Here is a thread dedicated to my work as a writer. This thread will mostly be filled with my poems which vary in theme but I try to fashion myself after my favourite poet T.S Eliot, who I believed captured human nature in his words. I aspire to do the same. Please feel free wo citique and review my work. However, simply saying "I like it" is not good enough, as a writer I must grow and develop so I beg you readers to give me a reason as to why or why not you liked the poem. To start off I shall provide you with one of my personal favourties.
These Are The Boring Bits
Call life what you will, A joke, A curse, A gift, An adventure. Take from it what you will, Joy, Sorrow, Love, Hate. Lose yourself in it Find your purpose Or, Find nothing at all.
A man asked, "What is the meaning of life?" A woman told him, "Whatever you make it to be." A child asked, "Is god real?" A parent told them, "Only you can decide."
Personal opinion is what we use to guide us, The opinions of others are what lose us. We can never be certain That we are certain of anything Because of change, And because things stay the same. What makes sense one day, Will confuse us another, And so it goes on. People tell others to: Get in line, Grow up, Get our lives straight, Who told these people these things? And why tell us the things that broke them?
Is it human nature to be unhappy?
Two men sit on a bench, In a park, Under a tree. They talk about family and friends They talk about work and dreams. One man says, "It is a waste of time to dream," The other says, "Yes, but to have dreams is not." Dreams are what the world is made of Bad dreams, Good dreams, Lost dreams.
Hope is never far off, As the old die, The young are born, The young grow, They become old, The old die. But while they are young, They change the world. Some for the better, Others for the worse.
Inspiration is a dream.
The only inspiration in life is life: What to do? How to do it? Can we change the world? How to change the world? Is there purpose? Are we real? Or a figment of imagination? All questions do not need answers.
Call life what you will, These are the boring bits.
Powerful stuff. it sounds like a narrative monologue would be a good way to keep it. but add some roundabout description of the person your talking to. you also might be wanting to add recalling memories and flashbacks.
I don't think you've chosen a very powerful word to write about. Everybody knows what 'break' means, and I have found myself considering the word before, so that kinda ruins your fourth sentence. Plus, it could also mean 'to take a break', and because it has a second meaning, it takes away the impact of your writing. Unless you'd put something like ''it also means to take a break. When will anybody give me a dam.n break?''.
I like the middle part, however. I find using simple ideas often have the greatest effect. You haven't loaded up your paragraph too much with gabble, it flows well. I particularly like the phrase 'some downtown Toronto sidewalk with people passing me by in the pouring rain' because it subconsciously gives you a lot of needed information without forwardly explaining the situation in some rant about the weather and people these days.
''broken so dam.n badly I might not be able to even be repaired'' - The way you've worded this sentence kinda ruins the flow, maybe just change it around a little. (for ex, ''broken so dam.n badly I may never get repaired''
Finally, in my opinion, the work 'break' as a standalone at the end really doesn't do it for me. It doesn't end in a satisfying way. It doesn't even make sense to be honest, why is break a word of warning? It would make sense to me more if you ended by saying ''a word of warning though; we all end in the same way. Broken.'' or words to a similar effect.
All in all I hope you continue with the idea, you've captured my interest!
What a bitter place this is Where good men will find no rest And, with their hearts still beating Shall have them shattered upon the floor. What good have you done? Except give me a sickness of false hope That, as the fool I am Shall keep in my mangled heart evermore.
You are a very good writer, I like the fact you dont use dirt basic words, our student teacher when doing poetry always uses basic words.
Basic words have their time and place. I have a vast vocabulary from the number of books I have read. While I try to create differences in my writing I often revert to the same style and themes from time to time. Much of my work refers to a darker human nature, nature, or social commentary. I have a terrible tendancy to write snippits that never go anywhere, but are interesting to read.
Another moment of inspiration. I'm currently editing Break.
You know you've been here before. This same grey hallway, this same white tiled floor. Yeah, you've been here before. You keep wondering if you're doing the right thing, if anything you do is the right thing. Friend, I'm going to be honest, your choices don't matter; there is no right or wrong. There's just what you've done and what you've still left to do. Yeah, this is life, and yeah, it's not easy. But my friend, can I call you friend? Either way, it doesn't matter. Choice really isn't choice here. You're still wondering about this place, the grey walls and the white tiled floor. Let me ease your mind in this friend. Let me take that knife from your hands before someone gets hurt, and then, let's walk through the door like nothing happened. What do you say?
I know, I know, things haven't worked out the way you wanted them to. I understand that, but you need to realize this doesn't have to be the end. Even if this is, it really isn't. This won't end just because you say it will, just because you think your actions will bring about this end doesn't mean they will. You'll wake up and you'll be here again, except maybe I won't be. And you need me, trust me on that. You need me because I can get out of here, this place of grey walls and white floors. So put down that knife and let's walk out the door. Listen to me, for once, just listen.
Here is my heart for you to keep I give it to you freely. You will take it, but you will Not hold it. You will not make it whole again Even though you could. You have another's heart for yourself And it's that one That you will cherish above my own. Despite all I gave. You will only take my heart for now Place it on a shelf. You may look at it from time to time But only now and then. For my love is not on your mind. Only his. Keeper of my heart, you will be Until I may take it back. On the day that my heart is healed From the scars you made. And only then will I take it, because now I fear to hold it. It is too fragile a thing just yet. So take my heart. It is yours to keep, because I have Nothing else to give.
I offer you, my friend, a line from a song I listen to that reminds me of past heartaches. "...don't cut yourself on the jagged pieces of my broken heart..." Thinking along the same lines as Jess, I would also offer you, "To stand back and give yourself a break!"
Stranger things have happened and just maybe what you think is broken and irreparable may be the beginning of true love? Think about your relationship, (whatever that may have been), this way, perhaps you will run into this person 5 years from now? If both of you are still free, maybe then will be a better time for both of you to hook back up? "It ain't over, 'til it's over", I don't know who said this first but like I said earlier, stranger things have happened.
wolf. Tyler, how long will this heartbreak last you need to break out of the shell of heartbreak. also if you convey so much sadness via poetry why do you do this on a happy fun games site? I do not deserve an answer but questions can be asked.
Dearest at the door you shall hear a knocking. A knocking and nothing more. And should the knocking cease you may hear a scratching. A scratching and nothing more. Now, dearest should this happen, Should the door come a knocking and then a scratching, The please do not hesitate. Answer, answer the door.
Ah, door you hear that knocking? Yes, yes our guest has come. Quick girl! To the door! That's it, yes, yes to the door, to the door and nothing more.
"I will look to history to guide my future, and in doing so I will walk backwards through life. To look to my future for guidance would mean to turn my back on my mistakes."
