Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Haiku Contest - Broken Bond (page 531, due: Feb 2)
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A Haiku is a Japanese lyric verse form having three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables, traditionally invoking an aspect of nature or the seasons.
Well, that said, heres the rules:
1) The Haiku must be original (no plagarizing)!
2) It must fit the weeks theme
3) It must be submitted before the deadline
4) It must be submitted for the contest (no using works previously written)
5) One Submission per user
6) The Same User cannot win twice in a row (but there welcome to submit!)
Hopefully oneday the winner could get a merit...
The Deadline will always be a Wednsday, so the deadline for the first theme will be Wednsday, September 2. The theme is The Pond
(special thanks to 'thisisnotanalt'
- 5,299 Replies
Despondent absence,
Friends try to bring you some light.
Get away from me!
leave me and my speling alon plese
At least spell right when saying that. xD Lol, kidding.
Don't tell me I'm emergency judge again. Wednesday if Ernie doesn't pop up.
uhhh!! i hate people not sticking to deadlines
Deadlines are harder when you're a judge. D:
KnockoutSloth, you've given me an idea...
The next theme is Pressure, and the deadline is Saturday, April 24.
Darkness round is closed, and I will try and judge it tomorrow when I'm not uncharacteristically exhausted.
Crushing pressure kills me
Snuffing my very life out
May as well die now
I let the air out
Lungs constricted, can't get more
I writhe in the pain
Crushing pressure kills me
That would be 6 syllables, if I'm not mistaken.
Judging is happening right now. A team of highly trained Ernies are commensing in the judging process.
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Wow, this was a long round! I counted 25 entries. That must be some kind of record!
As usual, I will start out with the "everybody gets one" award, which, unfortunately, doesn't necessarily mean you've accomplished something, but it gives me an excuse to mention you.
The Shadow-Phobia Award - samdawghomie
I hate it dearly
It follows me everywhere
It.... It is darkness
All I could think of when I was reading this poem was that the person telling the story is afraid of his own shadow. Is this true, or am I misinterpreting this completely?
The Unnecessary Command Award - samy
The black holds me close
Frightening but expected
View Reaper's shadow
The first two lines seemed normal enough, but the last line looked like you just slipped a command in there for no apparent reason. Reminded me a bit of "All Your Base Are Belong to Us". xD
The False Suspense Award - Freakenstein
Deep within the void,
When skies and waters choked black,
Revelation's nigh.
Those first two lines appeared as if they would lead into a strong conclusion, but for some reason, the last line just seemed rather weak, and it killed the suspenseful feeling of this poem.
The "Eight Ain't Great" Award - hypoxia
Endless black velvet
Epipihany of the hidden
imperceptible
Interesting take on darkness, but that second line has eight syllables.
The "Not Enough Space" Award - Teeheegirl123
Eternal silence
No one can save you from the
Everlasting night
This would have flowed much better if you didn't end the second line with "the".
The PS2 Award - Thyll
Peer into the void
Nothing exists in our world
At last, I find peace
Remember the old PS2 slogan, "Live in your world, play in ours"? That's the first thing that came to mind here.
The Overly-Punctuated Award - aknerd
Wind, and a flame blown;
the light leaves: just us and night
Alone, you and I.
Personally, I thought this would've flowed better without any punctuation at all. It's all those little doodads and whatnot that seemed to make this poem just a little bit too....robotic.
The Dyslexia Award - kacboy
The darkness Charlie!
It will devour your soul!
Charlie, the darkness!
Switching around the words in the first line to make the third line will not win you this contest.
On a side note, the "Dyslexia Award" may pop up in multiple rounds, due to this being a somewhat common theme...
The Cannibalism Award - Krizaz
The darkness takes me
I get chewed up, and spit out
I guess I'm too light
Cannibalism was the first thing I thought of here. Darkness only eats darkness? I would actually disagree with that and say that it only eats light.
The Captain Obvious Award - MrAutomatic
Who turned out the lights?
Now I can't see anything.
Where did the light go?
This entry was just so ridiculously obvious that I decided I would respond to it with another haiku:
You can't see a thing
Because I turned off the lights
Now the light is gone
Does that answer your queries?
The "Rushed Last Line" Award - FloydTC
dark shallow abyss
who knows what could reside there?
mystery to us
That last line didn't seem to flow with the rest of the poem. It looks like you just stuck it in there to make it a complete haiku. I would've liked it better without the last line, but then it wouldn't be a haiku. I see your logic, but maybe next time, put more effort into your last line.
The Apparition Award - Armpit
Blind obscenity
Comes and whispers in my ear,
"You are not alone".
Reminded me of one of those old horror films about haunted houses. Flowed very nicely. Well done!
The "Repeat and Rephrase" Award - TacoNinja27
Darkness, no light shines
There is nothing in the void
No light can be seen
You didn't really say much in this poem. You just repeated and rephrased the same line over and over.
The "Get Glasses" Award - adios194
Why can I not see?
Can this be due to my eyes?
This is my new world!
It seems like the person speaking here is rather excited to be blind. Only in the last line, though, which means this poem experiences a dramatic mood change. Sadly, dramatic mood changes don't normally win haiku contests.
The Sudden-Realization Award - Ernie15
It's so dark in here
Very dark in here, it is
Oh wait, I'm the judge
Hey, this is my poem! How'd this get in here? I assume nobody is reading this because I'm writing it about my own poem, and nobody has much reason to look at that, now do they?
The Possesive Award - EnterOrion
Darkness looms ahead
It's threatening message heard
I guess this is it
This flowed quite nicely. However, I did read it wrong the first time because I read it as "it is threatening message" due to the misuse of the word "its". Sometimes, grammar can play a huge role in poetry.
The Other Possessive Award - DDX
Abyss looms it's jaws
Warm sensation on my legs
Follows when I hide
Not a bad poem, but it wasn't one of my favorites to be honest. It was a good description of a beast with open jaws, but it didn't really feel like it was the best personification for darkness. You also made the same mistake as Orion did, which looks to me like it's becoming a pattern here.
The Status Report Award - chitown
Darkness, black abyss
There is no light to be found
monsters lurking here.
All I could picture when reading this was some guy with one of those mining hats with lights on them writing down in his journal about what he saw--or didn't see--deep in a cave. The last line seemed to kill the mood of the poem for some reason. It stopped the flow of the poem as well.
The "Final Point" Award - 2014631
Darkness surrounds me.
It sucks me into it's trap.
Darkness is deadly.
This seemed to have an "oh, and by the way..." feel to it at the end. Saying how it was deadly just didn't feel right to be put right smack at the end of a poem. It killed the suspense.
The Implied Award - beastahayes
A room of darkness
holding all souls that seep in
The darkness awaits
It seems like the content of the last line was implied in the other two lines, and didn't really need to be stated.
The Speechlessness of Neutrality Award - MoonFairy
Darkness is in me
Filling my soul with hatred
Will it ever leave?
Flowed quite well. Not much else I can say about this one.
The Red Light District Award - Parsat
Passing autumn days
Must also fall to darkness:
Lighting red lanterns
Every day falls into darkness. It's called "night". But this one had a good flow to it, and red darkness, although not completely darkness, is an original take on the theme.
The 15 Seconds of Fame Award - dudeguy45
it scares my sister
its perfect for murderers
bye bye sun, hi night
Be honest with me, did this take more than 15 seconds to think up?
The Slot Machine Award - XVERB
no light was let in
i did not move a mussel
i can't see in the darkness
In a tide pool zone, it is against the rules to move a mussel. I came up with the award name because the last two lines are both 7 syllables, and it reminded me of a slot machine with the "BAR" and the double 7's. Unfortunately, double 7's don't win you a haiku contest, as a haiku syllable scheme is 5-7-5.
The Ungrateful Award - yielee
Despondent absence,
Friends try to bring you some light.
Get away from me!
If you're stuck in the darkness, why would you refuse light from your friends?
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Now, for the placement awards. This meant I really liked your poem.
5th Place - MoonFairy
Darkness is in me
Filling my soul with hatred
Will it ever leave?
Like I said before, this poem flowed very nicely. Like I also said before, there isn't much more I can say about this poem, which isn't necessarily a good thing nor is it a bad thing.
4th Place - Parsat
Passing autumn days
Must also fall to darkness:
Lighting red lanterns
Interesting personification of autumn. It wasn't my absolute favorite, but it was still better than most of the others.
3rd Place - Thyll
Peer into the void
Nothing exists in our world
At last, I find peace
Very mysterious and futuristic. Not a bad flow, either. However, there are still two I liked better.
2nd Place - EnterOrion
Darkness looms ahead
It's threatening message heard
I guess this is it
I loved this one for some reason. Made it seem like darkness was an apocalypse. Almost my favorite of the entries, but there was still one more that stood out above the rest.
1st Place - Armpit!
Blind obscenity
Comes and whispers in my ear,
"You are not alone".
This had the best personification out of any of these poems, in my opinion. I actually felt like the darkness was whispering that last line! That's how convincing it was to me! It flowed nicely, too, and the first line was very well-described. Again, Armpit takes home the gold....or platinum; whatever first place is.
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Well, that's it. There's the long and arduous judging for that round. 25 entries! Can you believe it folks? 25! I know that has to be a record.
Happy haikuing to all and to all a good night!
Thread is locked!