hey, AGers. not sure how many of you remember me, it's been months.
anyway, i have a problem and was hoping i could get some help from you guys. i'll start with the backstory...
i recently got my first job. nothing big, just a part-time job at a local fast-food joint called "bill's burgers." not a terribly creative name, but they serve pretty good food.
anyway, all was good and well. i got paid decently, and the manager liked me, and i was maintaining my school and social life. nothing extraordinary.
and then came the new chick.
oh my gosh, the new chick. she applied a couple weeks back. she was the most breathtakingly beautiful girl i'd ever seen. sarah levins. wasn't that tall, but she had this really long, wavy brown hair, down far past her shoulders, and these big blue eyes, and man if they weren't expressive. and you should have SEEN her body, it'd make any guy drool. in short, this girl. was. HOT. hot as hell.
now of course, the first thing i think is "**** yes! this is the girl i'm gonna make my move on." of course, i'm not terribly social, and meeting new people is fairly awkward for me as it is, so this was merely passing thought.
anyway, a few weeks passed, and we hardly talked, save for sometimes asking for a hand around the workplace. but one saturday, i took a break for lunch, and there sarah was.
Freakenstein's steps are pretty good, but the it might be hard for even step 1, and this whole process could take months. You might say "hey" and she would likely say "Buzz off", or "Get lost perv." I would suggest attempting to talk to her every now and then and make it sound apologetic when you ask. If she does manage to listen to you, then you go to step 2, but I wouldn't apologize to much, some people hate that, see her reaction and if it lightens a bit then apologize again and end the conversation unless she says otherwise. Then I personally would just kinda say hey to her off the side everyday or so but not try and talk to her, always look apologetic around her, make her talk to you, in short make her feel pity or mercy, this will be no easy take and I never said she would do it, if she doesn't ever show a hint of pity just try what freakenstein said, cause you'd need a huge master plan to get out of it and you don't have much more to loose
HE DOESN'T NEED DATING ADVICE! He needs a shotgun. You do understand that he is cornered on a rooftop, about to be mauled by a sexy bear right?
Well, thanks ag pals, I'm here on my phone now with an update. I've tried all of your advice, and most of it just seemed to enrage the soulless, godless death machine mammal.
I somehow escaped unharmed and fled to the mall, to attempt and confuse the bear with the escalator. Unfortunately, it was smarter than I anticipated and I made a mad dash for the glass elevator as soo as I saw it riding the escalator up towards me.
I hoped it wouldn't know how to work an elevator. I mean, that's complex stuff for a bear mind. Anyway, I rode it to the part in between the first and second floor, and cut the power to stop it there, so it couldn't climb up or get in from the top. I watched it barrel throuh the helpless civillians with rage as it started roaring at me through the glass. That went on for roughly 8 hours. It seems too distracted to climb up another escalator and jump down on top of me, so I think the bear-
AG, OH GOD, AG, THE BEAR'S LEARNING ELEVATORS.
MOTHER OF GOD I'M STUCK HERE, ITS GOING TO JUMP ON TOP OF MY ELEVATOR AND RIP ME TO SHREDS.
I have never laughed so hard at aything in recent months. I'm sitting here reading, and I'm all "Man, another kid with girl problems, hats chill" But you have bear troubles man!
You should Bear in mind *nudges with elbow* That she likes berries and slamon. Get out of that elevator, and go find some barely edible food. *nudges again*
i tried skater's method of using salmon and berries to distract the bear, after crashing through the glass elevator and rolling to avoid pain, of course. unfortunately, the bear simply ignored them in all its rage.
i made another mad dash, this time into the city. i ran and the bear gave chase. the death toll rose to 350+ and the damage toll is somewhere in the hundred thousands. i'm currently hiding from it.
the situation is incredibly dire. this bear is no ordinary bear. i daresay, it is far, far, far smarter than the average bear. the bear's learned stairs. it's learned escalators, and elevators, and my biggest fear came true.
the bear learned internet.
i'm terrified it will find this thread, so i will not divulge my location to you, for safety reasons.
i'm absolutely horrified... please... p-please... i need help...
But I thought this was hilarious. You kinda screwed up big time. Something that always helps is apologizing like you mean it, like on the brink of crying. It works. I've seen some bears shiftshape back into humans when I did this.
