I've noticed the increase in threads being made about problems with relationships and dating. Now, I have no problem with the subject matter. No, my problem is with the amount of threads people are creating about it.
Judging by all these threads being made about the same thing, it's safe to say it's inevitable for these questions to be asked; and since the answers to these relationship/dating questions are generally very similar, putting all the questions in one thread saves time and posting.
No, this is not a thread where you specifically ask me for advice; I don't know very much about this subject. I'm simply the guy who has created the thread so you can post your questions for anybody to answer.
So if you have a question about dating or relationships, or anything along those lines, ask it here, wait for someone to reply here, and don't make a new thread about it!
Naturally my female friends did not understand this and thought it was pretty darn creepy.
Why would they think it creepy? That is a pretty normal thing for people to do
[Psychologist Robert] Sternberg maintains in his article "Love Stories" (1996) that through the interaction of our personalities and the environment, we create stories about love, which we then try to fulfill. Various potential spouses fit these stories to a greater or lesser degree. According to Sternberg, marriages tend to last when the partners fulfill the roles they have created for themselves in their love stories
According to Sternberg, love is not just a single story. He has come up with 24 model stories but cautions there are probably many more. Two of Sternberg's stories are the "fantasy" story and the "gardening" story. The fantasy story is similar to a fairy tale. A woman who has a fantasy story expects her mate to be a "knight in shining armor" to protect her from danger [...]
But I did not think him a bad person for feeling the way he did.
I don't hold him responsible for his feelings. He's a bad person for thinking that's an okay way to see things.
Why would they think it creepy?
Because it is? The model is blatantly oppressive and reduces one party to a passive object. Whether it's normal or not, it's wrong. More or less, you and Strop have articulated exactly why desiring innocence probably means you're a bad person.
Anyway, I appreciate Nicho's clarification regarding the fluidity of values and how it is and isn't relevant to points. In general, demonstrating that values have changed before is not sufficient for demolishing a specific value judgement. I am not a relativist. Some of you might be, but really, I have more faith in you guys than that.
Anyway, I feel like I might have been a little harsh and unclear regarding 14/18 pairings. Allow me to clarify through analogy.
I'd compare it to a 25 year old dating a dog, except a dog is far more capable of providing informed consent on an equal playing field than a 14 year old. That type of age gap is, given normal levels of development, outsiders not included, not purely predatory simply because I think something requires either malicious intent or a degree of malice aforethought to be predatory. Some people really don't know any better. But that doesn't make it desirable in those situations. I just wouldn't hold it against them too much.
said conservative Chinese man is in some senses, fulfilling his social and family obligations/pressures?
He completely is, yes. This is the same guy who broke up with a previous girlfriend, it seems, purely because their parents did not like each other.
More or less, you and Strop have articulated exactly why desiring innocence probably means you're a bad person.
Now even I'm thinking that you're "robably" too rigid in your stance, unless you'd like to rephrase. In particular I'd like somebody to expand on Sternberg's narratives, because it's something I've been thinking about in the context of my own relationship. Passivity isn't necessarily a bad thing, to me, at least, it's just become a dirty word in the context of a population that knows even less about what it's talking about when it comes to relationships in this day and age, and Bella from Twilight.
except a dog is far more capable of providing informed consent on an equal playing field than a 14 year old
How old is the dog? lol
The social ramifications for a dog propositioning a person or consenting to a person appear to be somewhat different to the social ramifications for interactions between people, so...
He completely is, yes. This is the same guy who broke up with a previous girlfriend, it seems, purely because their parents did not like each other.
My parents didn't like the girl, nor did her parents like me, nor did they even like each other so they split us. Yes, such social ''ressures'' are alive and well! >>
I know this isn't the current topic, but here is a little advice to anybody wanting to get into a relationship. If the person you're interested in tells you that she/he doesn't deserve you, walk away. It isn't worth the pain.
Oh god, I have a plethora of stories ripe for this thread. I hope you don't mind that I'm not asking a question here, but you did explicitly state that this was the "general" relationship thread...
Anyway, so my ex- used to play pranks on me all the time. And I mean all the freaking time. Like, I would walk into the house to put some shoes on, only to find that she had plastered at least 50 chewed gums on the soles. (Okay, I exaggerate, but you get the point.) But seriously, I swear she would never run out of stuff. I literally and figuratively lived in a state of perpetual fear.
Anyway, I would never actually prank her back because a) I'm a nice guy and b) I seriously couldn't be bothered for the sheer amount of times she got me. So, lo and behold, the one time I do finally prank her back, she breaks up with me - and on april fools day as well. Uhm? To put things into perspective, all I did was the good ol' bucket on the ajar door trick - massive overreaction. But to tell you the truth, the breakup was totally worth the look on her face.
We're still friends. But she's stopped pranking me. Lol.
Let me rephrase. If the girl comes after you, and after ya'll commit to a relationship she tells you what I said above, walk away. It isn't a question of whether they like you. It's a question of when they'll hurt you.
To put things into perspective, all I did was the good ol' bucket on the ajar door trick - massive overreaction. But to tell you the truth, the breakup was totally worth the look on her face.
Left unchecked, that girl would have become a thoughtless ball-breaker, and you'll end up getting whipped.
I've changed since then though, to the point where I no longer develop emotional attachments to people.
My girlfriend and I are currently discussing whether the mostly detrimental effects of aborted early relationships undertaken during formative (and unstable) emotional periods have any net positive value in the development of a person... or whether it's better to preach restraint to avoid persistent maladaptive behaviours, such as abstaining from developing emotional attachments to people.
I knew a girl once who was spontaneous, quirky and charmingly funny. But only when she was drunk. She also seemed to really like me. But only when she was drunk. I should have known the signs immediately, but nonetheless discovered that hers was a lengthy history of dysfunctional country-town relationships in which she essentially became a sex toy and lost all sight of who she was as a person. I hadn't worked it out back then, but just today she reported that somebody else finally explained to her just how repressed she looked (when sober), and it all makes sense.
That's why I say, in this day and age, it seems more sensible to work out who you are before throwing yourself headlong into something you don't even know the meaning or value of.
