ForumsArt, Music, and WritingTackeh's 10,000 Etchings

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TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

I decided I'd try and post some of my poems on here, since I liked the first line poem thread so much. I would really like some advice on how to improve. Thanks!

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Dragonblaze052
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Dragonblaze052
26,679 posts
Peasant

Edit Sloth as to have "But" replaced with "But then again" to appease Supa.

DustyLee
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DustyLee
216 posts
Nomad

i like your poems alot. they remind me of songs alot which is probably why i like them alot. you obviously have some talent

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Edit Sloth as to have "But" replaced with "But then again" to appease Supa.


That makes sense, actually. :P

i like your poems alot. they remind me of songs alot which is probably why i like them alot. you obviously have some talent


Thanks! You sure do use the word "a lot" many times... XD
SparklingKnight
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SparklingKnight
72 posts
Nomad

I love your poems and I don't see anything wrong with them

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

I have no idea how this will turn out. I'm in a bit of a creative lock. :/
Greed, here we go!

More

I have built my mighty throne,
Opened countless locked up doors,
Gathered power seen in dreams.
But I want so much more.

And my wealth doth overflow,
I steal riches from the poor.
Sneering at their lowly lives,
But I want so much more.

The cheers of many fill my ears,
Walk along the crowded shore,
Peasants can't hope to touch my fame,
But I want so much more.

My grasping hands will find your home,
Clawing on your empty floors,
No matter how much you implore,
I still want so much more.

Perhaps my greed for gold will ebb,
And my fame will cast me into war,
But for now, while I still can reach,
I still want so much more.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

First line poetry! I couldn't resist such an excellent line.

Solitude

As I walk these lands alone,
I think of all the things I've lost,
Wandering through the empty woods,
For all the values I have sought.
I could have stayed at home,
And lived, happy with my friends,
But I make my way in solitude,
To my life's sad end.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Ah, Jealousy...I have felt thy clutches quite often.
I don't want to do a rhyming poem! DX
Free verse or tanka it is.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

I'm succumbing to sloth. Oh, noes.

Wishing Star

The tracks of stars
Lighten up my darkened skies
As I make a selfish wish.
This wish I make,
This thought I pray,
This hope to have all you have.
I'd give up my life,
I'd give up my soul,
To feel all that you feel.
And I close my eyes
To this choking passion,
And dream of being you.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

If anyone gets the literary reference, I'll give you a Tacky-Prize.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

No one has been reading my poems....ah well.

Lies

In the end, you can never escape
The maze of lies that ensnare,
The false net that you built,
All the forgery that you share.
In the end, you'll be caught
In your own spider's thread,
And tangled and broken,
You'll wish you were dead.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Disappointed, guys. My poetry thread gets buried after two days of no posting? I don't have anything new as of this moment, but here's a poem from an old competition.

Victory, Failure

The breadth of a second,
The width of a hair,
The wink of a moment,
The step of a stair,

The slightest of pushes,
Pushes you to be worst,
The slightest of pauses,
Pauses your chance to be first,

Winning or losing,
The glory of gold,
Winning is best,
Or so I am told,

Winning means money,
Fame, Fortune and Cheer,
While losing means sorrow,
Breakdowns and tears,

I've never been a winner,
Striving to win,
I've never been lost,
Not knowing where to begin,

Losing, for me,
Is a chance to stop,
Losing, for me,
Isn't that far of a drop,

For if you don't win,
We all know that you'll lose,
And that, people say,
Is not what they would choose.

I'd like to feel strong,
Even while being told I am weak,
Arriving dead last,
But not at all meek,

So let the winners win,
Running alone, and most strong,
And let the losers stay behind,
Tired out, but not wrong,

Who says we have to win? I may be a bit late,
But I say losing, and losing is great.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Oh, here's one I wrote last week in school. :P

Thread
It is odd, is it not?
That I'd like to delve deep into science,
Tiring indoors, claustrophobic,
Growing pale and thin under fluorescent lights,
When in fact I submerge myself in the arts,
Losing myself in etches on paper,
Hands gathering graphite smeared from shaded moors,
My fingers flying through notes and keys, reaching
into histories past.
Eyes closed, dreaming of blue skies and beyond,
Floating tranquil on clear water,
Arms stretched out to nothing but crisp air.
How strange,
To want to learn things empirical,
Machiavellinan,
Neat and clear cut, working machinery like clockwork,
creaking at the joints from the strain of knowledge,
When actually I am blurred at the edges,
Like faces seen through tears,
bursting at the seams with emotions running wild,
Limbs loose and free from lifetimes of jumping to stars,
All words and facts free-falling back to earth.
But as I stand at the gate, the gate of lines and facts,
There are no regrets, no hesitations,
In my stretched and pounded mind,
For science is the future,
Science is MY future,
My chance to return to all, all they have given to me.
And with one palm reached out, I will climb the gate,
I will reach for my thread
In the starry, starry sky.

cavemannn
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cavemannn
14 posts
Nomad

These are so creative and awesome i love "war" poem because its awesome and i love war lol but yeah these are awesome like you keep makin' them
ppppppppwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee lol

Dragonblaze052
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Dragonblaze052
26,679 posts
Peasant

Reminds my of The Truth in Full Metal Alchemist.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

These are so creative and awesome i love "war" poem because its awesome and i love war lol but yeah these are awesome like you keep makin' them
ppppppppwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee lol


I'm not sure whether to be flattered or not, since you obviously just read my first poem. :/

Since I've finished all of the Seven Sins, I'd say its time to look for some new poetry topics. And since people also tend not to respond when I ask for poetry topics, I shall have to think of some of my own. :P
I read Ernie's villanelle in the poetry competition, and it looked interesting enough to inspire me to attempt to write one of my own.
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