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Pretty good, except for a few grammatical/spelling errors here and there.

Also, I've noticed a new theme about 'averageness' lately. I blame MLIA.

Yeah, I didn't spellcheck/go over the first few chapters yet.

Also, MLIA? Wuzzat?

The writing itself is technically clean and well-done, but it lacks significant voice and character. Stuff happens and it's explained in a clear-cut and clean way technically, but I'm not getting any sort of mark of greatness in the writing. Try to spice it up a little - make it smoother and more exciting. But your structuring and sequencing and dialogue are good. Quite good.

And if you're worried about my qualification to give you criticism on the piece, I didn't get all of my posts from the WEPR section and not all of my dA pageviews from fractals

Thanks, Alt, I'll try to spice it up a little. I'll be posting the second chapter later tonight.

OH, and one more thing. Your pacing is too fast for it to be a real book. Take it slower, focus more on character development. If this is your first chapter, the finished book'll probably be like 20 pages at the most. 10,000 words is about 36 pages for size 12 arial font.

*gasp* I'm using size 10!!!! D=

Lol, well, I was actually thinking about that when writing the first chapter. The first chapter was more or less ALL about showing the normal attitude of nowaday's schoolchildren. Then, right at the end, BAM, something out of the ordinary. The rest of the chapters take it a little slower than that one.

They'd better take it a lot slower xD

2,000 words at least for a chapter will give you a book if you have at least 40 chapters, though it'll probably be more words/chapter and less chapters.

Well, I've generally planned out each chapter in my head (Not written each chapter, just planned what would happen) up to about chapter 30 or so, and that's about half way through the book. And most of the chapters I've written so far are a little longer than chapter 1, but I dunno how many words are in chapter 1 ._.

Alright guys, sorry for the double post, but this is chapter two of "The Government". I would like to point out, that this would be considered a "Science Fiction" book, though I consider it realistic fiction. You'll see why in later chapters.

The Government - Chapter 2 - The Cat

DJ was dragged through the hall by the police man, and he looked into all the classrooms as he went by.
"Empty." He thought, "I guess when you pull a fire alarm, the whole school evacuates." He began wondering how no one else noticed the fire, when he himself felt like he couldn't breath. Just then, he heard the stomping of footsteps, and turned around to see his classmates leaving the building like the rest of the school.
He smelled it again.
The police man jerked his arm as DJ began tried to get free. "I smell it again!" He said loudly. "I smell the fire, there's a fire nearby!"
"I don't smell anything, kid, now shut up." Was the reply he got from the cop. Franticly, DJ begin looking around, thinking things like, "He's not going fast enough, we're ganna get burned alive!"
Panic ensued, and he jerked free of the cop and ran down the hall as fast as he could, finally reaching the door and running through the parking lot. He looked behind him and saw the police man saying something into his walkie-talkie, and then he gave chase. DJ kept running until his gut told him to turn the corner, and he did. After a few moments he ducked behind a building, and caught his breath. The cop didn't chase him that far.
"Why the hell am I running from a COP?!" he thought, looking around quickly. "I didn't do anything! I saved those people's lives!" As he began to calm down, he heard the whale of sirens coming down a nearby street, and knew it was the fire department. He sat in silence for a few minutes, until a stray cat walked up to him and meowed. DJ loved cats, that's why he had three of them.
In fact, he loved all animals, cats, dogs, birds, and sea life. He reached out to pet the cat, and it ran a few feet to the left. He realised it had a large, bleeding gash on it's eye. "It must have gotten into a fight." He said, as he gently pulled the cat towards him. "It's not too bad, little guy. You'll be fine." The cat purred, and closed it's eyes.
DJ reached into his back pocket and took out a small bottle of water, and dabbed a little onto his finger for the cat to drink. After a short while, he stood up and walked away, leaving the cat behind him, thinking it was asleep. As he walked down the street, he took random turns to go somewhere. Anywhere, other than back to his school. He was never going back there again.
After about a half an hour, according to his watch, he came out of a small street, and onto Park street, one of the main streets in his city. He walked along the sidewalk and window shopped, until he came upon a small mom and pop shop with the sign torn down. Looking into the window, he saw a mirror. It was the first time in a long time that he bothered to check out his appearance, but he thought he looked terrible. His shoulder length red hair, which was normally straight, was starting to curl up from the water. His clothes were drenched, and he noticed something odd about his eyes. While they were normally a light greenish colour, they seemed to be blue today.
"I suppose it's a mood thing..." He thought, not really knowing about that kind of stuff. As he turned to keep walking, he felt something tug at his leg, and looked down to see the large, yellowish cat with the gash on it's eye. He hadn't noticed before, but his long fur was rather dirty, and had lots of blood in it. He picked up the cat gently, and carried him with him on his way.

I've been working on it a lot tonight, so I might even post chapter three before I go to sleep. Remember, feel free to criticise!

PS. The "g" key on this laptop is a little messed up, so if there's a few words without the g at the end (Eg. Sayin, doin, leavin) then it's a typo, not slang. I tried to fix as many as I could find when I went over it.

It's getting a bit more interesting, but I'm seeing this ending up being more the length of a novella or a novelette than a novel.

You're fleshing out DJ a bit more - we know a bit more about his likes and dislikes. That's good. However, you need to get to character development so we can imagine the character better.

Well, for some reason I can't write in length. Most fiction books have 10-15 pages per chapter, while mine usually only have about a page and a half. I DID write ONE other book, that ended up being about 60 chapters, and a decent length, but I never went anywhere with it. As for this one, I've planned every major event out in my head, and I think it's going to be a series of about 2-3 books. They're not going to be all Harry otter sized, but they wont be little either.

Thanks for your help, by the way, I actually redid this chapter, and made it go a whole different way than the original one, just so I could experiment with differet writing styles. In the next few chapters, DJ starts to really think about his life, and the way it's going, and the whole scene of the government. As I said, I might be putting out chapter 3 in a bit, but I might not.

Sorry again for the double post, but I just finished another chapter, so here's one of the first. Remember, these first few weren't spell checked.

The Government - Chapter 3 - A Dull Reunion

DJ took the long way home as he marched along the sidewalk of Park, and took a right into a small street that lead to the back streets, and then into the boondocks. As he walked through the backstreets, the cat looked around, and occasionally tried to jump out of his hands, but he know that the cat would get hurt here, as there were a lot of stray racoons, and dogs. He heard someone shouting, and turned to see a large boy of about five foot nine in height, with short brown hair and baggy clothes.
"That looks like Blake..." He mumbled, remembering the boy in his third grade class that had always been the tallest. Now, he seemed rather short. DJ was a rather large boy for his age. People always insisted he play football, but he never liked sports. He stood at six foot two, and was slightly muscular.
"Daniel!" The boy running towards him called out. "Daniel, it's me, Blake!"
DJ remembered that Blake had always called him by his real name, not his nickname. Daniel Joseph Knope, being his full name. People always mispernounced his last name, saying "kuh-nawp" or "Kuh-naw-pay" when the K was actually silent. Nope.
Blake stopped in front of him, and had a large smile on his face. "I haven't seen you in years! What brings you down here?" Blake said, panting slightly. "And shouldn't you be in school?"
"Shouldn't you?" DJ said with a raised brow, a slight smile on his face. "Or did your school get shut down because of asbestus. Again."
Blake laughed. "Yup. Out for about a month while they clear it out. You still didn't answer my question!"
DJ smiled, and nodded. "Yeah...I ditched school. There was a fire in my classroom that I smelled, and I pulled the fire alarm, but the cop said he didn't see anything. I assumed he was going to arrest me, and when I smelled fire again, I ran out the school and kept running."
Blake laughed again. "Hell, you're in a lot more trouble now, Daniel!"
"Call me DJ." He said, and started walking. Blake followed.
"Ya know, Brock and Zeke live just down the street. Do you wanna go hang with em for a while?" Blake asked, pointing in the direction of their houses.
"No thanks. I have a feeling if I stay out too long, I'll be in way more trouble than I already am."
Blake nodded, looking around slowly. He turned and looked at the cat, that he just seemed to notice. "New cat?" He asked, petting it.
DJ smiled and nodded. "Yeah, found him when running out the school. I think I'm ganna name him Shay."
"Sounds French." Blake said shortly.
"It means Heart in some old language. Can't really remember which."
They walked in silence for a short while, before DJ took a left onto another small street, that lead back onto park. Blake said his goodbyes and wrote down his phone number, so they could keep in touch.
Somewhere along that long, thin road, DJ began thinking about things. He realised how pointless his life was at the moment. How pointless the school system was, and all the things that people did in life. The government demands money from people so that it can grow, then it spends it on bombs and nukes to blow up other people with. Then, when it runs out, it demands more money, until everyone but the rich is without food, and shelter.
DJ thought about how his parents, both of them hard working, spent years paying money on a car, and yet they still owe just as much as when they took out the loan for it.
"Interest," He said, "Is it really interest? Or is it just another tax that they're putting on us to suck money out of us?"
DJ had always been somewhat of an outcast. He was tall, but didn't like sports like basketball. He was big, yet he didn't bully others, he defended the weak. He barely defended himself. DJ remembered days when people would run up and punch and kick him, and all he would do is push them off, and keep walking.
As he enetered the mainstreet yet again, he saw a shop with TVs inside the windows, turned onto the news station. He stopped the watch, and mindlessly stroked Shay.
"- Only the pilots survived. The cause of the crash seemed to be the pilots falling asleep, though they both claim that they were fully awake, and the plain simply went into a nose dive. Their survival is miraculous, but they are currently in custody, and charges of terrorism are being pressed against them."
DJ had heard enough. "Pilots crashing a plane seemed utterly stupid. If they were terrorists, they would have killed themselves after, or something." was all he could say on the subject. He passed other TV shops, and all had a different news station on, talking about plane crashes. It seemed that every plane that left at 12:15 PM, was crashed, and only the pilots survived.
DJ didn't like the sound of that, and hurried home.

I'll be postin chapter four tomorrow, or the next day.

nice story but yeah maybe go into detail about what people look like and their sort of personality good story so far im looking foreward to next chapter

oh yeah and you should make paragraphs every now and then if you want this to go for longer

Honestly, I'm not very worried about length. I'm more worried about detail, and if it leads to it being longer, cool, if not, oh well.

Thanks for your comment!

Length is fine for me, I don't see why that would affect how good a story is.