There was a penguin driving down the road eating an ice cream cone. Out of nowhere his car started acting up, so he pulled into a truck stop. He motioned for a trucker to come over and asked the man if he could have a look at his car. The trucker agreed to do so and after tinkering for awhile walked back to the penguin and said "It looks like you blew a seal." to which the penguin replied, "I didn't blow anything! I was just eating an ice cream cone!"
Okay I got a bunch, but I'll only share a couple. Yes, I know it said one: 1-Three men were stuck in a desert. One says, I brought water, so if we are thirsty we can drink! The second says: I brought bread, so if we are hungry we can eat! The third says: I brought a car door, so if we get hot we can roll the window down 2- A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!" The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!" 3-Two blonds walking in the woods stumble across a set of tracks. The first blond said they were deer tracks and the second said they were moose tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them... 4-Today we lost power at my school. Everyone was silent in the darkness until my friend laughed maniacally and shouted "At last the tables have turned!" He is blind.
an dutchman, an german and a swiss are standing on the eifeltower. the dutchman says: I bet that I can throw my watch down, run down and catch it before it hits the ground. okey, the other two say, we'll take that bet. and to be fair, we'll do the same.
the dutchman runs down as fast as he can. but by the time he is at the bottom of the eiffeltower, his watch is lying there, broken.
he comes back, complaining that he won't know what time it is till the end of his vacation. now the german throws his watch.
he walks down gently,
buys a paper,
drinks a cup of far to expensive coffee,
goes back to the tower,
and catches his watch.
when he gets up agian, the others say 'wow, how did you do that?' simple, he replies, I set it an hour earlier.
the swiss immediatly takes his watch, sets it an hour earlier and does the same as the german. but when he comes back, a minut earlier, his watch lies broken on the ground!
he complains why it didn't work for him. 'simple.' the german says. 'swiss clocks are never retarded.'
