One more death then Nirvana then death more one more death More death then Nirvana then death more one more death then Death then Nirvana then death more one more death then Nirvana Then Nirvana then death more one more death then Nirvana Nirvana then death more one more death then Nirvana
A picture, poem, thought, and dementor all in one!
Famed for a fault Shamed surely of shaken shafts Blamed by blasphemous boasts Damed dearly with dastardly deeds Smashed souls see in sight Silver slits solely promising Happy, healthy lives After an abrupt Loving life layed into lie Anewstart A newstart A new start Thisis This is This is a new start.
Pandemic as it may seem The night sky still gleams After the team Was rejected and deemed Hopeless
What are lights That go bright In the night Do they fight Wielding kites With only slight Being as they plight Or they bite At all in sight With great spite
Just what are Lights?
I just moved some old work here. I didn't like the name of my previous thread, so I made a new one. Please make suggestions, because I love others' input, unlike most people. If you have works that you'd like to share place them here.
Alllllllllllllright Paarfam WHAT THE CRAP. It was all awesome and stuffs, then you just..... got all random. What were you on when you wrote these things?
I'm skipping this page.... >,> Besides, my limited ability in the poetic area does not stretch to this...
For that poem with SP or whatever, you said Kill everyone, then lives must be spared. It didn't make much sense when you read over it like that.
The other one... I don't even know. It was all hopeful then just came crashing down, but it looked like you had a scheme to it, and then towards the end the likelihood of a scheme came crashing down as well... (pg6, btw)
I'm with Tacky here, you tried to rhyme it waaaaaaaay too much. I mean, I know I only use rhyme, but it comes naturally to me, and I hope my poetry reflects on that. But yours is just so forced it squeezes the poetic feel of it all out
And then most of your work had.. a meaning behind that was clear, and here on page 7 it is...gone. The force behind it is gone, and you aren't living up ot your potential without it
That first one looks like you just made a poem about asking for feedback and you got mad about the lack of it :/
If you want to look at how Haikus are completely brilliant, I suggest you look at Maverick's thread. They are full of them.
You took my Tacky Prize idea....everyone seems to be doing that lately. :P
Yeah, after everyone started making them it got rather boring. So I pretty much stopped with it all.
Your second bit of that haiku at the bottom, the second line is off by a syllable, and repeating you had it/never had it doesn't give it the full impact it could've.
That first one was reallllllly cool. The second one was cool as well, but I'm rather a fan of the randomness. I agree with tacky... again... Make more art or else I will have no choice but to sell your organs.
Weeeeellll I knew that,Maytricks, but I still ish in contact wif the doode, so he can at least see this much. And I made a prooooooomise. I keep those.
