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TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

I decided I'd try and post some of my poems on here, since I liked the first line poem thread so much. I would really like some advice on how to improve. Thanks!

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TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

I'm sorry! DX

I know I said I would write
A humor filled project D.
So either I have a writing block or
I can't write those stories.
I promised you guys a tale today,
That I very well know,
I did try to sit and write,
But the laughs just wouldn't show.
I first wrote about cold coffee,
Then of my worn out shoe.
I've given up so here's a poem
To placate all of you.

In short, I'm incapable of writing humor. Project A will commmence either later today or tomorrow.

deathopper
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deathopper
1,567 posts
Nomad

Yay, my idea! Hope it's gonna be better than your first story!

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Yay, my idea! Hope it's gonna be better than your first story!


Don't raise your expectations, TOO much, deathopper. I don't want you guys to be disappointed. DX
Dragonblaze052
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Dragonblaze052
26,679 posts
Peasant

As long as you try.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Haha, nice poem tacky. And what shall your story be this time?


Read a few pages back. Option A.

And since Dragon has been pestering me, let's try a little poetic imagery. Free verse, of course, since I'm lazy.

Lake

It was an epic day,
I can still remember,
Climbing through
Jagged rocks that bit
And the gnarled roots
That tried to
drag me
down.
There was blackened dirt
Under my bitten nails
From scratching furrows in
Tree bark and loose soil.

I broke through
The cell of trees,
And found myself submerged.
The clouded sky above
Weighed down on my lungs.
And the lake beneath was clear,
Fringed lightly with green,
A painter's only masterpiece.
The imperfections in the blue
Moved slowly to my eyes,
Tiny white specks tearing
Furrows through the glass.

I felt so very tall,
Perched atop
A mountain's head.
And I sat, content
To watch the world
Drag by.
Dragonblaze052
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Dragonblaze052
26,679 posts
Peasant

Thank you, Tacky. It was a very nice sight to behold. The only good poem I've ever read with "epic" in the opening line.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Thanks, jeol and Dragon!

Here's my poem for the poetry competition. I don't remember if I posted it already, but if I did, then I'm sorry for my loss of memory.

Who could have known?
Where a forest once stood,
Where the green had stretched,
Yawning, breathing.
Where the leaves had once
shuddered in unison, is now
Scorched to the cracked earth,
Broken like toothpicks
Casually flung into the fire.
Who could have known?
Where the kingly oak
Once stood,
Too proud to be bent,
Where his noble subjects
Of the grass and fern,
Once bowed in reverence
To the wind,
Is now empty but for
His abandoned throne.

Who could have known?
Not the fawn,
Fleeing from the flames,
Not the hawk,
Screeching to its nest.
The solemn wolf
Sits and howls;
All is lost.

Time passes,
And the wasteland is bare.

But something remains.
Under the lost,
Under the broken,
Under the ragged throne.
A tiny fragment
Of an empire once grand
Lies still and silent,
The hope of kings curled up
As it sleeps.
And the sunlight will shine,
And the rain will pour.
And as the ground swells,
The seeds of the great
Will rise from the ashes.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

I'd like to thank Walker for the change in title... XD

Each section I post will be a different section in the kid's life. To clarify.
This is my first attempt at anything in the voice of a small child, so tell me if I'm messing anything up.


Mama is my favorite person in the whole wide world! Papa's okay but he doesn't play with me as much. I had my fifth birthday today. It was super fun! There was cake and balloons. I got to set up, because Mama was tired. All my friends from Mrs. Green's class came and we had ice cream! Even Jeanie and Bobbie came! Today was a good day! Except meanie Max pushed me down and got my dress dirty. He made me cry.
Papa and Mama are fighting again. I hate it when they fight. They yell and shout mean things. It makes me really sad, and Papa breaks things. He broke my lamp yesterday.
I just had ice cream! And I got a puppy! I'll call her Minnie. I love presents.
At school I got a A+ on my spelling test. The teacher said I'm a good student. I like it when she says nice things. Mama and Papa don't say nice things. I wish they said nice things sometimes.

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
3,390 posts
Shepherd

5 year old perspective!
**** you are creative, Tacky.

Dragonblaze052
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Dragonblaze052
26,679 posts
Peasant

Downward spiral started about ten years earlier than I thought.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Sorry. I can't write positive things. Maybe I should work on that after this.

Divisible
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Divisible
104 posts
Nomad

That was creative, Tacky.
I'm already captured in the story after a few lines and I want more.
Those two poems were great as well.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Secundo Chunk of words:

I got sent to the principal's office today. They thought I cheated! I don't cheat! Why would they think something like that? It's not fair. I studied for that test. It's alright though, because I went to Jeanie's house to play and Bobbie was there too. Jeanie and Bobbie are really fun to play with. We pretended we were on a boat far into the ocean. It was nice and quiet. I'd like to go sailing on a boat someday, all by myself. I would have lots of fun. It would be peaceful, I think.
I'm in fifth grade, and we're learning lots of things in school now, like plants and animals. I like learning new things. I think I want to be a whale doctor when I grow up. I could help fishes and also I could have my own boat. Maybe I could bring Minnie to help me catch fish! She likes catching things, like bones and treats and stuff.
Max is being mean again. He keeps pushing me down. I tried telling the teacher, but she didn't believe me. I don't know why. I think it's because Max is really rich and has a big house. Maybe teachers like big houses. I tried telling Mommy and Daddy too, but they were too tired to listen. I talked to Minnie instead.
Mommy took me hiking last week. I made it to the very top! We were really high up! But we had to hurry down because Daddy doesn't like waiting.

Dragonblaze052
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Dragonblaze052
26,679 posts
Peasant

Five years and the three superflous characters are doing the same thing. That is what I call consistency.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Five years and the three superflous characters are doing the same thing. That is what I call consistency


Oh, shush. There isn't much to say when you're ten.
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