Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Endril and End Cold

Just read it all in one go, and I must say I'm glad you finally figured out how to make the symbols go away. I just type everything in AG, and hope my spelling is good enough to suffice.

I must say, its really enjoyable. I'm vaguely reminded of Brian Jacques, and Redwall, if you've ever heard of that. It might be the small furry animals, or the fact that deep down, I feel that the good guys will triump.

Mage is probably the most interesting character, in my opinion. He's a horribly frightening beast, and the fact that hes undescribed (besides the eyes, and the leathery skin), really just adds more to the unknown about him, and making him even more scary. Good job.

Commander seemed to follow DD(X?), but the new bit seems to place them as equals, or with DD as a slight follower. I thought that was a little odd, though the lapse between post would explain that.

Overall, its really good. I want moar.

Only difference is, the Redwall series tends to have a lot more characters. And Endril and End Cold has a wider range of species.

Thanks Maverick, and thank you, Jeol.

Ironically, I've read every book from the Redwall series, and love them dearly. However, this story is deeply rooted in Watership Down, a story about rabbits written by Richard Adams. If you give it a read, you'll see where I get a lot of my material from.

The relationship between Commander and DD is a complicated one, and will certainly develop as the story continues. Commander, we read, has some sort of past tie to his 'master' Sloth, however DD was specifically designated to this assignment, and in his insecurity silently seeks any miniscule way to assert himself over Commander, even though the two of them know who's really in charge.

Just re-read most of it again and Im hoping for a new update.

However, this story is deeply rooted in Watership Down, a story about rabbits written by Richard Adams. If you give it a read, you'll see where I get a lot of my material from.

That is correct. I just finished West, now I'm starting Asphodel.

Just an update.

When writing Endril, as I've been doing for two years now, I've realized that, while I'll always hold it dear as the first true story I ever wrote, it it, quite honestly, a terribly written piece. In the end, it has served naught but to help me become a better writer. Therefore, I think I will abandon the project, and place it in the corner; more important works of literature await my attention, aided by the prowess bestowed by Endril's light.

This is still totally abandoned :-D


They decided to skirt the lake westward, a journey Waluigi claimed would take a day or two. After they reached the shore he bid them farewell, advising they be wary; the strange and surreal dwelt north. Commander once more dismissed the warning.
Waluigi thought Commander was quite arrogant. The ancient warthog had been around for a while, and liked to think he'd seen things no one else had. Was he the naive one? No, he decided. He drank tea and wrote poetry. The armored stranger swung swords and spoke in conceited riddles. Well, good riddance to them, Waluigi thought with a snort. He HAD been around for a long time, and no one who traveled northwards had ever returned, whether they be rabbit, hawk, knight, fox, or whatever the hell the one called Tibbers was. He turned without another look. Shuffling on cracked hooves back to the solitude of his crumbling turret. His tea was almost ready, and it was herbal.
That night, Commander lit a small fire a few hundred yards from the rippling shore, not willing to take a risk in the unknown. DD sat awkwardly a few feet away, scuffing his orange paws and looking here and there, head snapping to attention at every little noise.
"Can you smell that?" He broke suddenly, pointing his muzzle west and away from the lake. Commander stared blankly at him, helmeted face stoic and yet mocking. "Oh right, sorry." DD mumbled, head down. "It's just, I smell more water over that way. Much larger than this lake, at least. How odd is that? And to think, all those years chasing fauna in the farmlands, and there was this whole wide worldâ¦" He trailed off sullenly.
Commander fetched a medium-sized brush fawn he'd overtaken and killed, and he skinned and spit it expertly. It was about midnight.
"A little late to be eating, don't you think?" DD said, licking his chops hungrily, saliva dripping off his tongue. Commander gave him a sideways glance and laughed gruffly, before tearing a haunch off and tossing it to DD. The fox caught it in his mouth, like a dog catching a Frisbee, and grew crimson with embarrassment. He recovered, and attempted to change the subject while he tore at the steaming meat. "So, does Sloth have some sort of sphere of influence? I mean, like, after we get far enough north, we could just kind of, you know, slink away?"
"What makes you think I would want to slink off with you?" Commander asked coldly. DD was stunned; he blinked in surprise before hanging his head.
Commander sighed, and sat down with a thud. "Sloth doesn't have a 'sphere of influence', per say. He's the god of the earth. As far as we know, he's listening to our conversation right now."
"Sounds like that means you're taking an awfully big risk right now."
"Not necessarily. I'm too valuable to him. Without someone like me in his pocket, he'd have people like you doing his dirty work."
"Well, if you're so valuable, why take all this crap from him? After all, you seem to be having a pretty miserable time right now." DD spat with a grimace. "Hey, you seem to think you're the baddest dude around. Chasing rabbits and taking on sea monsters and the like."
Commander paused, stirring the fire with a blackened stick, before turning to DD and regarding him in the dead silence, disturbed only by a ghostly wind that howled ever so faintly.
"I'd face a hundred sea monsters before I face Sloth."

This is still totally abandoned :-D

More. We want more.

Well, as I said, I have other projects waiting in the wings, which could quite possible include former and *cough* future characters of EaEC.

Sorry for the short entry, but there's a lot of dialogue, and I hate deleting and re-typing every quotation mark.



Dull pain. It'd been sharp at first, but now it was better. Flashes of red ran across veined lids, and it was accompanied by a sluggish heartbeat, coinciding with the flashes. At last, the pain subsides enough for the lids to be conquered, and they opened with a crack so prominent it almost merited its own noise. Jeol squinted as light assaulted his sight, blinking rapidly and trying to adjust. After a few moments, his vision began to improve, and he noticed with a start that a figure was hovering inches from his face.
"Aaaah!" He exclaimed with surprise, scooting back on his fluffy tail. He ran into a rock wall, hard, and turning, saw the grey mass stretched out behind him. Looking back, he saw penguins. Lots of penguins. Short penguins, fat penguins, ugly penguins and the like. The one in particular, the one that had been staring so intently at him, waddled up closer to him and continued to stare with wide saucer-like eyes. "Can I... help you?" Jeol said, voice so low it was almost a whisper.
"Why of course you can help me!" The penguin exclaimed cheerily, raising its wings happily. "I was swimming around in my lake, it IS my lake mind you, when I happened to notice you floating in it. Unconscious. Like, not-"
"I know what unconscious means. Where are my friends?"
"Well, your girlfriend-"
"Sheâs not my girlfriend."
"Well sheâs in another den, still asleep. Your friend, the hawk, swooped in just five minutes ago to find you, and the one with the missing ear was asked to leave after attacking the green fluffy thing."
"The treos?"
"It says its name is Tibbers."
"Yup, thatâs them."
A half hour later, Jeol, Rukia, Cowmaster, and Tibbers were gathered in a large den overlooking the lake. As it turned out, the penguins, whose chieftain was the one Jeol met and who called himself Vinster, lived in the north side of the lake, feeding off of the fish who fled up from the Alt lurking south. 'Oh it never bothers us.' Vinster said with irrepressible cheer. On the north shore, a rocky cliff jutted over the lake, perhaps fifty feet up and few hundred wide, and dotted along the wall were small caves dug out of the rocks, connected and accessible via staircases rising up out of the water. Nurv, after attacking Tibbers for spitting a mouthful of water in his face, had indeed been escorted out, 'no exceptions'. Now, as the day grew nigh, the four sat and explained their quest to Vinster and his group of advisors. Nodding here and there and interjecting a bit too often, Vinster heard them out. As they concluded, the sun touched the horizon gently, and the world was bathed in a soft dusk.
"That is very interesting.â Vinster said with a nod. "Tomorrow, we will show you where to go, and you can be on your way. For tonight, sleep."

This is a test for quotation transfer...er...




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