Forums → The Tavern → The Beginning of the Universe

Now, I am aware with the controversy around this subject. The Christians think that God created the universe and that some giant nuclear space strike is impossible. Likewise, atheists think that some giant space demon just thinking everything into existence is preposterous. I have decided to shed some light on this situation, and put it to rest once and for all.

Now, I have my grade 11 Physics and I attended Sunday School so I feel that I easily surpass the needed qualifications to voice my opinion on this matter. First off, I would like to say that I take no side in this heated argument. Not because I think both are the crazed ramblings of town drunks, but quite the opposite. That's right, I think both are true.

Now, as any God fearing man should know, the only way to get into heaven is to accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior. Naturally, this means all other religions are in for a bit of tough luck, as they will spend eternity in hell. Now, some religions take this fact with good heart, like the Buddhists, and just go look at clouds in the mountains. Others, not so well. Take the Muslims for example, flying planes into things and beheading tourists, just accelerating their one way flight to the underworld.

Now, this is getting some people very mad, no matter how many lives they take God still won't let them into heaven. This of course called for drastic measures. The dead demon-terrorists hijacked a 747 (It was in hell, I'm not really sure how it got there. I heard it had to do with the production and distribution of child porn.) and flew it right at the pearly gates. That's right. The terrorists suicide bombed heaven. The result was a giant explosion. And I'm not talking controlled demolition, not even atomic bomb. I'm talking destroy the entire universe and then pee on it for good measure big. This is what is now commonly known as "The Big Bang".

Now for the part the terrorists didn't see coming, The Big Bang didn't destroy everything, it merely restarted it. That's right, it's a vicious cycle that keeps on repeating. Oh did I mention 2012? Yeah, that ties in too. Because during the winter solstice in 2012 is the next planned attack. Yep, that's right, in 2012 everyone on earth will get to experience the destruction (and creation) of the universe.

Now, if you have read this far I applaud you. I'm not going to do anything mean to you, like say "You just lost The Game" because this is all true. No need to thank me for enlightening you, because sharing this story with others is all that I need to bring joy to my heart.