Hey guys, here's a thread where everyone should post at least one joke. Here's mine:
So a dead body is found at a mansion, and three people were on the property. The police bring the first person into the police station and ask him where he was at the time of the murder.
"I was in the yard blowing bubbles," He tells the cops. The police let him go. Then they bring in the second person.
"I was in the yard blowing bubbles," He tells the cops. The police let him go. Then they bring in the third person.
"Let me guess, you were in the yard blowing bubbles?" The police ask.
not a really good one since i didnt hear it in english so i cant make it sound as funny but: teacher: WELL, COULD YOU TELL ME HOW MUCH IS 100 DIVEDED BY THE NUMBER OF THE STUDENTS IN CLASS? student: ummmmmm.... 5? teacher: WRONG!!! ITS IIMPOSIBBLE BECAUSE YOU CANT DIVIDE ANY NUMBER BY 0. AND YOU CHILDREN ARE ALL ZEROS!!!
I heard that one before, except it was at a school and some girls were late to class. The teacher asked them where they were and eventually bubbles came in.
An haitian walks into a bar, the building collapses.
That is so wrong...
Anyway...
Two blondes walk into a bar. You woulda thought at least one of them would have seen it...
Time for my racist joke. I appologize to anyone who may be offended in advance.
There are 5 men in a plane. A pilot, a lawer, a texan, a mexican and a doctor. Suddenly, the plane starts to have engine trouble, and will inevitably go down and kill everyone aboard. The pilot shouts to the passengers, "three of you should jump, so that the last one of you may live!" The doctor walks up to the escape hatch and shouts that he has had a full life of saving people, now it is his turn to die, and jumps. The lawyer follows suit, yelling that at least some innocent people didn't go the jail. Then the texan looks at the mexican, rushes him, picks him up and throws him out the escape hatch screaming "REMEMBER THE ALAMO!"
Two blondes walk into a bar. You woulda thought at least one of them would have seen it...
^Lol. That reminds me of a few other such jokes.
So, a skeleton walks into a bar. He orders a beer and a mop.
A dyslexic guy walked into a bra.
This next one is actually an in-game joke said by humans in World of Warcraft:
'So, an orc walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, 'Where did you get that?', and the parrot answers, 'Durotar, they've got them all over the place!''
See, the point of that joke is that Durotar is where the orcish capital city is...
Ok is in quotes because i got it from two and a half men
Ok two muffins are in a try in the oven, and one turns to the other and says man is it hot in here and the other turns to it and says oh my god a talking muffin!!!
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "Iâm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in poop up to their necks. The guy says "no, let me see the next room." In the second room, people are standing with poop up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with poop up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, "I pick this room." Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, "Ok, coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads!"
2 gangsters are sitting in a car. who is the driver??? the cop!!!
(now i dont believe in those "blondes are stupid" saying but those jokes are funny anyway in my opinion)
a blonde girl, a grandfather and his grandson are in a plane. the plane is going to run out of fuel and there are only 2 parachutes. the grandfather says to his grandson: "you take the parachute i already lived my life" the grandson answeres: "its ok grandpa, the blonde girl already jumped but forgot the parachute".
blonde girl 1: "if youl guess how manny coins i have in my pocket i will give you both" blonde girl 2: "3?"
yo mamma so fat, she went on the scales and it said one at a time please. yo mamma so dumb she thought fruit punch was a gay boxer yo mamma so old, she farted dust. yo mamma so dumb, she tripped over a cordless phone. yo mamma so fat, she wore a yellow shirt and people said taxi knock knock who's there? orange orange who? orange you glad i did'nt say bannana
