All right, what we've been waiting for. Judging time! Because we had only 4 entries, it really gave me time to take a look at each one. Unlike my usual tradition, I haven't established tiers or "laces" of winning, there's just the winner and runner-ups. However, since we've got a small crowd I do want to share my views and perspectives on each poem to give you guys feedback, because it's very important to me to help you improve and give you a sense of perspective from the reader.
So first off, the runner-ups!
thisisnotanalt
I find our life is tedious
the start, the one forgotten
I find that he hasn't freed us
despite the fire we've begotten
if it weren't for the accelerant
we'd be his only love
but the crowd is a lonely propellant
for his preference of who he places above
if it weren't for the godd**n fluid
that helped start the roaring flame
we'd be the lone-star, the druid
both the one, and the same
we are the ones who are unknown
we are the men behind the curtains
then we're doused, and down we're thrown
the matches again ignored, for certain
and so this unloving master
will taste his own saccharine brew
nothing will ruin his career faster
then damp matches stopped in public view
I found this poem to be very reminiscent of T.S. Eliot: The first line reminded me of J. Alfred Prufrock and the fourth stanza of the Hollow Men. Overall, definitely a solid poem. It is very "altian," if I may coin the term, with your superb command of vocabulary, and excellent rhymes to boot. However, I didn't really feel that metric pulse I think you were going for. The feel I got became one of a rather irregular dirge that condemned strongly without that sense of force behind it.
Teeheegirl123
Oh you mere mortals
Why do you even bother
Imitating us
For I am the only one
Who can master this fine art
Though we are unseen
To your puny human eyes
We will destroy all
My brothers have ruined forests
My sisters take joy in death
So what is this act?
Are you trying to mock me?
Ha! Foolish person!
When my kind rules once again
Your fire will die away.
If I may coin the phrase "altian", I might also be able to pull off Teeheean.
You are one of the few people I know who know how to effectively write in a free style. Your strength lies in the fact that you make no pretensions in your writing, but somehow the images you create seem to last vividly. Lines like "My brothers have ruined forests/My sisters take joy in death" are those lines that really send shivers down your spine at the malice of the dragons. Although I must point out, the "My brothers..." line has 8 syllables instead of 7. The main thing you could work on, I think, is to broaden the limits of your vocabulary and diction to further develop these images and emotions you are capable of evoking.
Snice
the darkness in which it lingers is no more
for from the ashes a new phoenix shall arise
the strength from light that slowly becomes more
the only one left will be able to touch the skies
though the bird can never soar
no matter how hard it tries
in the end consumed by hate
leaves destruction in its wake
hating its self more of late
villagers angry, sharpening the stake
the end is nigh, clean the slate
Very nice. It leaves some very interesting images, and I particularly enjoyed the spin you put on the image of a man's final act before he falls out of favor. You have set up a very fine motive in that. Rhyme-wise, though, it would do you good not to rhyme words with themselves ("more" and "more"
in this case, because it gives a rather dull ending to what could be a real punchline. The impact of your last lines is affected by your shifting of various verb tenses, subjects, and voices, as well as your irregular meter. I recommend you read your poem aloud several times to really get a feel for the connections between the emotions and the words.
Winner: EnterOrion
Sending my flames into the sky,
The torch's heat will melt the sun.
Soon is the fire's time to die,
Soon it is finally done.
What was the shortest entry in the contest turned out to be the most powerful for me, so dramatically rendered were both the destructive and the ephemeral natures of the fireball. It seems every aspect of the fire itself has been rendered into this poem, from the sudden finish into a dark, unexpected silence to its savage stressed beats. A job well done.
Orion, as winner, you are free to post the theme of your choice and any picture requests you may have on my comments section. I will formalize and introduce the theme in this contest thread myself. When we have had more contests (if this contest takes off) I will see if you can receive a retroactive merit for this win.
