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TSL3_needed
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TSL3_needed
5,579 posts
Nomad

Not really into poetry as of late, but I think I shall make another 5 minute poem. My head hurts and I'm tired, but I'll do my best to pass the time. Now where to start . . . .

Fusion

With a reactor flowing right,
My mind begins to slowly fight.
In unraveling the world takes flight,
Flying up higher than a kite.

Through the fusion of sanity,
The light of sight insanity.
I see my way, into night,
Not until another light.

To be continued (but probably not). . .

  • 4 Replies
thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,821 posts
Shepherd

The last two lines of the first stanza are begging for some rebalancing syllable-wise, but otherwise it's a good concept and good execution.

TSL3_needed
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TSL3_needed
5,579 posts
Nomad

The last two lines of the first stanza are begging for some rebalancing syllable-wise, but otherwise it's a good concept and good execution.


The last one seems off, dragging the other down. Reading it over I get:

With a reactor flowing right,
My mind begins to slowly fight.
In unraveling the world takes flight,
Up it is a flying kite.

Through the fusion of sanity,
The light of sight insanity.
I see my way, into night,
Not until another light.

Slightly better, although it could be improved on later.
TerryLasVegas
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TerryLasVegas
773 posts
Nomad

Pretty good powm. Make it longer though.

TSL3_needed
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TSL3_needed
5,579 posts
Nomad

Pretty good powm. Make it longer though.


Asking me to make a poem longer is sorta a double edged sword. I can make some walls of words that can make you cringe.

That's if you want me to make it longer XD
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