I woke up to a scratchy, wailing voice at my door yelling to get up and pay my rent. Groaning like a zombie, I turned and saw the time. "It's effing 3:38 AM, Mrs. Durney, the check's in the mail, can you let me get some sleep?" I moaned, putting a pillow over my head. Mrs. Durney, my apartment manager, was a crotchety, old, and overall unlikeable person. Sometimes I had to pay my rent twice, because she kept threatening to kick me out if I didn't pay her. I have even made plans to kill this crotchety old lady with a fire axe. However, since I read "Crime and Punishment", I knew that'd be a bad idea. "You get your misanthropic, idiotic *ss out here THIS INSTANT!" She screeched through the door, now pounding on it. I could only utter out a small curse before a walked toward the door. "My god, Mrs. Durney do you really have to be so mean about this? I told you the check is in the-" I was interrupted when I opened to door. Not by Mrs. Durney, but by pure horror. Mrs. Durney had a permanent smile on her faced. Made by what I could only think as two hooks ripping her cheeks. A small bit of her lip was gone and her jugular vein was spluttering all over her shoulder. She leaped onto me, and was trying to.... make out with me!? Struggling to keep her face away from mine, I saw even more disturbing effects on her face. Her eye was loose, and was about to fall out onto my face. Her skin was showing mold, and her other eye was a shark like, deep, emotionless, black pit. It was if the pupil had taken over the entire eye! I tried hitting her across the face but it didn't seem to be doing anything. Finally, after a few moments (which felt like hours), she tumbled off of me, bleeding out. "Sh*t!" I yelled, scared out of my mind from the experience. I ran to my door and locked it, gasping for air. Right beside my door was my light switch, which I, of course, turned on. Around my room was a radio, a lavalamp (that I tend to stare at before I go to bed, I find it relaxing,), my bed, and a small TV that only played the news and a few other channels I didn't really like. Then there was my window, on the far side of my room. Collecting my thoughts, I peeked out the window. A same horror befell me, where I saw my fellow men attacking each other in a pure rage. Men, of all shapes and sizes, struck women to the ground and.... kissed them. Racing to my television, I turned it on. "This is the FOX news, and we've been getting reports of something of random assaults occurring all over the city. People are being attacked and ... I'm sorry what is that?" The news reporter pointed at the screen, and continued, "You're kidding. Okay, well, it seems that the assailants are kissing their victims, then leave them be". I looked out the window once more and saw that these assailants were similar to Mrs. Durney. Green blotches on their skin, bloody, and bloody, torn up flesh. Being the idiot I am, the only thing that could do this was, of course, zombies. I locked my door and put any sort of furniture I had up to it. I closed my blinds and then hoped that they couldn't hear me. Turning toward the T.V. once more, I listened to the reporter. "This just in! Many people are telling us that these assailants are... oh come on, this has to be a joke," The reporter paused, and I could almost hear the cameraman saying to say it, "Okay okay, people have been calling in to the station, saying that these assailants are zombies. You can probably laugh now, Manhattan!" The reporter had a good laugh. Looking around, the reporter asked, "What? Why aren't you guys laughing with me? Isn't that hilarious? I mean really, zombies in Manhattan?". There was no response, not even an utter from behind the camera. "Just another day in New York..." I mumbled to myself, turning to the nightstand my lava lamp was rested upon. I pulled out the drawer and grabbed a .9mm pistol. "Just another day in New York...."
Great voice, but sometimes you overdo the adjectives - especially in paragraphs un-trois. Instead of using multiple adjectives in these places to get the image you want, maybe trying using different sentence-structuring, figurative language, etc.
For example, instead of saying 'scratchy, wailing voice' maybe try 'what sounded like a voice, but was too scratchy and wailing for me to tell' or something like that. Using the adjective list multiple times within a few paragraphs is generally a no-no.
