the first word of the second and third line; it gives a moment to appreciate the emotion contained in these single words and it paves the way to the rest of the sentence. As for the rest, I'm glad someone actually depicted a painful escape, as if the runners had endured struggles and skirmishes that left them barely able to run for freedom. Nice job on that haiku.
The ''It always taste better when it's free'' award; DrElmer
A new air is born
Long-awaited liberty
Shines its lovely face
I wonder if you meant ''era'' rather than ''air''...because that sounds a little awkward but well...In any case, I get the emotion of your haiku fairly well, so good going. The structure is pretty good and the flow's enjoyable so congrats on that one.
The ''I believe I can fly'' award; halogunner
my tattered wings spread
i fly off towards the sun
in search of freedom
I have some problems with the flow of this haiku, but it's still a remarkable entry. It's made in such a way that emphasis is put on both the first and second line, whereas it should be put mostly on the second. Simply put; even though the first line has less syllables, it seems as long as the second one. The use of accurate capitalisation would have helped too. Nontheless, the theme is very well used and it remains a good haiku in essence.
The Wind rider award; Keonyama96
Gliding in the wind
Soar, Fly be free as a Bird
Claim the Freedom Yours
It's a very good haiku, but I don't get why it created such a fuss. The vocabulary is well chosen but not well placed: the rhythm is completely off at the start of the second line. Isolating a word with a comma to emphasize it means you have to let go the rest of the line in a fluent and unstressed fashion but here you use the verb ''be'' right after another verb: fly. It cuts the flow of the line and create a tense and stressed sentence. The rest though is marvelous, and the choice of topic and the use of the theme is very well made, good job.
The ''Casual artist'' award; teeheegirl123
Words I cannot speak
Dance across unmarked pages
Released from my mind
Art is without a doubt one of the easiest and most effient way to pretend to freedom. Freedom's also the art of divagations and thoughts, of words upon sheets or of notes upon lines. We can give life to freedom without having to be free; we can travel without moving; we can die while being alive. Although it is less of a traditionnal haiku, I find it very good, thank you.
The first steps award; samdawghomie
Just a baby bird
Falling down, learning to fly
Freedom from the nest
I can really feel the hardship of the poor chick learning to fly until is isn't home bound anymore. We all must learn to fly someday!
The ''Bstrd changed his entry'' award; Avorne!!
A tentative step
The first of millions to come
A free path awaits
Yeah, I spent quite a deal of time commenting that other entry, and I find out you made another one!! Oh well...It's okay though since I prefer that one. It's really amazing how you pictured man's freedom of choice. We have the power to take a step in any direction we want, and whatever will be said about humans, an individual is the only person to choose how to live his life. Great work Av.
The irony award; EnterOrion
Peace and destruction
The inevitable comes
To preserve our lives
I get the feel you're talking about war here, but I'm not sure. To me, it seems like you're saying that peace can only be achieved through violence - which is not necessarily false - and that war, and thus killing, is the only way to preserve life and freedom. If I'm wrong, I'll tolerate any venting on my profile though. In any case, good job with your haiku Enter; although it is not clear and obvious, I like it when something can give me a little brain tease.
The don't look back award; snipershot325
Take a step foward
Do not look back,trust me your..
Going to be free..
I take it that you meant ''you're''. Anyhow, I have some problems with the rhythm of the haiku, especially the second line. A comma in the middle of a line that's linked with another one is a little offbeat. Still, it's a good effort, and I commend you for having tried because it's a nice entry.
Now the Winner. Only one this time around because I took plenty of time commenting everyone's entry. There were plenty of awesome entries this time around, and since I won't make rankers I just want to mention some submissions that nearly got the first place: Wolf's one, Teehee's one, Halogunner's one and Zoark's one were all remarkable entry, but sadly for you all, this round's winner is Avorne!
A tentative step
The first of millions to come
A free path awaits
It's how you depicted freedom as an everlasting choice that made me choose your haiku over the others. I like how you haiku implicates that life is a serie of experiences that weMre free or not to make; we're are the masters of our own destinies, isn't it the most pristine freedom a man can attain; The freedom of choice?
Now, go claim your merit, and don't think you've won that because you're a fellow judge...I'm the most impartial person around okay!
The next week's theme is Aging
Oh, and sorry for the lousy grammar when nearing the post's end, it's two in the morn, I have a cold and I'm craving my bed...
Dang! I thought I had that one! *Cries* Aging huh...*Starts thinking*
OK...how about...
My voice grows deeper.
I have hair in weird places.
Is this puberty?
BTW, this is subject to change in the next 4 days, depending on general opinion.
Aging... why, I rather like this theme. I shall ponder away instead of just posting the first thing that comes to mind.
I have several ideas running around now... I might go all out on this one.
I liked Avorne's and Wolf's best from the last theme. Along with half a dozen other ones... Judging must have been terribly hard. I don't know how you do it.*
Oh, and Crouchbite's reminded me of that Winnie the Pooh song, Cottleson Pie.
*besides slowly, of course. Ha. But seriously, you did a really good job.
Thank you very much Fallen for the Merit and for putting that much time and effort into judging and well done everyone else - that was an awesome round. Fallen, it's my turn to judge now - right? Would you like me to get a mod to change the title or are you doing it?
fallen is asleep somewhere poor guy. Thanks for being a great judge. I would like to cojudge sometime if that were poseible. Anywaysvoff to school. Sorry for typos.
No-one wants to comment on my Haiku? C'mon people I need suggestions!
*Opens his eyes fastidiously*
Oh..hello guys...
I'll get a mod to *Yawn* change theme, thanks Avorne.
And yes, choosing a winner was awfully hard, actually it was the hardest judging I've done yet.
I thank you for your congratulations and would like to remind Fallen that since I'm judging I expect an entry from Fallen. I'd also like to give Fallen a cup of coffee while I'm here.
a cup of coffee
That's what I'm talking about; no sugar, no milk, no cream...Just a good old cup of black coffee.
And wolf...You deserved that merit too, and it's quite saddening that I can't give two of them...I really should've made ranking positions but I was tired enough back then, I'm sorry.
Nonetheless, it was really tied up.
Okay. First off congrats to Avorne for winning the merit.
And second, since I'm back I'll be making more haikus for this contest. Aging.
I am getting old
My beating heart is slowing
I'm waiting for death.
Thread is locked!