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TSL3_needed
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TSL3_needed
5,579 posts
Nomad

I can write some poems in 5 minutes, so I'll make this thread as my other thread (I'm kinda preoccupied with The Apocalypse at the moment).

It'll contain my poems and short stories, but no series's or anything of that nature until I decide to end The Apocalypse (A long time from now).

My first poem, which is rather my creative outlet in the World Events section. Not a literal poem, but fun to read

Trolls knocking on my door,
Knocks me straight to the floor.
All respect for sanity,
Gone for loads of vanity.

In the blood of murder tree,
All call down to torture me.
Once the mind has warped its' tricks,
I hear far to many clicks.

Once I thought I was alone,
Now I know many moan.
Once I knew only World Events,
Now I trade in simple repentance.

Once my mind travels many planes,
I know far to many fames.
Into the void my blood rages,
To all the trolls must be purges.

My insanity palpable,
My ego is quite fallible.
My life knows no bounds,
All the targeting on poor grounds.

I see blood take my brain,
As the trolls drive me insane.
I always went to the world,
Now I lay blind and curled.

In my conscious I hear the groans,
As they shape me with a comb.
They make me go outta control,
All for a pathetic lol.

As I lay blind and buried,
I scream with all my fury.
My wrath sees no bounds,
As you hear your last sounds.

I break you,
Burn you,
You fake me,
I kill you.

As I drive you with plight,
I cut out all your sight.
I slice the word spitter,
And with it litter.

You have gone enough,
I am now tough.
As you fear me,
I shatter your knee.

In the end you see nothing,
And I become something.
All will see my wrath,
As you travel down the dark path.

I'll come out with more later.

  • 19 Replies
TSL3_needed
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TSL3_needed
5,579 posts
Nomad

Fire in the Sky

Looking into the night sky,
A shuttle learns to fly.
This is not a first,
But it'll sure as hell burst.

The plan is smooth,
Down to the tooth.
It'll do the job,
Without a sob.

Up it goes,
'Til it blows.
On the sky a field burns,
In the water steam churns.

Down it flew,
But everyone knew.
None were there,
None was fair.

Not really sure if I left it complete or not. Tell me what ya think.

*Yawns*

*Goes to bed*

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,821 posts
Shepherd

Worst troll evar up there ^^^^^^^^^^^^

Anyway, these aren't bad. Although, your meter may need some work - the verbal reading of the poems feels slightly off in places. Also, the syllable counts are skewed a bit sometimes - the wording and ideas are great, but the rhythm fails to establish a distinct flow in most cases. You have the heart and soul, but not the lungs, if you get my analogy.

TSL3_needed
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TSL3_needed
5,579 posts
Nomad

Worst troll evar up there ^^^^^^^^^^^^


Stop acknowledging him and he'll eventually go away -.-

Anyway, these aren't bad. Although, your meter may need some work - the verbal reading of the poems feels slightly off in places. Also, the syllable counts are skewed a bit sometimes - the wording and ideas are great, but the rhythm fails to establish a distinct flow in most cases. You have the heart and soul, but not the lungs, if you get my analogy.


Thank you. I'll see what I can do : ) I knew sumtin was off.
Moabarmorgamer
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Moabarmorgamer
8,570 posts
Nomad

Wow. Hacker Alert! All the comment dates are messed up. =(
Nice work TSL. Although it's a bit dangerous, seeing how there's an endless void of darkness just over there trying to suck us all i-
AAHHHHHHH!
*is sucked into the void and never seen again*

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,821 posts
Shepherd

Thank you. I'll see what I can do : ) I knew sumtin was off.


Welcome. It's a common problem - pretty much every first-time poet has it. I'll give ya an overview of meters if you want.
TSL3_needed
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TSL3_needed
5,579 posts
Nomad

pretty much every first-time poet has it


I'm not exactly a first time poet.

Although a quick refresher in meters would be nice

*is sucked into the void and never seen again*


Oh noes! Moat was sucked into the death void!

Wrong type of void XD
thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
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Shepherd

I'm not exactly a first time poet.


My first poem, which is rather my creative outlet in the World Events section


You posted the original poem on September 10th. You're a first-time poet, and you pre-pwnt yourself for me. :P

Although a quick refresher in meters would be nice


Iambic is when there is an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed one in each foot - this has a more relaxing and lilting rhythm to it.

Trochaic is the opposite of iambic - a stressed followed by an unstressed. Trochaic is a bit more driving in its nature - it has a different feel than iambic, for sure.

Anapestic has two unstressed syllables then a stressed one - the feel for this one is more flexible.

Dactylic is the opposite of anapestic - a stressed, then two unstressed in a foot. It also has a more flexible rhythm.

There are others, but those are the basic ones.

Syllable counts - pentameter, hexameter, tetrameter, etc. - are also important. They can be constant or varied between lines to create a distinct flow.


A foot is one instance of a meter - an iambic foot is one unstressed syllable followed by a stressed one, for example.

did I help?
TSL3_needed
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TSL3_needed
5,579 posts
Nomad

You posted the original poem on September 10th. You're a first-time poet, and you pre-pwnt yourself for me. :P


That's my first poem in the thread. Let's see. . . .

http://armorgames.com/community/thread/4142576/morbid-literature]Here's some from the beginning of August. Not my first ones ever though. I wrote my first ones years ago.

did I help?


Sorta, ya. Can you give me examples of stressed and unstressed syllables? My 6th grade english eludes me at the moment.
thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,821 posts
Shepherd

The URl is not valid and cannot be loaded.
--------

Hmmmmm . . . .

i FELL inTO the OP'N sea

is an iambic line.

There's a softer syllable, then a harder, or stressed syllable.

Moabarmorgamer
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Moabarmorgamer
8,570 posts
Nomad

Oh noes! Moat was sucked into the death void!

Mind-Moat: Yup, he'll be falling for all eternity. But you still have me! I had to come, I knew you all would not be able to cope without my quirky humor
Gay Moat: And don't forget about me! I'm thtill here!
Straight Moat: Oh no! *cowers in terror* Help me TSL!
Jonathan: Here we go again...*sighs in exasperation*
Pau11Wa11
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Pau11Wa11
527 posts
Nomad

not to bad

TSL3_needed
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TSL3_needed
5,579 posts
Nomad

Into the Void
My current showcase. I'll keep writing it until I get it freaking perfect.

Blood is sloshing all around,
Curdling screams, only sound.
Infinite death, unto me,
Like a screaming symphony.

Unto fire death grips you,
As the spear cuts you through.
Into the pit, sees you die,
As you scream a lifeless cry.

All through nightmare I see death,
As I blast you until you're deaf.
I see nothing but my rage,
Trapped in a burning cage.

My arm shivers,
My body quivers.
Seeming through insanity,
I see something quite uncannily.

The void rips right through us,
As hot lead tears a fuss.
I drop down to sleep,
In Hells' bleeding keep.

Into the void I say goodnight,
I surrender without a fight.
I come to see the end,
"Death my life I give to lend".

Like it?

Moabarmorgamer
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Moabarmorgamer
8,570 posts
Nomad

I like it.
Constructive Criticism
Hmm...instead of
"Until you're deaf"
You should put
"'Til your death"
Take away a syllable, it'll sound better.
Or instead of
"As hot lead tears a fuss"
Maybe
"Hot lead tears at us"
Or something like that. Remove a syllable

TSL3_needed
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TSL3_needed
5,579 posts
Nomad

Epic revive is epic.

*ahem*

My award winning poem! I won a merit ^.^

The beginning of death is the end of life,
The end of strife,
The beginning of song.

The life we live reflects how we die,
Whether we die with a sigh,
Or a huge fireball.

"We live by the sword, we die by it,"
My favorite quote I will always spit,
But never out of place.

With the end comes suicide,
Or homicide,
Or a violent end waiting to see.

If we see no peace, we always see blood,
As it flows in in a large flash flood,
This is the blood of warfare.

We see it in movies,
But they are poor abilities,
In B rate, hollow and empty.

But we die on death's bed,
We've said all that's said,
And we sleep in peace, forever.

Somers
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Somers
1,532 posts
Nomad

sounds like a suicidal song....

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