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Haiku Land

Posted Apr 19, '11 at 7:49pm

murasaki9

murasaki9

1,396 posts

I love writing Haikus. My best friend taught me how to write them. He said ' It's not that hard. All you have to do is learn.' So I did and I fell in love with them. Here's my first Haiku:

Clear like Crystals
It is clear, you know
that what some don't know, we do
albeit, they will.
03/21/11

 

Posted Apr 19, '11 at 8:05pm

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,424 posts

Might I give you a bit of advice?
I live here, in the AMW, and I can't tell you how many people have tried to centralize poetry of all sorts. It never really works.
Here, when we post poetry, or whatever, we make our own threads.

I'm not trying to be mean, just show you that us AMW'ers don't roll like that. 8D

 

Posted Apr 19, '11 at 8:06pm

murasaki9

murasaki9

1,396 posts

Hello, I did make my own thread!

 

Posted Apr 19, '11 at 8:08pm

SupaLegit

SupaLegit

670 posts

...A thread for all types of poetry is what Moon has meant. We are all aware that you have made your own thread.

 

Posted Apr 19, '11 at 8:10pm

murasaki9

murasaki9

1,396 posts

Oh, I get it, but bear in mind, I forgot to say this earlier.
I'm not really good at any other kind of poetry.

 

Posted Apr 19, '11 at 8:16pm

waluigi

waluigi

1,973 posts

It doesn't matter if your that good, you can still try. If you look at some of mine, its not that great (though I always think it's terrible). If you do eventually want to start adding more lines to your poems, I recommend going with a tanka, which has a 5-7-5-7-7 syllable pattern.

 

Posted Apr 19, '11 at 8:27pm

murasaki9

murasaki9

1,396 posts

Thank you for your advice. I'm beginning to get the idea that my efforts in general aren't welcome. What if I don't want to write any other kind of poem? Why should I be forced to write other kinds of poems? At least, that's the message I'm getting.

 

Posted Apr 19, '11 at 8:31pm

waluigi

waluigi

1,973 posts

I'm sorry if that's what your getting; we don't mean that at all. We're just trying to encourage you to expand your writings. If you want to keep writing haikus, then just ignore what everyone else is saying and go your own way. Again, sorry we gave that message.

 

Posted Apr 19, '11 at 8:45pm

SupaLegit

SupaLegit

670 posts

These appear to have been already created, so I would suggest posting a bit more so that we can critique. Well, since no one is helping you:

Clear Like Crystal is just confusing in my opinion. Not terrible for a beginner, but not superb either.

-Enjambment in this case throws the poem off, not to mention unclear meaning, but I'm getting to that. Enjambment is good in some cases, but over used in this case.

-The poem was kind of confusing with its wording:

It is clear, you know
that what some don't know, we do
albeit, they will.


Inserted definition...

It is clear, you know
that what some don't know, we do
although [though] [even if], they will.

Makes very little sense, the reader gets this message:

Something is clear, some will not notice, although they will?
 

Posted Apr 19, '11 at 8:53pm

murasaki9

murasaki9

1,396 posts

Thank you, Waluigi, it all makes sense now!

 
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