Prologue It all started with this medicine to cure a human from his poison. But the ingredients weren't well realized the doctor. He slowly went to place his left ear on the humans nose who looks dead to know if he's actually alive or not. He bends slowly and doesn't hear the human breath. So they waited until night time and they hope for something to happen. They go to sleep at the same room and then, the human wakes-up, he stood-up and without waking up the doctor, he bit him and this is how it all started , the zombie infection!
Chapter 1 : Alive for Survival Hello, I'm Marco,a 23 year old man who absolutely loves to hunt zombies. Don't try to mess with me because my anger might go too high that I might want to simply shoot your bloody head with my shotgun. I live in a cabana like a poor man and I'm trying to find a rich place to live in for survival. And I really don't wanna stay and feel lonely for the rest of my life so I need allies for my hunts. Just to tell you, I got a double barrel shotgun with few ammo left, my leather armor around me and my rain boots. I need them in case if it rains.
So I think I should go to Las Vegas cause its close by where I am , San Fransisco. So in the morning, I pick up my shotgun and I'm ready to get over there and start the destruction! I take my shotgun and look right ahead in case if any zombies will appear. No zombies until now, I think I need to go to that grocery store which is about few feet's away. I ran to the grocery store without aiming with my shotgun for now. I stop at the entrance and crouch. I look behind me to check if any zombies are close by but its all secure. So I slowly and silently walk in the grocery store. Checking the left and right side after every counter I pass by. I'm gonna get bread I'm guessing. So I walk to the bread counter and see a zombie who looks hungry walking forward to the left side. I stay silent , walk about more forward and grab the bread. The fingers in the plastic bag made noises so the zombie might of heard me. I walk silently back and then the zombie appears! I stab the chest with my edge of the shotgun. The blood is coming out so I kick with both of my foots while grabbing my shotgun with my two hands the chest of the zombie surrounding the shotgun. The zombie flies away and I land good and safe. Whats disgusting for me is the dirty hole in the zombies chest with all the blood and all. So I normally eat my bread and get more food to eat to fill-up my hunger. I then walk to the bathroom with a hammer I've found in the ground. I kick the door with my right foot and check from the outside of the bathroom if any was inside it. So no one was there, I check behind the door , under the sink and everywhere else in the bathroom and is all safe. After a minute, I open my door and...
It's very choppy. Try and read it and reread it afterwards to try and work out any of those kinks. A few are very obvious, I must say. Some of the sentences aren't complete, but others are just 3-4 sentences mashed together. You have to try and be consistent, and also use better adjectives. If you absolutely need to, visit this site if you need to find better nouns, adjectives, and verbs.
When you're reading it and rereading it, try and change it to make it flow easier and swifter, because this is supposed to be an action thriller, after all.
The character you made seemed very arrogant and full of himself. You're making it seem like he's the greatest of the great, and that is usually bad for a tragedy story, because there isn't as much tension and that, "What if?" feeling. It just seems very predictable from the reader's viewpoint, and that's usually not what you want to go for when dealing with a zombie story. You can't be instegated by the fact that many people on AG like zombie stories.
