I'm making a horror-comedy spoof sort of story, so if you want to be in it, please reply here. I cannot take too much people though, maybe about 10 and that's it.
Ernie15 was walking down his school campus, when he spotted something, and something very interesting indeed. Next thing he knows, he's in a truck full of boys, and no girls?
The sun hurt his eyes when he walked out of the dirt old truck.
"The sun, it burns!!!"he exclaimed.
"Well you'll have to get used to that!"somene from behind him said.
He was tall, very muscular, and looked like that guy from the campus.
"Haven't I seen you be-"
"Uh, No! No you haven't"interrupted the stranger.
"Yes I have"
"No you haven't"
"Yes I did"
"Stop! Err, that was my twin brother! Yes, that's it!"
Ernie stared at him with sharp eyes,"Fine, I'll believe that."
They were led to a small village, 10 green tents on each side.
"Welcome to Special Tactics Unit training camp!", the stranger said."I am your drill instructor from now on!"
"BOO!",said all the new recruits. Someone unseen said "You suck!"
*24 Hours Later*
"Damn, I'm beat",Ernie15 said.
"You're fat",said someone from inside the tent.
"Who said that?"
"I did", a tall slim man said.
"Well shut up"
"Fine, sheesh."
"Training starts tomorrow! Get some shut eye and make sure Chuck Norris ain't under your bed!"
TO BE CONTINUED...
**Note that Ernie15 is the only character so far. Need more characters for Chapter 1.
Shouldn't you do something to determine the personality of the people signing up any way at all, so you can portray them accurately? Whatever. The dude with the correct grammar is leaving now. Your story is kind of boring and choppy, but I guess that's mainly because it's nothing but dialogue. Did you mean to do that? At least throw some nice adjectives in there. Or a colorful verb. Said gets annoying and drab after repeating it so many times in a story. Just a friendly tip.
Shouldn't you do something to determine the personality of the people signing up any way at all, so you can portray them accurately? Whatever. The dude with the correct grammar is leaving now. Your story is kind of boring and choppy, but I guess that's mainly because it's nothing but dialogue. Did you mean to do that? At least throw some nice adjectives in there. Or a colorful verb. Said gets annoying and drab after repeating it so many times in a story. Just a friendly tip.
Thanks for the tip. No, for the prologue, I just put dialogue, but the main story will have more detail.
I'll be in it.
Sure, I'll put you in.
me too
All Right!
I think the story is pretty awesome. That main character sounds like a pretty cool guy.
It was a glum, depressing, rainy day, which in fact, was Training Day for all the recruits! They were forced to
wake up at 4 AM in the morning.
"Just a minute",Ernie mumbled. He wasn't used to waking up early, since back at college, he was used to being late
for class. The instructor just gave him a cold glare, standing still like a statue.
"I can shoot yer head right now! That way you won't have to wake up! Would you like that?",the Drill Instuctor
said.
"Sure whatever, as long as I don't have to get up for training. But, I'll die another day, I guess." He stood up,
mumbling about how he should still be back at college, failing school instead of being at camp.
He went outside, still half asleep, not realizing that he forgot to put a shirt and pants on. He didn't even feel
the rain and the piercing cold rain.
They lined up, doing whatever the instructor told them to do. The half naked Ernie, still half asleep, stood next
to the instructor, his eyes squinted. "Now I want yer to do what this..er..somewhat awesome white guy has ter
say....er...whatcher name?"he said, as if drunk.
The instructor just stared at him, thinking about sending him out without training. "Get back in line! I'll send
you to Iraq if you don't shut up right now!" "Now we'll start off with runnin' and some basic crap!"
He led them to a small field, filled with obstacles. He made them to a few laps around the field, Ernie of course,
being last. Next was the obstacle course, yet again Ernie being last. You could say laziness runs in his veins. But
of course, he isn't the only stupid guy around.
**TARGET PRACTICE**
Yakitori happened to be crouching right next to Ernie, who was now wide awaked, emberassed at how he forgot his
pants and shirt. He aimed not at the targets, but at different fellow recruits. He pretended he was in some sort of
video game. "Die you stupid Japs!" "Take this and that" "I bet yo momma is fat as the sun!"
"Aren't you of Japanese heritage?"Ernie asked.
Yakitori glared at him."I could kill myself right now!"
"Go ahead"
Yakitori pulled out his pistol and aimed it at his head. He didn't look scared at all.
"I bet your emo", Ernie pointed out.
"Guys, just shut up, please", said someone. They both looked at the stranger. He was wearing glasses, and had spiky
hair, and perfect teeth.
"My names whimsyboy by the way!",he said.
"You supposed to be some sort of nerd?", Yakitori said. He and Ernie started laughing at the joke.
"And i bet you came from the crapper",whimsyboy said.
"All right, that's it! Trainings over! Tomorrow, you will be appointed to your squad leaders and members!", the
instructor shouted. They all walked back to the tents, where Ernie realized that the person who called him fat was
Yakitori, but he didn't dare talk to him about. He was afraid the Yakitori was too retarded to understand the meaning of innocence.
TO BE CONTINUED.....
**Chapter 2 will be released probably tomorrow. Oh, and i know i'm not a good writer, but give me some good feedback to keep me going. I already got some good ideas comin!
