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MalKeshar
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MalKeshar
115 posts
Jester

I have been told, and proven, that I have an amazing writing talent. If you have an idea for a story for me, please tell me and I will write it. All APPROPRIATE!!!! topics are welcome. I can write about just about anything. I will write short stories and I will write long ones. Once I have written one, feedback, both good and bad, is very much welcome. I am thinking of writing a series of novels at some point so I want to know what I can do better in my writing.

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MalKeshar
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MalKeshar
115 posts
Jester

Here is a part of the novel I am thinking of writing.


Up the hill King Andrix and his men ran. Once at the top Andrix quickly rallied his archers to his side.
"Men! Notch up quickly! We must kill that goblin rider quickly before he can report to his master!"
The archers did as they were told and, once they spotted the rider, they let loose. The arrows cut through the air like a knife through flesh. With a swoosh, they fell through the air as thick as rain. The arrows fell around the rider and his mount was hit in the flank. Blood began to spurt as the wolf's artery was cut and it howled in pain. The rider dismounted, shouted a curse at the men and ran into the woods as blood pooled around the carcass of the dead animal.
With despair in his voice and a look of hopelessness in his eyes, he turned to his men. In a stolid voice, he told his men, "We must now return home. We must defend ourselves before the hordes of Malin are upon us."

murasaki9
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murasaki9
1,390 posts
Blacksmith

I don't challenge what other people have told you about your writing talent, myself also struck with the same belief. However, I would like to offer a word of caution. There are several cliches that you might consider avoiding. I'm not sure, what sort of audience are you writing for? That might give me some insight as to your writing style.

MalKeshar
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MalKeshar
115 posts
Jester

Thank you for telling me that. I would like some more insight on which cliches you are referring to though and I am considereing teen or older. I plan to write a mythical and magical type of writing.

murasaki9
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murasaki9
1,390 posts
Blacksmith

Malkeshar, I like your stories. I think your a good writer. If you're writing for teens or older, perhaps, you might consider stepping up the vocabulary a bit. I only noticed a few small things that I would like to mention. First, the word 'quickly' was used three times within close proximity of one another. And second, I saw two idioms or metaphors were used quite in close proximity of one another as well: when describing the arrows. Otherwise, its a very good story. I really don't have much else except praise for you.

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