Fun School Begins Hi, I'm TJ I'm currently writing in my diary about my boarding school. Thats Fun School and as you can tell by it's name the school is very fun. I'm going to be writeing logs about most of my days in Fun School. It's my 1st day in 4th grade. The day was sweet until Jim barged into our dorm. Jims a spoilt brat, his parents get him anything he wants. He stays in the other dorm called, Spoiy dorm. Who would like to stay in a dorm with that name? Personly I think his freinds only stay with him for his money rolls. He came in and went straight to me. "I hope your reday with your painkillers today TJ after Spoiy dorms finished with you losers you'll be needing them." "Erm... I think it'll be your dorm who'll be needing them today Jim." He left mumbling something under his breath but I could'nt make out what he said. I thought long and hard about what he ment then, it hit me. It was the day are paintball fights began. I nearly slaped my self on the head. Every Yr at 12:00PM procisley we start are paintball war. 11:59 I had my paintball gun in my backpack reday to make my move. *Rinnnnnnnnnng Rinnnnnnnnnnnng* I took my gun out *Splat Splat* They nice orange wallpaper in the room was turned to a 3 coloured red, blue, and green colour. I got hit in the head which hurts the most. My nice brown hair was now blue in one part and the blast had knocked the style into a diffrent style. Even tho I'm blue eyed it does'nt suit me. Are dorm was drivin back. I ran out wildiy fireing at them as I could. This lasted until around 6:00. When I got changed I went outside and then seen a big banner on the girls dorm. WELCOME BACK GIRLS! it said I wonderd about it for a minute, and I was'nt there the next. I was running back to my dorm for the welcome back meal we had every year. When I arrived I found, some fish and some weird stuff what I relly could'nt say what it was. But I ate it anyway. My 3 freinds Ronny, Freddy, and Niddy (We call them the Triple Y's you can see why there names all end in a Y) where all nearly sick because they did'nt like the look at the other stuff and, that I was eating it! I basiclly will eat anything. After that we all laid on our beds for awhile and got a suprise attack from are rivals Spoiy dorm. "Open fire!" scremed Jim. I just got him onto the floor and shot him 10 times and went back to bed. They throw a grenade into my room while I was asleep and it got my and my meerkat Winstand, in the face I took my gun and screamed at the top of my voice get out of our dorm you bunch of dorky no lifed losers!!!! I shot them all and then thankfully they left. I tell you I swear the next time I tell you about another one of my days here I'll tell you one where they got Owned by us all! Bye for now my teachers coming I'll try and tell you more next time. "Young man we strickly have a rule of no we.... *Monitor switches off*
Comment on the story and give ideas for the next story which will be Sumbited very soon thats all for now Yours sincerly Tom
1. Bad grammar, bad spelling. I mean, we know what you mean to say, but it's a lot nicer and easier to read if it's grammatorically correct. 2. Choppy. It's like this... "And I went to school,and we did finger paints and it was a lot of fun, and I went to bed.' Or "And I went to school. We did finger paints. It was fun. I went to bed." See? Add some voice, add some descriptives. And basically, it's just not that interesting. Sorry.
It would help if I knew that your in 4th grade or your some old guy in the back of a truck in China. Otherwise....try adding description, like "the sky is blue." Yea use that line
Oh, has this become an adjective contest? Bring it on Tussleboy! Gimme your worst! The sky was a mild periwinkle blue, with a few fluffy white cumulus clouds drifting lazily across it, and the blinding yellow sun glared down..
The sky was a pale, mild, azure color with several large, black and gray cumulonimbus clouds in the background giving of a sense of urgency as the lightening roared and cracked in the sky. The other side, however, was pale and glistful, and gave the sense of calm, leisurely pleasure with the sun glaring down upon them in a nonchalant manner.
You can't beat me. I've been told by my teachers that I go overboard with my descriptions.
You can't beat me. I've been told by my teachers that I go overboard with my descriptions
I sure as heck can beat you,little boy. I know where to draw the line with my descriptions, but you can't beat me.
Rain and lightning poured down like a punishment from above for everything we had done wrong in our lives. The freezing cold water glistened as it made contact with the already-soaked dark grey cement, with a loud PLOP! I could hear and see everything in vivid detail; the bright, blinding white flash of the lightning as it streaked down from the storm-blackened sky, the CRASH! BOOM! of the lightning echoing through this forsaken city, the lights out, the people shuffling past quickly and quietly in their drab, dun-colored suits. I huddled miserably against the pounding of the rain sloshing against my cheap plastic poncho, wishing bitterly I'd chosen instead the vacation to the sandy, warm beaches of the California coast.
I sure as heck can beat you,little boy. I know where to draw the line with my descriptions, but you can't beat me.
Little boy? You wanna play me?
The wind lashed the rain like a whip striking flesh, and the rain gave a response in the way of massive and utterly resolute drops that came like bullets. The thunder danced around the sky like a 21 gun solute, and it rattled my ear drums like an instantaneous pressure wave smashing my ear, giving me a truly hell-like sense of what God can rain down upon this puny planet we call Earth. Then came the massive houses, picked up and tossed about like rag dolls in a dogs' mouth. They came with a crash and I could smell the scent of blood as the people inside were shredded instantly, and the heavy crimson liquid spewed over me in similar fashion to a bucket of paint on a wall. As I watched the house scream by, a car hit behind me and I could taste my own blood. I looked down, and there sticking out of me is an axle of a car, impaling me like a kabob. As I looked around my legs gave may and I dropped to the ground, my blood whirling around me. Then came the eye of the storm, and an eerie calm settled around me. All the surviving people came out of their houses like fools, in amazement that the storm had given way to calm. "Wow!" one proclaimed, looking around thinking the storm had broken. And there I lay, 40ft from the fools bleeding to death, singing my final goodbyes. Then the black void that was death engulfed me, and I felt a bone shattering chill sweep over me, in a manner that I knew was that cold, dark thing known as death. As I say goodbye, I lose my sight, then my touch, next went my taste, and finally my hearing. I felt my heart stop beating, and as I lay there, I died, blood pooling around me and pain lancing through me. But I knew this was the ultimate morphine, and all the pains of the world would end, bathed in black and dried in earth, 6ft under.
Ok, let's stop clogging up poor Thomas's thread with our completely unrelated battle(I am not conceding defeat), and take it to the Adjective Conteset I just made.
^^^ Jon I don't mind but can you all lay off :P I'm DAMN 10 and because mods are nice and Armorgames rules they don't ban me :P so please do it not in your teen stuff but like comment about it if like :P You would have to say not like (O I don't know what to say) Just say it like you want to I'm not botherd lol but you guys are helping me But how about this then for are Adjective contest
The sky was a hazle above the clouds where as white as white can be they where floating harilesly making the sky look not like hazel any more but blue like the open sea for swimmers that swim in it
