I decided I'd try and post some of my poems on here, since I liked the first line poem thread so much. I would really like some advice on how to improve. Thanks!
I could give you topics! But they would be difficult.
Like Zombie-Difficult? XD
How about a historic event, like Pompeii?
Intriguing, jeol. You get a Tacky-Prize for coming up with a nice topic.
And thus the Historical Event section of Tacky's poems has begun! I also might post a drawing of my AG self. Though I'm not entirely sure how to scan drawings into a computer. :/
I just made the theme of the Tanka contest Zombies... Did you already see that? If not, freaky. Because I was thinking "Zombies would be difficult" and then you say that... and then... Yeah.
I just made the theme of the Tanka contest Zombies... Did you already see that? If not, freaky. Because I was thinking "Zombies would be difficult" and then you say that... and then... Yeah.
I read the Tanka thread. XD Or I'm a mind reader. One or the other.
After reading the first page of poems, my first piece of advice is to watch your punctuation. You end many lines with commas when you shouldn't. It disrupts the thought. Otherwise, you seem to be handling your meter well.
Now, let's play a game I like to call "But what does it mean?"
Grayness
From the very first word of the first poem on the first page. That was a long time ago, I guess. So, why'd you choose grayness?
Sorry about the comma thing; the teachers at my school used to yell at me for NOT using them in my poems. :P I chose grayness because it was the line given to me in the First Line Poetry thread.
Well, I'm going to be picky now Tacky, punctuation is starting to ruin it I'm going to replace all your commas with something more appropriate ;D
Charlie Sheen is going insane. He dreams of winning and being a stud. There's something off within his brain.
His antics cause his producers pain, He thinks he has tiger blood, Charlie Sheen is going insane.
His interviews are quite inane, He talks of earthworms in the mud. There's something off within his brain.
He only thinks of his own gain; He doesn't do what people should. Charlie Sheen is going insane, There's something off within his brain.
I did nothing to the second stanza because it's just off. The tiger blood line does not go with the main idea of that stanza. :l Great line, but it doesn't go with that one. Quite hard to make it fit in thanks to the format, so because of that, superb job.
Well, I'm going to be picky now Tacky, punctuation is starting to ruin it
Oh, noes.
I did nothing to the second stanza because it's just off. The tiger blood line does not go with the main idea of that stanza. :l Great line, but it doesn't go with that one. Quite hard to make it fit in thanks to the format, so because of that, superb job.
I had to reference tiger blood somewhere and I guess I put it in the wrong place.
I'm debating whether or not to draw something and post it on here. I'm not actually very good, but I do doodle a lot. It won't become an every day thing though. Maybe once every two weeks or something.
Today there is cause for a great celebration, And through the kingdom of AG there is much jubilation. We cheer and we shout and we charge right ahead, Running to the Forums, and flooding the threads. 'For what?' You shall ask 'Is there such great emotion?' 'The millionth user!' We reply with a loud commotion. Wake up the mods! Gather all in the land! And til dawn we shall party, until we are banned.
